The Sunday Mail
MARRIAGE can be linked to a physical house.
Houses in the physical don’t just happen, they are consciously built. It takes conscious effort and input to make it happen. In the same manner, and even much more, a good marriage doesn’t just happen, it is consciously made to happen.If couples are not experiencing fulfilment in marriage, it is not because God did not create it to be fulfilling, but because they have left God out of it.
Hebrews 3:4 says, “For every house is built by some man but he who buildeth all things is God.”
Since God is the builder of marriage, He has created all that it would take to make it work. Man on his own part needs to abide by God’s principle and implement His plan.
God said, “Husbands, love your wives . . . Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband.”
Men ought to know that submission by women is not to be forced. A woman who is loved will willingly and easily submit to her husband. The same way, if a woman submits to her husband, it will be easy for the husband to shower her with love.
Man or woman alike who will go by God’s plan will experience God’s desired result, and their marriage will be sweet and fulfilling. Since marriage was instituted by God Himself, anyone who wants success in marriage should make God the centre of such a relationship.
God is the only sure foundation for success in marriage. Disobedience to the terms of the marriage covenant as stated in God’s word is usually the cause of many marital sorrows, problems, frustrations and eventual divorces.
The process of building a great home will require the counting of cost. There is a cost for peace, a cost for love, a cost for submission and a cost for fulfilment.
Before you quarrel with your spouse over any issue, count the cost of your actions and reactions. Many times individuals are angry, they say things they later come to regret. But if you learn to count the cost of the words you speak and your actions such as unfaithfulness, peace will rest in your home.
God has made provisions for every marriage to be enjoyable but couples have a responsibility to develop that plan. It is like the negative film of a picture. The photographer must spend time in the darkroom, developing the negative to come up with a beautiful picture.
A negative must be developed to bring out a beautiful picture, surely we can work at the negatives in our spouses’ lives and bring out the best out of them. So be diligent and get down to work. God, through His word has provided the wisdom to build the marriage with. Stop shifting blame and accept that you are the builder of your marriage, basing on the Word of God.
Proverbs 15:33 says, “ . . . A word spoken in due season, how good is it!”
Words are fragile and delicate. They are like eggs. Once broken, they can’t be gathered back. Thus you must know your spouse so well that you know when to say what and how. Even when you are so overwhelmed by an issue, you can compose yourself to wait for an appropriate time to speak.
Important issues should be wisely discussed.
There is need to speak when there is enough time to dig deep into matters. Wait until there is enough time before raising certain issues.
Communication is also being attentive.
Talkative spouses fall short in this area, because they talk too much, not giving room to others to say anything. Attentiveness enables one to be able to make sound decisions and pass good judgements on various issues.
One major benefit of effective communication is intimacy. When it is not there, there is no togetherness, so a gap is created and the enemy is given the opportunity to come in. Communication cements the relationship of a couple.
Corrupt communication is the opposite of edifying communication. Any communication that tears down and rips apart the couple is corrupt.
The Lord intends that there be intimacy between the husband and wife so the physical, emotional and total needs of both can be met in that relationship.
This kind of intimacy takes work. It takes commitment. Intimacy is the willingness to be open and transparent with your mate. It is sharing of thoughts, dreams, desires and feelings in a free and flowing relationship.
Nothing is hidden or restrained in a truly intimate relationship.
There is no shame, fear or embarrassment in this level of love. To develop intimacy at all levels in every phase of a relationship takes time. Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately, rather, continue to believe for God’s best.
Marriage needs devotion and without it, it will not work. Many people fall short in their devotion to something by being too quick to compromise. They begin to doubt the course they are on, thinking it will not work for some reason.
This leads to changing what has been proven to work and replacing it with some other course of action that makes more sense at that time. Therefore, we must continue to focus and maintain our dedication, for this is the only road to great achievements.
Developing a devoted heart in your marriage is not easy and there will be many times of doubt. But it’s worthy of your time and energy.
Many partners lack follow-through when it’s needed the most. Single-minded devotion is a rare thing these days. You can say you are committed to something or someone all you want, but in the end your behaviour betrays you if you don’t maintain your focus.
Telling your spouse all your good intentions and not following through produces more frustration than if you had not said anything at all. Weak devotion is simply a half-hearted effort. Anything worth having requires a price of admission.
If you don’t know what the price is to have a devoted heart in your marriage, take time to consider what would have to change in you to be this way. However for fellowship with God in prayers to be effective, the home must be in shape.
“Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge . . . as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered,” 1 Peter3:7.
Your home must be a peaceful one for your prayers not to be hindered. Fighting in the home hinders prayers. So unless you are living peaceably with your spouse you can pray all you can, fast all you can but God does not answer such prayers.
As such, the importance of marriage to the church cannot be over-emphasised. Let us therefore join hands together to build the church of Christ by building our homes.
Enjoy your marriage.
Apostle Kanyati is the founder Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Ministries. Email feedback to [email protected] or WhatsApp 0772 987 844.
