The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 44 years old. We have three children together and I am not happy in my marriage because he is not supportive. When we got married, I was in college and I was unemployed. He was the sole breadwinner.
His job involved travelling overseas and he had a lot of friends in high places. Problems began to arise when I would ask him to give me some money to start a business or get me a job. He would never oblige and only made major moves like big purchases when they were suggested to him by his friends and not me. I remember that is how we upgraded our television. I eventually got a job and started a business by the side.
The economy being what it is, my husband’s job is no longer paying well. Instead of helping me grow my business he takes money from the business and splashes our savings. He says he needs a lot of capital to start his own business but I just do not see it. These money matters are straining our relationship please help.
Response
I am concerned that finances are making you resent your partner. It is always good to make hay while the sun shines. Your hubby does not seem like the disciplined type when it comes to money matters. You should plan and budget together otherwise you risk losing it all. My advice is for the two of you to engage a financial advisor or a counsellor.
I do not doubt that this will also make him see the logic behind saving. You are people with children and an emergency may befall you at any given time. You have to be smart. I also feel like your husband must stop listening to other people more than he listens to you when it comes to finances and big purchases.
He must keep your finances a private affair. Tell him that his ways have had undesired consequences on your relationship and if he does not hear you out you will reach out to other avenues like his tete. Be firm with him and look after your family as best as you can.
Different churches splitting us apart
Makadii amai? I am a married woman and I have been going to my church since I was a young lady. When my husband came into my life he told me that he did not go to one particular church. I invited him to my church and he became a member and was baptised.
Two years after we got married I went to school and when I came back he had thrown out all the things from my church and he told me that as a family we now had to attend his church. It is also a Christian church but I knew nothing about him being a member there. It is causing friction in our household and I do not know what to do. I am shocked and I feel like I am being forced, all compromise has gone out the window. What do I do?
Response
Ndiripo kana wakadiniwo. Let me start by saying that the couple that prays together stays together. You were doing so well initially why did everything change after you went to school? Your husband should be ashamed of himself that is not how you break news. If you want to go to church as a family there are more subtle ways of asking.
I think you need to rope in a family member of his, especially one that attends the same church as him and air out your concerns. The three of you must then plot a way forward. That would be the Christian thing to do. Either way, I think as a family it would be easier and more convenient to pick one church. As partners, you need to communicate well and avoid getting fired up over the small things.
You both want to serve the Lord, figure out a way to do it that does not strain your relationship. I would also want you to explain to your husband how confused you are that he lied to you when you started getting serious.
What were his reasons? If he was doing it to keep your relationship intact does it mean he no longer cares now? To all the couples out there avoid building relationships on lies and shifting sand. These lies often resurface and cause uncalled for drama. I would be happy yo hear from you again.
Family feud
I am a young lady and I am married with one child. I did not have a good relationship with my stepmother. I used to stay with my father and stepmother and when I would try to tell him that she was mean he would not listen.
Now that I have a house of my own, I do not visit. He asked me to go and see her and I told him it was a bad idea. I have not spoken to my stepmother since I left about eight months back. He scolded me for wanting to tear him and his wife apart. How can I resolve this family feud?
Response
You are right when you talk of a family feud. I think your father has it worse because he is caught in the middle. You need to make peace by going for therapy. A professional will help you resolve these underlying issues. Why is she mean towards you?
Have you wronged each other in the past and do you blame her for your biological mother and father not being together? There are so many loose ends that need to be straightened out if you are ever going to get past this. I will get you in contact with some people who specialise in this field. It shall be well, keep an open mind and a forgiving heart.
