Hubby is a pathological liar

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

DEAR Amai, I hope this letter finds you well. I am 36 years old, the same age as my husband, and we are blessed with a set of twin boys.

We are a normal couple, but over the years, I have noticed that my husband is an pathological liar. We are both gainfully employed and our offices are in different directions.

Before the Easter holidays, my husband’s car was taken to the garage for service. He assured me that he would use public transport and there was no need for me to worry about dropping him off.

Two days before his car was ready for collection, he came home without the jersey he had been wearing in the morning and we wondered what had happened. We both concluded that he had probably forgotten it in the kombi he boarded.

I struggled with this thought; I even wondered why he would remove a jersey in a kombi.

A few days later, a single mother from our neighbourhood brought the jersey home and said my husband had forgotten it in her car. She further divulged that they had travelled together during the days that he did not have a car. We had a very bad fallout and we are not talking. How do we break the ice?

Response

Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for inquiring. You described yourselves as a normal couple; I am not entirely sure what you mean by that. It is not out of the ordinary to catch a lift from a neighbour. However, what makes it suspicious is to lie about it.

He even went as far as saying he had used public transport.

It is very difficult to deal with a person who lies because they can be very unpredictable.

The neighbour who brought his jersey may be completely innocent in all this, but we are not sure.

Look into this issue further. You both need to go for professional counselling. It is important to have a candid talk with him.

Let him know that his lying is tearing your marriage apart. Not talking to each other resolves nothing. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Househelp is playing both sides

Dear Amai, I am a happily married woman and a mother of three beautiful children. We stay in a big city and my in-laws also reside in the same area, but in a different location.

I have a very good househelp who works hard all the time. She gets on well with most family members.

Every weekend, she gets one-and-a-half days off. I do not ask her where she goes during her time off.

Last Monday, I heard through the grapevine that she is now my mother-in-law’s weekend househelp.

This did not go down well with me. I asked her why she got into such a peculiar arrangement.

She did not deny it, but even went further to state that Gogo had instructed her not to tell us. My sixth sense tells me that I should send her packing so that she can work there full-time. Would that be wrong?

Response

Dear writer, it is very refreshing to hear of a happy marriage. Please keep the fire burning. Happy marriages are becoming a rare phenomenon.

I know you are concerned about what is transpiring. When things are done secretly, many questions come to mind and this brews mistrust between families.

Sending her packing so that she becomes Gogo’s full-time househelp is uncalled for. I think you are overreacting; take it one step at a time. Two wrongs will never make a right.

Remember that regardless of whatever happens, she remains part of your family, so tread carefully. It is unfortunate that you cannot control what the househelp does during her free time. On the other hand, Gogo should have done better.

I suggest you and your husband speak to Gogo privately and strongly condemn this type of arrangement. If I were in your shoes, I would not dignify this activity by asking the househelp to join your meeting.

If you feel you cannot trust her anymore, then you may proceed to let her go. Please keep me posted.

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My wife is selfish

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I have been married for the past five years and we are blessed with two young kids. We are both gainfully employed.

Financially, we are stable, but my wife is one-sided. She only thinks about her family and their needs. Looking back, we have spent 80 percent of our holidays with her family or at her rural home.

The same percentage of visitors who come to our place are from her side. When it comes to assisting our parents, she makes sure hers get the lion’s share. Amai, how can this be made right or must I opt out?

If the truth be told, I did not realise that things were this bad until my parents and siblings sat me down. Please help.

Response

Dear writer, thank you for reaching out to me. I am fine and thanks for asking. I would have appreciated it if you had told me about how you relate to your wife.

Do you love each other and work as a team? You are the most important people in this whole scenario.

For more than five years, you participated in whatever your wife suggested and you were happy. It was only until your people opened your eyes that you started raising questions.

Where did you get the percentages you are talking about?

I have nothing against your family members’ observations, but I want you to take heed of the Shona adage “Zano pangwa uine rako”. It seems your wife does not do anything worthwhile for your people.

In my view, it would be grossly unfair to opt out without giving her a fair chance to let her explain herself. Sit down as a family and discuss this matter first and then go for professional counselling. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474