The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba
I don’t want to be treated as a ‘small house’
Mai Chisamba I hope I find you well. I follow and enjoy your column. I met my man eight years ago akati he was working towards divorcing his wife, akandida ndikamudawo netarisiro yekuti vanenge vapedzerana nemudzimai wake. I told my mum and my friend about this and they both said no to this arrangement. To cut a long story short I ended up with a son, believe it or not up to this day he is still married to his wife. I am now like a black sheep in my family, vese vanoti ndiri nzenza kubvuma kuitwa small house mukore uno, handichadaidzwa kumafamily functions, nobody cares about my son. This guy has become so arrogant and strict, ndakunge muranda. Ndikabvunza nezvemukadzi wake anondipengera zvekuti. Mai Chisamba zvese anondiitira kubva kurent, mota, food you name it asi ndiri mujeri. Ndibatsirewo, I miss my family, my friends and most of all I miss my freedom.
Thank you so much for writing in. I am very well thank you. Had I seen you eight years ago I could have said NO! just like your mother and friend said. Freedom is life, that’s why it is better than riches. To be called a small house hazviite, that’s an insult nekuti nyangwe ukanatsa sei haizombofa yakakura. Hauna kudzamisa pfungwa zvawakasangana nemurume uyu, wakaisa gejo pamberi pemombe it should be the other way round. Muongororo netsvakiridzo varume vanoda kuita musikanzwa vanoraura vanasikana nekuti ndiri kurambana nemukadzi wangu. It’s an old trick, iwe wakasara uri papi? Hapana asingade kuroorerwa, you should have thought twice when your mother said no. It’s common knowledge that when people divorce there is a document to prove that muchato wagurwa. You should have waited for that, patience is a virtue. Vakuru vane tsumo inoti mandikurumidza akazvara mandinonokera. Kana wapunzika unosimuka haurambe wakarara. Leave this man alone you deserve better, for goodness’ sake, move on don’t be enslaved for nothing. He will never respect you nekuti wakamuda aine mukadzi wake anotofunga kuti ndizvo zvauri. Enda kumadzitete vanokumbira ruregerero kumhuri yekwako usunungurwe. Udza chikomba ichi kuti hauchadi, kana ari munhu wemhirizhonga shandisa mutemo uwane protection order. Mwana wake anomuriritira zviri pamutemo ikodzero. It’s one life, you need your family, friends and most of all your freedom. Wofirawo here kudhiraivha kamota nekutengerwa kachimodho? Wake up and smell the coffee.
* * *
Mai Chisamba how are you? Thank you so much for your column ini iri kundibatsira. Nyaya yangu idiki but inoda kugadzirwa isati yaenderera. Please help, I don’t know whether I am overreacting or not. Mai vangu vakauya kumba kwangu, in most cases amai vemudzimai vanobva vauyawo. Pakutanga ndaifunga kuti kungosangana asi aiwa zvine pattern. I cannot say they are close or not but each of them anoda kuratidza kuti ndiri pamwana wangu. Ini nemudzimai we really can’t talk about this but we both feel the tension. My wife is very level-headed and I don’t want to think she plays a part in this nonsense.
To say the least vana mbuya ava vanenge vana vadiki, vanonetsa kana vari pamwe chete. Uyu akaendeswa kwachiremba uyu anodawo. Mumwe akati ndiperekedzei kunoona hama mumwe anoda kuitirwa zvimwe chete. Ini zvekutaura taura handidi but izvi zvakundibhowa it’s now getting onto my nerves. Handizive pada pane weukama anokwenyera kuti masarira imwe mbuya iriko. I don’t mind them coming but I can’t stand this childish competition. Please help.
Thank you for reading our column, ndinofara hangu kana wakadiiwo mukwasha. Why are you not discussing this with your wife? Communication plays a major part in every healthy marriage. Gara pasi nemudzimai wako moronga kuti kana vana mbuya vachiuya vasauye nguva imwe chete unless it’s very necessary. Wiriranai maudziro amunoda kuvaita, ndimi munonyatsovaziva. Make sure hapazobuda vana ndakadzingwa kana ndakatukwa. If you can’t handle it regai vana mbuya vakadzi vehanzvadzi dzavo vataure navo nekuti vagara vari vanhu vavanonemerana navo. Imiwo zvikuru sei iwe wanyora tsamba nzwisisa kuti mukuchembera vamwe vanoita sevanodzoka pahupwere zvakare, saka kutoita moyo murefu pamunenge muchivapa dzidziso. Vana mbuya vanofanira kuziva kuti kunyangwe varivo vakabara munhu kana ave nemusha wake haangonzi ndiri pamwana wangu kana kuti ndezvemwana wangu kwete kana mwana ave muwanano masamba achinja. Take it easy it’s not a big deal, it can be sorted amicably. Well done for referring to your wife as a level headed person that’s a very unique comment especially when it comes from spouse. Keep the fire burning and enjoy your marriage.