Will I be taken advantage of?

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 42-year-old single mother and employed as a househelp.

It took more than a year for me to find employment because most people who interviewed me preferred a younger person.

However, I am now happily employed by a young couple in their mid-thirties, who have two kids.

They are kind and generous. I do my work diligently because I know how it feels to be unemployed.

The reason I am writing to you is that I have been left confused over the last three months. Baba has been giving me a secret salary that is twice as much as my regular one. He instructed me to keep it to myself. I asked him why.

He responded saying he is appreciative of how I work. I am so uncomfortable about the whole thing because I do not know his intentions. Please help.

Response

Dear writer, thank you very much for your letter. Congratulations on being employed in a homely environment.

The boss’ behaviour is strange.

My guess is just as good as yours. From your communication, he has not done anything out of line yet, but nobody knows how long this secret salary arrangement will last.

If his intentions are good, why does he not want his wife to know? You desperately need the job but, please, do not be tempted to partake in something you are not comfortable with.

I would suggest you speak to the boss and ask him to let his wife know that he is giving you an extra token of appreciation. I promise it will not end well if she discovers this on her own. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Bad breath killing us

Hello Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail. I am a big fan. I am aged 38 and my wife is 35. We are blessed with three beautiful children. Also, we are both gainfully employed and comfortable.

Lately, my wife has developed bad breath, and it is killing me, Amai. She still brushes her teeth religiously, but it is not helping.

She has been complaining that I now resent her, and she is even suspecting that I could be seeing someone else.

My wife does not take criticism lightly, so I cannot tell her where the problem lies. I am avoiding our traditional welcome and goodbye kisses. How do I handle this, Amai?

Response

Thank you very much for writing in and following this platform religiously. It seems you generally get on well as a couple and that this is a new development.

I am not a medical professional, but I suspect your wife has developed a dental problem and needs to see a dentist immediately.

If you cannot tell your wife the truth, who will? In my view, you are being cruel.

Think of the people she interacts with at work and other social circles. Grab the bull by its horns and talk to her because this is now affecting your intimacy. Please keep me posted.

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My wife has gone wild

My wife and I are both 40. We are parents of two adult children. We get on well as a couple and get along well with a few friends from our church.

We are very close and enjoy spending time with our families, often going out and having fun. We sold one of our properties and I used some of the funds to buy my wife a boutique in town.

But that marked the beginning of the end.

She found some new friends I do not approve of — the type of people she used to despise because of their wild makeup and fashion sense not so long ago. She rarely goes to church now.

She drinks more wine than before. It is as if she has gone back in time. She now behaves like a young woman. Please help. I feel I am losing my grip as the head of the family.

Response

I am very well and thanks for enquiring. I really do not know what to say.

I am happy that you used your earnings wisely, but I am also sad because of how things have turned out for you.

My million-dollar question is: What triggered this? Is it the newfound fortune, business area or the new friends? I believe in communication.

Have you talked about these changes as a couple? What does she have in common with her new friends? What went wrong at church?

I would like you to answer all my questions then consider professional counselling.

There is no other way to gain answers to the questions you seek if you do not take this route. It will also be a good starting point to reform your wife or, at the very least, help her tone it down.

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