The Sunday Mail
Hello amai. I hope I find you well. I am a 23-year-old woman in my final year of university. I am dating a guy who is seven years older than me. I have known him for a long time because he lives close by.
He tried many times to ask me out and I always used to decline until this year in January when I finally gave him a chance. We never do anything exciting except hang out at home.
He even forgot about my birthday and did not even send a text. He does not communicate well and I seem to be making all the effort. He said he wants us to settle down.
I do not know if this is a good idea when there is already a disconnect between us. Please help.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. The first observation is that you rejected his advances many times. That tells me a lot.
At some level, I think you already knew he was not the right person for you, but you gave him a chance anyway. Is he employed?
You said he never takes you anywhere or does grand gestures to show his affection. At times the things you expect may genuinely be out of his reach.
I think you cannot speak of settling down if the courtship itself is this casual. Tell him what you expect from him and how it would make your relationship a lot better.
Only then can you even consider the thought of settling down. Do it now so you know where you stand with him.
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Dating a pastor is boring
I am dating a divorced pastor who is always moody and very arrogant. We have a 14-year age difference, which I am not very comfortable with.
My problem is he does not show love at all; we hardly have any fun. Our correspondence leaves a lot to be desired.
If I do not call him or text, he keeps quiet; there is no reciprocation at all. I am also a pastor but in a different denomination.
Amai, what I fail to understand is this person wants us to be married as soon as possible. Please advise me.
Response
They say age is just a number but here it seems to be a real problem. The definition of fun is different for both of you. Since he is a divorcee, perhaps he feels he has seen it and done it all.
Why not go for counselling? You need a mediator to try to resolve this. The lack of communication and effort on his part is also a cause for concern.
If you want more out of this, you need to tell him; then take it from there. Marriage is a big step that needs to be built on a very solid courtship. I wish you all the best.
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I want to follow my passion
Thank you so much for The Sunday Mail column. I am an 18-year-old high school student.
I love arts subjects and related programmes with a passion, but I do not get any support from my parents. They want me to be a medical doctor because I am also doing so well in sciences.
Inasmuch as I need their input, I do not want to be forced into doing something that I am not passionate about. With all due respect, I think it is a boring job and more of a vocation.
When I visualise my future, I see myself as a great musician. I love the entertainment industry. Each time we talk about this we end up having verbal fights with my parents.
It is unfortunate that they think I am getting this influence from bad friends, especially vana rasta.
How do I make them understand? I am the only boy and the last-born in a family of five.
Response
Greetings young writer. I am glad that you are doing well in school. It is important to follow your passion as well as strike a balance with your parents. Which school do you go to?
Is career guidance available? If so, the counsellor must have a sit-down with your parents and explore the options available. They may be hanging on to the medical doctor dream because they are not aware of the new opportunities in the arts sector or other emerging markets.
It is important to be well informed before making a choice. Ana rasta havana chavatadza. Push for this idea even if it means finding an external career guidance counsellor. I am sure there is a path that can leave both you and your parents in a good space. Keep excelling in your academics. The sky is the limit!
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