My wife is car-crazy

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I am a married man and a father of two boys. My spouse and I are both gainfully employed. We get on very well with our neighbours, who have three children. Our kids are age-mates; they play together and go to the same school.

My neighbour recently bought a car and offered my family to travel together with his. We would then share the operational costs of the car. I thanked him,  but declined the offer because, frankly, we would overload the small car.

I also considered that running costs would be too high. Having five kids and four adults in one sedan is a recipe for disaster. My wife did not take my decision well. She was very upset.

She believes I should not have spoken on behalf of the family because she would not have declined the offer. She has accused me of being a jealous and useless man. I have since told her that she is free to join the neighbours on their daily commute, but without my children. I am fed up with the whole incident. She continues to sulk day in, day out. Should I tell our neighbours that their offer has sown division in my home? How do I handle this?

Response

Hello writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. At times, I am very puzzled as to why people fight over petty issues. The car does not belong to your family and there is no need to fight over it. I applaud you for being reasonable; overloading a vehicle is dangerous. It is illegal and not the best way to travel with kids.

As parents, one of your main responsibilities is to decide what is best for your children.  Your wife should take heed of that. There is no need to further involve the neighbours in your domestic drama. You received an offer and declined it. It is a done deal. Do not wash your dirty linen in public. If you work hard, you can buy your own car. Instead of continuously bickering, I suggest you have a candid talk with your wife.

From your letter, I deciphered that your marriage lacks respect. To work on these and other issues, you need professional counselling. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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My career is at a standstill

I am a married man and a father of a young boy. I am employed by a very busy non-governmental organisation and we all work our socks off.

We start very early and at times knock off very late. As a department, we are doing very well, but when it comes to acknowledgements, it is only our head who is showered with praise.

I wonder if the top bosses ever realise that he does not do the work single-handedly. Team morale at work is now very low and things are going slow. Some are beginning to think he is receiving extra compensation behind our back since he is always being praised. Amai, I feel like quitting.

Response

Greetings dear writer. I commend you for working hard at your office. Hard work pays off. It is a sought-after quality that nobody can ever take away from you.  It is common knowledge that leaders are praised on behalf of their departments and teams. For instance, in school, the principal gets the praise if learners are well-behaved and excel in their studies. In the family structure, praise is often showered on the father.

Do not worry, young man. Continue to do your best. You will be rewarded for the good work when you least expect it.

Do not be dragged into negative groups of disgruntled workers who are coming up with their own theories.

Do not quit. Instead, work harder and gain more experience, and provide for your family. Do not create a storm in a teacup.

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Is my hubby stepping out on me?

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a middle-aged mother of two. I have been married for 15 years. I fell in love with my husband in high school, and we went to the same university. Our love blossomed into marriage.

He is a very good partner, but his problem was that of always being scruffy. I tried to tweak his looks, but I eventually gave up and accepted him for who he was.

He works for an uptown company. At the end of last year, he was given a young, smart personal assistant (PA) at work to help in his office. I do not know whether this is what has triggered a transformation. Amai, he has completely changed. He has started eating healthy and going to the gym. He has also revamped his wardrobe.

He now goes to the barbershop more often and maintains a smart haircut. He now even trims his beard in a very neat horseshoe style.

We are still very much in love but this change has knocked me off course. Zviri zvega here izvi? Even his family members are just as surprised. Amai, this is causing me sleepless nights. I do not know how to feel about this.

Response

I am very well and thank you for inquiring. Your letter is full of good news and it is very refreshing for a change. I do not understand your discomfort. This is what you tried to do over the years and now your dream has come true. I do not think the new PA has anything to do with this change; it could be a mere coincidence. Besides, there really is no smoking gun. Continue to be vigilant but at present I do not see any alarm bells going off. Your husband needs encouragement to maintain this lifestyle.

If funds permit, you can join him at the gym. You should also spice up your wardrobe so that you have a lot in common to talk about. Do it for your kids too so that it becomes a family transformation. Do not lose sleep over the new girl. I wish you all the best. Please keep me posted.

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