The Sunday Mail
Kingsley Kaisi : Lupane State University
Almost 11 years ago, during my time in primary school I encountered a few moments where I was bullied. I remember vividly the voice of one such bully who used to laugh at my chubbiness saying words like ‘You deserve to sit on two chairs’ ‘The tuckshop would be a better place if you were not there’ and ‘Girls do not like fat guys like you’.
As heartless as that sounded I never used to retaliate or answer back for fear that he might get angry and beat me in front of his friends. And so each time I would always remain silent and cry silently in class each time he taunted me. Though this went on for some time I later realised after the bully finished school that he wasn’t as big, bad and hard-core as I thought him to be. Infact, this so-called bully was afraid of his own mother (so I was told), he slept with the light on since he was scared of the dark and he kept a Mickey Mouse doll in his dormitory room in remembrance of his childhood.
Such are the bullies in our lives. They seem dangerous and big in front of us but get to analyse them and you will soon realise how small they are.
How about the bully in your head?
Our mind is a very strong tool that can impact our lives in a big way. It has the ability to create a new idea, to make us stand up to fear, to ignite our inner motivation, to be eager to read, to be hardworking in our jobs and to change our mood from negative to massively positive.
It is somehow unfortunate that at times, the bully in our head can take control and make us unable to fight battles in our life or face our challenges positively because it weakens our perception, attitude and behaviour.
At times, we may have examinations in the coming weeks to come but because we have not paid our fees or we have not started reading, the bully in our head tells us we will not pass so why bother; but is that true? At times, we may want to start a business or a new initiative or write a book but because we feel as though we lack the vital skills, the bully in our head tells us how much we are going to fail; how far true is that? Also, at times, we may be about to engage in a race, a game or match but because we are feeling nervous and mentally weak, the bully in our head tells us we are not ready and we are going to fail dismally, but should we listen?
Cynthia, a friend of mine, had always wanted to own her own lemonade and sandwich shop. Ever since I knew her, she would tell me her ideas and visions for the future. She would sell her own home made lemonade at her house so that she can raise money to jump start her business. As time went by, corporations and interested investors began seeing her ambition and were willing to help her in fulfilling that dream. It seems she was going to become an instant hit in Zimbabwe. However, my biggest shock came when after two months had passed, Cynthia’s dream had gone down the drain. It seems she no longer wanted to pursue it anymore. After asking her so many times, Cynthia finally responded by saying ‘Listen, Kingsley, I am fed up and I cannot do it anymore’, ‘My mind is telling me it is not going to work and I have decided to do something else’.
I was amazed! A success story turned into a pipe-dream at its early stages. But why?
Maybe you have been battling to find your footing in life and establish yourself, however, because of the constant bullies in your head you have failed at almost anything you have tried, not because you cannot succeed but because the voices of the bully are too loud to bear. My friend, you are not alone for we all have to battle these bullies every day of our lives.
Whether it is waking up in the morning especially when it is cold, giving yourself time to read for an exam, or taking that first leap of faith in something you once feared.
At times in life if we want to reach our goals and accomplish everything we want, we need to resist the bully in our head. Yes, maybe the thoughts of worry, distress and failure may take control, it is in our very self to find our wings and start flying. Through the constant belief that we can make it one day, we are better able to stand up to the bully and win.
Here is a story of a baby eagle. When an eagle wants to teach its little ones to fly, it throws one of the little eaglets out of the nest. It is therefore up to the little eaglet to either say its prayers and die or try to fly in the process. The eagle knows when the eaglet is tired; it spoons the eaglet into the nest, noses out the next one and starts off again. My point here is that, at times when we are falling from the nest and we have not been able to fly, we may quickly give up, let fear take control and fail to realise that we have wings that can make us fly high in the air.
The bully in our head is only good at telling us how bad the situation is and how much we will may fail but not how strong we are in overcoming it.
You are stronger than you think and greater than you can imagine. Stop having false thoughts about your future on whether you will succeed or not because the fact is you will. Be in love with your passion and do not stop pushing forward no matter what. Never listen to negative people or those who criticise because you will win in the end. Put 110% in anything you do, whether small or very small. Let that sweat take root and let it be your constant motivation.
No-one really cares about what you did, how hard you worked or the amount of sweat and sacrifice you put into achieving something or even the number of days you spent trying to do your best even though it was extremely difficult. As long as you come number one, all eyes, cheering and congratulation will be on you. It is up to you to continue working hard to be on top and reject and refuse the mental bully in your head that follows because after the race of your life, no-one cares about who came second.
Bullies will always be there. Worry, fear and distress will always be there too. What it takes is not to listen to the negative voices but seek within yourself to find that inner most strength that is able to keep you going in the face of adversity because losing hope is not an option. The late Muhammad Ali once said ‘I maybe small and my opponent may be big and bad, but let everyone know that he is a bully and when I face a bully I want to make sure I show him how Great I am!’.
So like an old saying ‘Pursue whatever dream or goal you have until it begs for mercy’ because life is not difficult as it looks. Start now! Believe in Yourself!
Kingsley Kaisi is a Youth Motivational Speaker, Volunteer and Aspiring Development Practitioner.
He is currently studying Development Studies at Lupane State University.
For feedback E-mail him on: [email protected]
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