Gardener betrayed my trust

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a happily married mother of two. My husband and I are gainfully employed and we have a small plot at our premises that we grow different types of vegetables and sell to vendors.

We also reserve some produce for family and friends.

I have a hardworking gardener and he had been trustworthy for over a decade. Last week, I went home unannounced, earlier than expected. I caught my gardener red-handed.

He was selling some of the produce to people who reside in our neighbourhood. I lost my cool and addressed him immediately.

He was so embarrassed and asked for forgiveness. My husband wanted to call the police on him and I said no,  but I regret that now. The people he was selling produce to threw him under the bus and told me he sold produce to them daily.

They also mentioned that they came to buy from him between 9am and 10am each day. They also claimed they did not know that he was doing it behind my back.

He did not cash these secret amounts. He only gave me money that came in through orders that I knew about. I felt so angry. I realised that he was not the good guy he pretended to be after all these years. I have lost all the trust I had in him. He even had keys to our safe. Amai, help, I am broken.

Response

Hello writer, I am well and thanks for asking. I know how disturbing this must be. You had even gone a step further and given him the keys to your safe. When you stay with someone for a long period, it is easy to forget that they are not family.

I think your husband was right because what he did was criminal. How much have you lost in total to this fraudster? Giving a worker the keys to the safe was a terrible idea.

It is noble that he asked for forgiveness, but that does not mean he should stay on. He has proven to be a letdown.

There are a number of cases where families were raided, robbed, maimed and killed by their greedy and envious workers. There is no one who is indispensable. I wish you all the best.

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Mother-in-law is ungrateful

Dear Amai, I am a 37-year-old married mother of two. I met my husband at university and we have been together for 10 years. We are both degreed and gainfully employed. Ladies at my work place have a grocery club and I am part of it. Every monthend, groceries are distributed to members equally.

I share my provisions with my mum and mother-in law religiously. I give with all my heart, and I am the only daughter-in-law who does that. I was shocked when my mother-in-law sent me a message suggesting that I give her cash instead of the cheap groceries I gift her.

I have not responded because I am still at a loss for words. My husband has said we will not replace groceries with cash. My sister-in-law, who is married to my husband’s brother, said they have been down that road before. She added that Amai is a problem-causer. What is your take on this one? I am very confused?

Response

Dear writer, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I am very well and thanks for asking. Let me commend you for sharing your groceries with you mother and mother-in-law. In life, people respond to situations in different ways.

I know when you give from the heart you are not bothered by whatever is said or done after because you will have done it whole-heartedly. I think your mother-in-law’s message was mean. She actually thought aloud.

Even if she did not like what she determined to be cheap brands, she could have quietly given to the needy within the family or community. She has made a decision that she does not want the groceries.

So be it. You cannot force her. I am glad you are on the same page with your husband. Do not take it to heart. It is now water under the bridge. I suggest you do not dignify her request with an answer.

Stay within your budget and do not make hasty decisions. Regardless of her character flaws, she will always be your mother-in-law. At least now you know how best to handle her. I wish you all the best.

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I smell a rat

I am a married mother of a school-going child. I work at a hardware with a small team of helpers. There are two major roads between us and the school, so the child has to be accompanied to cross the road. My husband works for an NGO and is on leave for a month.

I asked him to do the school run and he refused because he stated that he was working on his college programme.

I am surprised he is now doing the school run, accompanied by the maid. I asked him why he goes with her and his response was that he does not like getting out of the car when he gets to the school. Amai, I am not comfortable with this arrangement. What can I do?

Response

Dear writer, thank you for your communication. The first response from your husband made it sound like he was very busy. What happened to make him change his mind? How did he approach the maid and set the current arrangement? Those are two loaded questions you should ponder on.

However, I do not want my response to be based solely on assumptions as there is no smoking gun. To cut a long story short, I suggest you take over the school run again and let your husband carry on with his studies. Do not waste time arguing about this. Your peace of mind is not worth it. I wish you all the best.

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