The Sunday Mail
MAI CHISAMBA
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 39 and my husband is 41. We have two teenage daughters. I got a househelp from an agency for the first time in my life because I was desperate.
I interviewed three and picked the one I thought was the best of them all. Even then, I had my doubts. When we got home, I was shocked when she told me that she would never wear a househelp uniform.
For the past week, she has been coming to work in very tight clothes and I am fed up. The other day, she went to sleep and left the dishes in the sink. She tried to justify her actions by saying it was my daughter’s turn to wash them. At the time, my daughter was doing homework.
When she works in the kitchen, she leaves the door ajar so that she has a full view of the television set. My husband is quiet about this because he had previously advised me not to get a househelp from the agency, citing its bad track record. Amai, the atmosphere in my home is tense. Please advise me.
Response
Dear writer, I am well and thank you for asking. I am sorry about what is going on in your home. In this instance, I am siding with your husband. You admitted that even when you picked this househelp you were not fully convinced she could deliver.
I do not want to paint all the agencies with the same brush because there could be some good ones out there. However, there are many things you need to consider before you decide to deal with an agency. For instance, you have to check if the agency is registered. You need to also check if the candidates for the job have valid police clearance.
Many seek trained househelps, but the million-dollar question is: What criteria is used to deem whether one is fully trained or not? I advise you to let this girl go before it is too late. By refusing to wear a uniform, she has already shown you that she does not take instructions. There are many red flags. You need to enjoy your home and not live in frustration. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I’m in a world of confusion
I am a married woman, who is blessed with one child. My husband runs our family business. I join him during weekends when I am not busy. I became very close with a colleague for the past six years, and some even think we are related. This friendship has brought our spouses and kids together, and we highly treasure this relationship. However, I got the shock of my life when she told me that her husband said he was fed up with our “notorious union”.
She would not say how they got to talking about us. I cried my eyes out because I was hurt and waited to tell my husband. He came home late, but I was ready to tell him my story.
My husband did not give me a quick response, but when he did, he just rubbed salt into the wound. He said: “I side with the guy; hamuiti.” He then started watching television. I am heartbroken. I do not know the meaning of all this. Should I ask my friend’s husband so that I get to the bottom of this issue?
Response
Hello and thanks very much for your letter. My guess is just as good as yours. As much as I feel sorry for you, I do not really have a lot of information to work with. My gut tells me there is something that you are not telling me. Why did your friend’s husband term your friendship notorious?
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Your husband also agreed with this statement. Why? How did he come to that conclusion? It is not making sense at all. I suggest you get all your facts straight. Introspect and be honest with yourself. What has transpired through the years? Afterwards, engage a counsellor. It seems there are many suppressed issues to be unpacked here. I wish you all the best.
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Fiancé duped me
How are you, Amai? I am a 26-year-old single woman and I have been dating a guy aged 25 for the past two years. We had planned that our lobola date would be May 1, 2024. We have already done introductions with both sides of the family, as per our custom.
We are both gainfully employed. According to our plan, I will take care of the catering and buying material for the female roora squad. I had set aside US$1 700 and gave him the money for safekeeping.
I recently asked him how much he had saved for our big day. His response left me crestfallen. He has US$500 only. I am heartbroken.
He made me believe he had been saving for some time, only to disclose he just has US$500. I asked him to give me back the money I gave him and to show me the US$500.
This did not go down well with him; he blew his top and accused me of not trusting him. He says I should have taken his word for it if I wanted him to be my future husband. He refused to show me the money. Amai, do you think he still has anything? Was I wrong?
Response
I am fine and how are you? I do not think you were wrong about asking, even though he took it the wrong way. I am puzzled as to why he is keeping the money on your behalf.
You are a major and not yet married, so a combined budget is not mandatory. It is also not advisable to keep large amounts of money in the house. You should take your money to the bank for safekeeping. Let the dust settle and then talk. May 1 is fast approaching.
In my view, your boyfriend is defensive because he does not have the money in his possession anymore. It is also possible he has not saved enough. Have a candid talk and make sure you see the money, otherwise it will be a great embarrassment. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474
