Workmate is too clingy

Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a young, handsome and newly married man. I am aged 28 and my wife is 30. I am not bothered by our two-year age difference at all. Some members of my family were concerned, but I assured them that I was fine with it.

My spouse and I are both degreed and gainfully employed. We are yet to start a family, but it seems we have started on a good note.

However, at work, there is a single lady who is the same age as I and is making advances towards me. Wherever we are as a team, she comes to sit next to me — even in the canteen. My workmates now jokingly call her my second wife. When she has some spare time, she comes to sit in my office. At times I pretend to be busy, but that does not bother her. Amai, I do not want my wife to get wind of this because all hell will break loose. How do I push this woman away? She is too clingy?

Response

Dear Mr Handsome, I am very well and thanks for asking. Congratulations on your wedding. I am happy you do not have an issue with your wife’s age, it is just a number. You took a firm stance regarding her age and you must stand by it forever.

Regarding your work situation, why do you entertain a joke that is in bad taste? Your colleagues must respect the fact that you are married and stop calling this other woman your second wife.

What are they insinuating? I urge you to act fast and put an end to it. Have a candid talk with this woman and inform her that you do not want her to cling to you because of your marital status. You are colleagues and there is a line that must not be crossed. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Mother-in-law cannot take a hint

I am a married woman and I have two minor children. I am a vendor. My husband at times goes door-to-door looking for menial jobs, but to no avail.

We are a loving family and we rent two rooms in the ghetto. One room serves as the kitchen and the kids’ bedroom. My mother-in-law visits once every two months for her routine medical checkup.

She chooses to stay with us in these conditions. The irony is that my husband’s brother stays in the same neighbourhood and has a four-bedroom house, but she does not want to go and stay there.

They come to see her here. This is causing me a lot of discomfort because the other family members now think I badmouth them in order to curry favour with her. My husband feels the same but we cannot physically kick her out. How do we solve this issue, Amai?

Response

Thank you for working hard for your family. As you toil, try and save the little you can and before you know it, you will have a cushion to fall back on during extremely difficult times.

Despite all these challenges, you remain a loving family and I bet that is what attracts your mother-in-law and other visitors to your humble home.

Most people would rather have love than comfort. My advice is: Do not worry about what other people say or think, just continue doing your best.

In our culture, a happy home is measured by the visitors you host at any given time. You can run out of provisions but you cannot run out of love.

I am sure she has her reasons for preferring to visit you more than everyone else. Keep fostering a good relationship with your mother-in-law. Tomorrow is not promised. Make the best memories you can. I wish you all the best.

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Should we quit our church?

I am aged 44 and my wife is 40. We are blessed with three teenage children. We go to a church that does not allow the consumption of alcoholic drinks. My wife and I, as well as a few friends from church, drink secretly.

We had a get together at our house with our church friends and we had some beers and wine. As we were merrymaking, our reverend showed up from nowhere, saying he just wanted to say hello. We were caught red-handed with our glasses full of booze. We were all drinking and dancing. When he arrived, we froze and could not run away. He apologised for showing up unannounced and he asked us to put our glasses down so that he could say a word of prayer.

After he drove away, we felt bad and ashamed. What made it worse is he did not reprimand us at all. It has been three weeks since the incident took place and we have not gone to church. My husband suggests that we should quit the church. I am confused.

Response

Dear writer, thank you for reaching out to me. My question is: Who is fooling who? There are many churches. All you need to do is to go to a church that allows you to live the way you deem fit. You are behaving like high school kids and yet you are parents with kids who look up to you.

Are you able to truly stop drinking if you go back to church? I think you need to be true to yourselves and decide what you want. I think you all owe the reverend an apology because you betrayed him. There is nothing like drinking secretly, especially if you give the impression that you follow all the dictates of your particular church. Keep me posted after your decision.

 

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