Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba

My brother is stingy
Tsamba yangu ndanyora nemoyo wese please don’t get me wrong handina kana jealous asi kutoshamisika. Lovemore is my brother, I come after him. Akaomera zvekuti akakupa chinhu unotoshaya kuti mashura here kana kuti kwete. Ane hupenyu hwepamusoro nemhuri yake. Chiri kundishamisa ndechekuti kuchurch anopa nekuyamura zvisingaite, ndiye mukuru wefund-raising committee. Church yese inogutsikana naye kana mafunctions ekereke yake ndiye mapata kiyi. Vabereki vedu vapenyu, vanorarama upenyu hwekuvavarira, kana vasina kumukumbira haambofunga kuvabatsira. Lovemore ari kutsvaga mbiri kuchurch here kana kuti anoda kuonekwa too much? Kana ivo Mwari vanotii nezvinhu zvakadai? I can’t understand. – Munin’ina waLovemore
Response
Ndinotenda netsamba yako asi ndanyatsoshaya kuti iwe dambudziko rako nderei. Zvaunoona mukatarisa vabereki muchiti ngana ndiye anazvo ngaaite newewo unoshaya mablessings. Munhu nemunhu ngaabatsire vabereki vake sekunge akazvarwa ega, love them and do whatever you can for them. Zvekukonda Lovemore zvinoita kuti ushaye hanya nevabereki. Wabvunza kuti Mwari vanotii, chokwadi handingatori nzvimbo yavo asi ndinogona kugoverana newe zvishoma zvinodzidziswa muchitendero chechiKristu. Kupa kunofanira kubva pasi pemoyo saka ini newe hatigone kuti ari kupa kuti aonekwe because we don’t know. Zvakanaka zvinotangira kumhuri dzedu tisati tambosvika kuchurch, charity begins at home. Kuremekedza nekubatsira vabereki ikurudziro huru iri mubhuku rechitendero ichi. Ngazvipe mwana wega wega mufaro kubatsira vabereki kuti hupenyu huvarerukire. Imi semhuri kana sabrother makamboonesana here naLovemore kuti ukadai dai zvinganake? Some people get carried away, kudzorana kwakanaka nguva dzese. Chimwe chinhu chinotadzisa vanhu kuvakana ndiwo makuhwa, tauriranai and map your way forward as family. Jealous rawamboti hauna rinogona kupfunya chisero mauri ukarega kutsiura mukoma wako murudo. Zvakakosha kuita basa rechurch kana chinangwa chiri chekuitira Mwari.

My neighbour is a rumour monger
Mai Chisamba makadii henyu? Ini ndinogara kuGweru. Dambudziko rangu nderekuti muvakidzani wangu ane guhwa, godo nehutsinye. Murume wamai ava anotongwa zvekuti ivo mai ava is in charge of everything. Handitogoni kugara nevashandi vangu, vanenge vachivaudza kuti pamauya apa hapagarwi, as a result vanouya vese vanongoenda nezvikonzero zvakasiyana siyana. Vanotaura zvakawanda zvekunyepa pamusoro pangu and my family. Ndashaya mufaro asi ndiri pamba pangu. Vanonzwanana nevashandi vangu in order to get any information that she can come across concerning us. Nguva zhinji ndinosanganisana meso navo vachidongorera nepakabooka durawall yangu. Kunyange ndikarambidza vashandi vangu kutaudzana navo vanotovawanira plan chete. Ini ndinoenda kubasa ivo havasevenzi. Ndakanzwa kuti pamwe vanotokumbira zvinhu kumba kwangu vachipiwa. Ndoita sei kungave kugarawo kwakadai here? – Worried Neighbour
Response
Zvinorwadza kutadza kufaranuka uri pamba pako, asi zvimwewo muri kunyanya kudzamisa zvinhu zvisina basa. Mataura mega kuti vanotaura manyepo pamusoro penyu, so why are you worried about that? Hana (conscience) yenyu ndiye munhu. Vanhu kazhinji vasina zvinobatika zvekuita vanozvipinza basa rekunyepa so don’t dignify their activities nekutambudzika. Nhema dzinongoramba dziri nhema kunyange dzikambo kwenenzverwa sechokwadi, zvinozongooneka kuti manyepo. Secondly musazvidzikisire nekuudza vashandi kuti vasataure ne neighbour yenyu, no, no that’s cheap. Kana hurukuro dzavo dzisingakanganise basa renyu nyararai, munongotsiura chete kana zvobata basa. Mukavatsiura muri kuvapa zvekukurukura. Nyaya dzemakuhwa dzinonetsa nguva zhinji nekuti panenge pasina umbowo hunobatika. Kana pakave nechokwadi inyaya chaiyo yamungatonomhan’ara ikagadziriswa mumutemo. Kana mawana mari gadzirisai pakadonha durawall kana kumbotsvaga marata ekupavhara. Kana muri munodaira kuna Musikavanhu, pray about it, there is power in prayer, munongozoona zvinhu zvichigadzirika makavarairwa.

