The Sunday Mail
Mai Chisamba, I am a girl aged 17 and I feel very unwanted. My mother and I never see eye-to-eye, we cannot be in the same space without sparking a verbal fight or two. I do not think my mother planned to have a child when she had me. She sees nothing good or positive in me.
When I was young I would seek to be near her to feel that motherly love but I was always left wanting. At times I would do some household chores like washing dishes and sweeping expecting to get a pat on the back but instead ndaitorohwa kana kutukwa. I was young, I wanted someone to encourage me and cheer me on but I always got the opposite.
My father is a great man he loves his children but he is so hen pecked vanotobatwawo semumwe mwana. I have a sister and two brothers but the others are treated better but not by much.
Last year while I was doing O-Level I fell in love with a guy who is one year older than me. After we finished our exams we went out and came home a bit late. My mother went into overdrive vakandipengera. My father tried to intervene and he was told to shut up.
I was made to pack up and go to stay with my boyfriend’s family – that is where I am staying as I write this letter. His parents accepted me warmly but are concerned about my age. Life is actually better here because kunofarwa but I long to go back home. I miss my father and my siblings. I know I cannot get legally married at 17.
The other reason is we were just starting our courtship we really do not know each other well to last a life time.
We are more of friends than lovers even here we do not stay as man and wife. His parents said no to that. Please help I am confused; is it possible for me to go back home? Do you think my hard-hearted mother will accept me? I want to carry on with my education and do something profitable in life. If I continue to stay here then what will be next? Please assist.
Response
Beloved writer thank you for writing in. I just felt it is high time someone called you beloved I think you deserve it. Your letter made me teary I salute you for being a brave girl. Do not call yourself confused because you are not. You are one girl who knows what she wants for her future. Education is a very powerful tool nobody can take that away from you.
It gives you the chance to choose what you want to be so that is a plus. In life we have what is called self-esteem it may be high or low depending on the people that surround you, family included. I do not know why your mother is the way she is but I really do not want to dwell on her too much. Mothers are supposed to be the backbone of each and every home but she is the exact opposite. I work with the writer so let us bring it back to you.
First and foremost let me salute your boyfriend’s parents for accepting you after you were banished by your mother. They took the law into consideration and did the best they could do for you. It is true as a minor you cannot get married until you are 18. The fact that they do not allow you to reside as man and wife is very noble. For other parents out there please do not chase your children away from home but communicate and solve the problem amicably. Marriage is a lifelong companionship so please musaite mawira mombe.
You boldly stated that you have not known each other to warrant a marriage, that is a very good observation. If you are serious about each other continue with your courtship until zvaita. Yes, it is good to go back home because that is where you belong.
Taurai navana tete navana mbuya from both sides so that they speak to your parents. It is not good to come home late but there is a way of doing things, your father who is head of the family will definitely accept you back and then influence your mum. I encourage you to raise your self-esteem and never feel unwanted. At 17 you can now help your mum see the bright side of life, continue to strive for success and pray for your family.
Do not be discouraged you are a precious gift from God to your family. I hope you will go back home, let us start by pushing for this using structures within the family and see how it goes. Stand up and be counted, go girl go you have what it takes. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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