My wife was raped, it still pains me

This week our popular column takes a new twist, we are inviting readers to respond to some of the problems that would have been raised here.
Readers can use [email protected] or visit the Facebook page Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba to contribute to any of the issues that would have been raised. You can also use the same platforms to raise your problems.

As a response to several of our readers, we are going to be using English so that we communicate to a wider audience. This is also so that our problems are read and reacted to by a wider community. The following are this week’s problems, you are free to help our fellow readers.

My mother in-law has overstayed
Zvamunoona tsitsi dzinoparira, gore rakapera my mother-in-law fell sick and the maid from kumusha kept calling my wife achiti aah gogo varwarisa havachadya, vakutadza kufamba nezvimwewo zvakadaro. My wife was very worried about this, ini ndikati endai munovatora.
Hanzvadzi dzake nevakoma vake hapana akambomhanya mhanya neurwere uhu. Takaita zvose zvekurapisa, chanetsa havachadi kudzokera kumusha kana Christmas ya2013 vakadyira pamba pangu.

She goes for routine check-ups every month end, saka vanongoti ndakamirira kuenda kwachiremba mwedzi wega wega. Pavana vavo vese hapana anomboti regai ndimbotorawo amai, instead they come in their numbers pamaweekends and holidays to see gogo.

I tried to talk to my wife kuti amai ngavadzokere kumusha kuna baba akatotsamwa akati haunzwisise, vari pano nekurwara otherwise dai vasiri pano. Pamba pakuita kunge paMbare Musika bus station, hama dzese dzinoda kuvaona dzinongouya, dai kuri kuuya chete, asi vanodya, vamwe vanorara.

I can’t afford this type of life, I am just fed up. Vabereki vangu vapenyu, mai vangu vaiti ndinotongwa nemukadzi, isu hatichauyako. Since my mother-in-law came to stay with us my own parents have boycotted me, havauye zvachose. Ndoitawo sei? Wanano yangu yakuvhiringwa, hama dzangu dzakatsamwawo. Handina kusununguka pamba pangu, iniwo ndatsamwa. – Gerald.

Response
Usadya huroyi nekunyara, communication ndiwo mushonga mukuru. Musanetseke nenyaya inogadzirisika kani.
Ngatitangei naambuya vako, vadaidzirei sahwira wavo kana hama dzavo dzivayeuchidze that she is a married woman and
she must stay at her marital home.

Sekuru havafanire kugara nevashandi mbuya vari vapenyu, imiwo give her the assurance that she will be brought into town for her monthly check-ups.

The other option is taurai nehanzvadzi nevakoma vemudzimai wako kuti nyaya yamai inoda kugamhana, sei vana tsano vako vabva vataramuka zvakadai kusvika pakuchengeterwa mai?

Taura nemudzimai wako onesanai kurema kwazviri kuita pasina kutukana. Mukugadzirisa zvamai vemudzimai wako usakanganwewo kuti vabereki vako vanodawo kutaurwa navo kuti vasaramwe. Chikumbiro changu ndechekuti vabereki ngatinzwisisei kuti kana vana vave nemisha yavo we should not interfere unnecessarily. Good luck, unozondiudza kuti zvazofamba sei.

Amai Chisamba I am pained – my dearest has been raped and though the rapist was arrested and sentenced – zviri kuramba kupora.
Though it has happened years ago, every time I read a story in the newspapers about someone being raped the wound becomes as fresh as if it happened yesterday. Please help me, it’s now like every rape victim is my child, wife, sister or mother – I take it very personally to the extent that I even spend some days very angry . . .

My heart is bleeding as I am writing this, I am in anguish that no words can describe. What should we do with rapists? If my child is raped, zvinongopera here by slapping the rapist with 12 years behind bars of which 2 are suspended on condition of good behaviour?
Please help me I am really struggling to come to terms with the current trends in our judicial system. To me raping somebody is the same as killing that person, and if I have raped someone why should I not be killed also – give me one good reason for keeping me alive? Please help me, why are you keeping me alive after raping three women and then gruesomely murder the victims plus their little ones? Are we going somewhere?

I know this will not make sense to most of you who are going to read this, but just imagine someone raping your daughter, wife or mother? This is cruelty of the highest degree and what is saddening is that society today has nurtured this and allowed it to grow to such alarming levels that we witness today.

For how long shall we condone rapists, once they are in jail they are given the best attention as if they have done something praiseworthy, as if by raping they have earned themselves an enviable position in society. Pressure groups, NGOs and some funny organisations will start talking about prisoners’ rights, blah blah, yet their victims are dying, no one gives attention to them anymore, no compensation of any kind – is this justice? Please let us have a death penalty for rapists, these rapists should compensate their victims! Zero tolerance to rapists.
Let’s help in building a better Zimbabwe for our daughters, wives and mothers, let us make Zimbabwe a safe place for our dear sisters. Please help to stop rape at home, at school, at the work place, everywhere and as Zimbabweans let us even take this war beyond the borders. Let us give this pandemic the attention it deserves! I am in pain. – Lovemore.

Response
I can feel your pain and anger. Zvakaoma, ironda rinonetsa kupora as you rightfully say. Wese munhu anonzwisisa kurwadza uku anoda kuti mutemo uomesese sekutaura kwako, unfortunately or fortunately our judiciary is guided by the country’s Constitution.
It’s in your best interest to know what the law says. Mitemo inoiswa nevanhu ichibviswazve nevanhu saka hero jira kufuka kana kuwarira.
The law is stubborn nekuti nguva zhinji unopinda paungafunga kuti padivi. Rape is cruelty at its worst, you can never come to terms with it. Kubhinya kwakafanana nekuponda asi kunyange zvakadaro mhondi ine kodzero dzayo semunhu.
Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti gara pasi nenyanzvi dzinopodza vamwe zvikuru sei muhurukuro ubatsirwe. Kunyange zvichirwadza you need to move on nekuti hauna kana kumbosuduruka kubva pamarwadzo aya.  Hongu zvakanaka kuti munhu wese amire akachama kurwisa hondo iyi.
Tinotenda kuti munharaunda nemuzvikoro kunyange vana vanemazera madiki vari kudzidziswa nekupiwa chenjedzo iyi.

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