My wife is immature
Mufaro kwamuri. Ndiri murume ane 21 years and my wife is 23.Tine gore tiri tose pamwe nemwanasikana mucheche. Ini ndaimuda chose at first but now, ah, chokwadi, handichada. Munhu ane pamuromo uye ane shanje dzakanyanya, kungoti nditaure nemunhukadzi chero zera anoti wakutodanana naye apa bonde racho rinobhowa haasi adventurous. Ndakamboedza. Apa kuti nditsiure kanhu kadiki munhu oti ndoenda kumba kwedu, etc, etc, just because she has a degree, hanzi plus I will sue you for time wasting. Ndaimbonyengerera pekutanga but now, ah, anoenda hake. Problem is my daughter ndiye vandorwadzirwa. Ndogara nemunhu wandisingadi here kuitira mwana, ndodii? Tinogona kupedza mwedzi tisina kuita bonde, imagine. – Malvin

Response
Chimwe chinhu chikuru chinoita kuti vanhu varoorane kuvimbana, a marriage without trust is just empty, zvakare nyaya yekuti ndinodzokera kumba kwedu is lack of maturity. Shanje yauri kutsanangura iyi iriko asi inowanzoitwa nevanhu vane kakuperevera (inferiority complex). Unoiwanepiko nyika yekuti hapana anotaura nespouse yako? Inga zvinonzwisa tsitsi, nhai. Bonde rakasiyana nemutambo wetsiva (boxing) unongonzi arohwa knockout. Bonde chiga chinokosha muwanano chinoda love, patience and time. Hatidi anoshora mumwe pamusoro pekusafamba kwaro zvakanaka nekuti kukundikana kwevaviri. Mukarezvana nekuvaraidzana zvakanaka, hasha, kuneta, kutsamwa nekusada kana kurwara chaiko zvose zvinogona kupedzwa nebonde. Ukaona pane chasaririra pane zvandataura then you are both to blame, hapana zvamaita. Ndapota kana usisade munhu usamunyepere asi ndinokuridzira kutanga mambotaura nema marriage counsellors kana vana tete musati mapaza musha, pada zvinenge zviri zvinhu zvinogadzirika. Marriage is a life-time commitment, it’s not mutambo we “jump in and jump out”. Twese tumwe twechikoro nekudzokera kumba kwedu nekuti mwana wangu haisiriyo nyaya. Gara pasi nenyanzvi mobudirana pachena munobatsirika. Good luck.

My husband is a no-show in bed
Makadii Mai Chisamba ndibatsireiwo. Ndakachata makore mashanu apfuura handina mwana. Kumadoctors murume wangu akanzi ane low sperm count, asi dambudziko rangu nderekuti murume uyu haadi kurapwa zvakare pabonde chaipo hapana chinobuda. Nguva zhinji nhengo yake haimiri, uye ikamira, inorara pakare tisati tambodii. Anonwa doro zvekuraradza uye hama dzake kunyanya dzekwamai hadzivake. Pose paanotambira, haarare pamba, mwedzi woga woga, anenge achidya mari. Kana yapera odzoka. Ini ndinodawo mwana asi ndoita naniko mwana nhai veduwe? Ndotsvaga mwana kurutivi here? Kana ari sober anonyarara kuti zii, kana adhakwa ndopaanoda kuronga zvemusha zvaasingazoite futi. Dai achibvuma kana kunamata zvaive nani, vabereki vake chaivo haachengeti, mari yake inoperera muzvipfeve nedoro. – Frustrated.

Response
My friend, first and foremost let me say marriage is not about children, it is about true companionship, handidi kuti titadze kupabata ipapa, zvipo zvinotobva kuna Mwari. Hongu bonde rinodiwa nezvimwe zvese kubatsidzira pawanano but we should not lose focus. How dare you say wakuda kutsvaga mwana kunze? Hazviitwe izvi, apa unenge ukunyengedza ani? Uri kushuwira murume wako kuti dai anamata iwe wacho uri kutaridza pfungwa dzemunhu asinganamate nekuda kuita chikomba chinokupa mwana. Ndiwo huroyi kana usingazive. Nyaya yelow sperm count nekusamira kwesikarudzi yake inyaya inotoda kuti iwe umutsigire nekumunyaradza kwete kubhabhauka kwauri kuita. Ndakambopa zita radoctor vanobata neunyanzvi nyaya dzesikarudzi dzevarume pada icondition inogadzirika. Mazuvano kune humhizha (technology) yakakomba, zvose zvizhinji izvi zvave kugadzirika. Imbokurukurai nenyanzvi dzewanano pada akuhwanda nekumwa doro kuti asafunge zvakawanda. Upenyu imhindu-pindu hazvireve kuti zvauri mutano nhasi ndizvo zvachiramba zvakaita. Remember one of your wedding vows, ‘‘for better and for worse’’ saka iwe umire papi? Nyaya iyi yakasiyana nemurume anoshungurudza mukadzi wake, he needs a shoulder to cry on. This is a very sensitive issue nekuti zvinobata sikarudzi yemunhu zvinobata hupenyu. Nyaya yako inenge iri kuzvipikisa, uri kuti sikarudzi yake haishande, ko zvipfeve zvauri kutaura anezenge akumbira yaaniko? Check your facts. Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti batsiranai naye, convince him to go and see a doctor musinga muny’ombe tozotarisa zvimwe zvese izvi later.

