The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I don’t want to accept polygamy
DEAR amai, I hope I find you well. I have written in because I am faced with a terrible problem. My husband moved out a year ago and he has been staying with another woman.
Now he says he wants me to accept her as his wife and he will look after the both of us. He is so insensitive, we have two children together and quite frankly the love has faded. How can I resolve this situation? I personally am not interested in this arrangement or his desire to become a polygamist.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. I have so many questions about how you got here. Were you separated and living apart? Had there been signs of another woman being in the picture and what misled him to think ungazobvuma barika? I am equally troubled because there are two kids involved and this guy thinks he can just do as he pleases.
You can take him to court for adultery. He is certainly breaking the law. You must also make sure he pays child support for the kids. Realistically speaking because of your stance towards him your marriage is over.
Apart from ending it with him legally you must begin the process of healing emotionally. For this, I recommend a counsellor. I am really sorry for what has befallen you and your young family. I hope your friends and family will be supportive of you during this incredibly difficult time. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Married to a liar
Amai, I am not enjoying my marriage. My wife is a liar. She lies about anything and everything and I have tried to get her to stop. I actually think it is in her blood. I am actually considering calling it quits. Please advise me on how best to go about this.
Response
You seem to be really enraged. Over what? Even I am not sure. Your letter is very short and ambiguous. I do not like to work on assumptions but in this case, I am assuming she told a big lie that had ripple effects.
You need to take it back to when you first met her. Was she always like this? If so why did you let her get away with murder? In marriage you have to pick your battles carefully and lying is really a bad characteristic. The next logical step would be to try and get help from someone she respects.
Perhaps a tete, her parents, siblings or pastor. You mean well and you want the best for her. It is a problem that needs to be addressed. Do not be quick to call it quits. Try and see how best it may be rectified. Be patient and see if it yields results. I wish you well.
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Baby mama keeping child from me
Dear amai Chisamba, I hope my letter finds you well. I am a 36-year-old man. I am married and we have three children. In 2014 I stepped out of my marriage and I had a child with another woman. She ended up taking me to court where I was ordered to pay maintenance for this child.
I had been reluctant to do so at first but now it is automatic and just deducted from my salary at work. My point of concern is that I am not permitted to see this child. It has been three years now.
She ignores my pleas to see our child via text and phone. I was recently blocked on her WhatsApp. I do not know what to think or do please assist.
Response
Thank you so much for your letter. I am very well thank you for asking.
Honestly speaking it is very unfortunate when a married man cheats on his spouse and ends up having a child out of wedlock. It is not fair to purposely bring a child into the world when you know there may be problems lying in wait.
It is also unreasonable to restrain a parent from seeing their child. The writing is on the wall. It is clear this woman wants nothing to do with you. In a way, I think she is right because you need to focus on your own family.
I do not get the struggling to see your child bit when the court legally sorted that out. I urge you to go back to court and get it resolved if you are not happy with what is going on. You cannot be paying maintenance for a child that you are not allowed to see.
It defeats all logic. I know you did not justify her actions but I need to ask why she is acting this way.
Did you agitate her recently? Are you also sure that you are the legitimate father of this child? It would be wise to go for DNA tests and establish the true paternity of the child. It will also help reaffirm your desire to spend more time with the child. I would be happy to hear from you.
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