The Sunday Mail
Apostle Kanyati
Marriage can be likened to a physical house. Houses in the physical don’t just happen, they are consciously built. You do not just wake up one day and see a fully, completely built house somewhere. It takes conscious effort and input to make it happen. In the same manner, and even much more, a good marriage doesn’t just happen, it is consciously made to happen.
If couples are not experiencing fulfilment in marriage, it is not because God did not create it to be fulfilling, but because they have left God out of it. Hebrews 3:4 says: “For every house is built by some man but he who buildeth all things is God”.
Since God is the builder of marriage, He has created all that it would take to make it work. Man on his own part needs to abide by God’s principles and implement His plan. God said: “Husbands, love your wives . . . Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband”.
Men ought to know that submission by women is not to be forced. A woman who is loved will willingly and easily submit to her husband.
The same way, if a woman submits to her husband it will be easy for the husband to shower her with love. Men and women alike who will go by God’s plan will experience God’s desired result; and their marriage will be sweet and fulfilling.
Since marriage was instituted by God Himself, anyone who wants success in marriage should make God the centre of such a relationship. God is the only sure foundation for success in marriage. Disobedience to the terms of the marriage covenant as stated in God’s Word is usually the cause of many marital sorrows, problems, frustrations and eventual divorces.
The process of building a great home will require the counting of cost. There is a cost for peace, a cost for love, a cost for submission and a cost for fulfilment. Before you quarrel with your spouse over any issue, count the cost of your actions and reactions. Many times individuals are angry, they say things they later come to regret. But if you learn to count the cost of the words you speak and your actions such as cheating or unfaithfulness, peace will rest in your home.
God has made provisions for every marriage to be enjoyable but couples have a responsibility to develop that plan. It is like the negative film of a picture. The photographer must spend time in the darkroom developing the negative and come out with a beautiful picture. A negative must be developed to bring out a beautiful picture, surely we can work at the negatives in our spouses’ lives and bring out the best out of them. So be diligent and get down to work. God, through His word has provided the wisdom to build with. So stop shifting blame and accept that you are the builder of your marriage basing on the Word of God.
Proverbs 15:33 says: “ . . . A word spoken in due season, how good is it!” Words are fragile and delicate. They are like eggs. Once broken, they can’t be gathered back again. Thus you must know your spouse so well that you know when to say what and how. Even when you are so overwhelmed by an issue, you can compose yourself to wait for an appropriate time to speak.
Important issues should be wisely discussed. This implies that there is need to speak when there is enough time to dig deep into matters. So wait until there is enough time before raising certain issues.
Communication is also being attentive. Talkative spouses fall short in this area, because they talk too much not giving room to others to say anything. Attentiveness enables one to be able to make sound decisions and pass good judgements on various issues.
One major benefit of effective communication is intimacy. When it is not there, there is no togetherness, no intimacy; so a gap is created and the enemy is given the opportunity to come in. Communication cements the relationship of a couple. Corrupt communication is the opposite of edifying communication. Any communication that rips a couple apart is corrupt.
However, for fellowship with God in prayers to be effective, the home must be in shape: “Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge . . . as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter3:7
Your home must be a peaceful one, for your prayers not to be hindered. Fighting in the home hinders prayers. So unless you are living peaceably with your spouse you can pray all you can, fast all you can but God does not answer such prayers.
The importance of marriage to the church cannot be over-emphasised. Let us therefore join hands together to build the church of Christ by building our homes.
Apostle Langton Charles Kanyati, Founder and President, Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Ministries, E-mail: [email protected]