My baby looks like our lodger
Takabatsirwa nemwana mukomana mwedzi mitatu yapfuura mumashure mekunge tagarisana eight years mbereko ichinetsa. Chiri kundirwadza, amai, ndechekuti mwana akafanana nemukomana anoroja patinogara zvinotyisa. Ndakazviona and I said I will ignore this and keep it to myself. Mai vangu pavakauya kuzoona mwana vakashamisika nemafananiro aya, iye zvino vanhu vakawanda vanopa the same comment. Amai Chisamba, it’s killing me. Handichina mufaro nemwana uyu. Ndakabvunza mudzimai wangu akati ndisamufungire zvakashata kudai, iye ari kuti muchivanhu chedu inonzi nhoredzerwa. Imi makambonzwawo zvakadai? Zvinhu zvinoitika here? Ko ndikabvunza muroja uyu ndingapare mhaka here? Ndibatsireiwo please. – Anon

Response
Makorokoto emwana mutsva, chipo chinoshamisa zvikuru, sei mambomirira kwemakore masere. I hear you asi nyaya iyi ndeyekufungira. Wakambozviona here kuti dzimwe nguva maziso edu anoona zvatinoda kuti aone. Munyika matinogara apa nepapo tinomboosangana nevanhu vatisingazive asi tichiona kuti inga vakafanana nanhingi wani. Hongu nhoredzerwa dziriko dzinokonzera kufanana kwevanhu. Handigone kuti mwana ndewani iye asina kuita DNA tests. Kana usiri kugudzikana matests aya anokupa kuzorora nekuti anobva ataura zvazviri kuti ndewako here kana kuti kwete. In the meantime enjoy your marriage and your baby dzamara wazviita. Kana usingade kuzviita then forget about it and move on, obva watokumbira ruregerero kune mudzimai wako nekuti kana zvisirizvo ironda guru pamoyo pake. Mai vako havana kuita semunhu mukuru, dai vakaita fungira mumoyo rwendo rwembwa kudzamara zvinhu izvi zvaongororwa. Ndapota usabvunze muroja wenyu, imhosva inototarisana nemutemo, mhosva yekupumha munhu — defamation. Cheer up and be yourself until you are hundred percent sure about this issue.

‘He is mummy’s baby’
Mai Chisamba nyaya yangu idiki-diki kasi inorwadza chose. Ndiri mudzimai wechidiki 29 years old, tine vana vaviri vakomana vese ini nemurume wangu hatina dambudziko. Hupenyu hwangu ndinoita sendakaroorwa navamwene vangu. l love my husband and l enjoy his company asi mai vakangoti ndiende kumusha ndinomhanyiswa. Ivo mai paisevenza baba vaigara vese kuno Harare vasingade zvekumusha asi ini ndongonzi ndigare kumusha. Ndiri mwana akakurira kuMufakose, zvekufudza mombe nehupenyu hwekumusha zviri kundiremera.
Murume wangu aida kuvatsvagira mukomana anobatsira pamusha vakati tipei hedu mari yacho mabasa epa musha tinobatsirana nemuroora. Handizvide ndakutofunga kudzokera kumba kwedu. Murume wangu anoita serema anongobvuma zvese. Kumusha kwacho tinogara takatsamwidzana naamai, l am just fed up. – Martha

Response
Ndinokutenda netsamba yako asi rega nditi nyaya yekungoti ndinodzokera kumba kwedu inoratidza lack of maturity. Hausi muromo kwawo iwowo, nyaya dzino kurukurwa. Garai pasi semhuri musingabane makotsi, motaurirana. Mai ngavaremekedze wanano yemwana wavo apo ne apo pavanenge vachida kubatsirwa moronga muchitenderana kwete kungoti pavafungira, munhu wese ane hurongwa hwemhuri yake saka ngavarege kuita sekunge hamunawo zvemba yenyu. Nguva zhinji ndinokurudzira kuti kana muchiita dare namai zvinenge zvakanaka kuti pange pane mumwe wehukama hwavo kuitira mangwana. Hazvina hutano kuti muwanano vanhu vanogara vakaparadzana, kune miyedzo inogona kupinda ichikonzera hurwere.
Mai ngavanzwisise kuti chikonzero chewanano ndechekuti vanhu vagare murudo pamwechete semurume nemukadzi. Varidzi vemusha ngavaenderere mberi nehurongwa hwavo vasinga kanganisewo imwe mhuri.
Vamwene ngavatore mukadzi wemwana wavo semuroora kwete semushandi, kuremekedzana mushonga mukuru. Wataura zvemombe kasi unodzitya kani? Chengeta imba yako nemhuri yako, ndinokushuwira rombo rakanaka muhurukuro dzenyu.

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