The Sunday Mail
I am a man aged 40 dating a 28-year-old girl and both of us have no kids. During the course of our relationship something bad happened to my girlfriend but I did not tell a soul. I cannot share this with the family because they may get the wrong idea.
It was a day in September, my wife to be’s babamukuru, who is married with two kids, thought she was an easy target and forced himself onto her. When the culprit did this atrocious act, I was already in the picture. I can confirm that he was reported to the police and appeared before the magistrate.
He is out on bail, though, but is expected to stand a second trial. Since then there has been bad blood between us, I cannot forgive him, I hope he is given a lengthy prison sentence. Mazvokuda mavanga enyora but I am still confused why babamukurus behave the way they behave.
I resorted to keeping the rape case to myself but naturally my self esteem has dropped. I try to be strong and think I will make it to marriage but not until the rapist babamukuru is brought to book. Stress is eating me from inside. Moreover, I stress myself every time and living with a secret does not make my situation any better.
I deliver pizza orders around the city and recently was a victim of two road traffic accidents within seventeen days due to panic attacks, much to the surprise of my co-drivers. I am emotionally scarred and do not know how to deal with this pain. I want to be alone for a while.
I am desperate and downhearted. I love my girlfriend whole heartedly, though. I still look forward to a lifelong relationship but I have lost confidence. I feel discouraged, defeated but not denied. I have been crying day and night regretting because the good has been taken away from me.
All my plans for the future have been shaken. All my hard work has been for nothing all because babamukuru took my girlfriend for granted. Up to this day I keep asking myself, why her? We were supposed to have been married by now. Mai Chisamba, what can I do to reverse my emotional situation? Thank you for your help, I appreciate it.
Response
Thank you for sharing your secret with this platform. I am truly humbled. I am really sorry about what happened to you and to your would-be wife. The good thing is that babamukuru’s case was reported and all we can do now is to wait for the law to take its course.
To many people out there this is something to learn from, that when such a thing happens it should be reported to the law enforcement people despite whatever others may think or feel. The first thing I want you to understand is your girlfriend was raped, kubhinywa chaiko.
This was beyond her control, we thank God that in the process she was not maimed or killed. Standing by her side in this most trying time is the best a person who truly loves her can do. Sharing the problem is a sign of caring too. If you love your girlfriend please do not put conditions for you to marry her, regardless of how this case plays out in court, the length of the sentence included, go ahead and marry her. I am sorry about the accidents you have gone through because of this.
If it is possible why do you not take some time off and be away from the road to avoid further accidents. Babamukuru behaved like a rascal, why did he impose himself on mainini when he has his wife? I think at this juncture we will let the law decide his fate. Yours sounds like pure and true love for your girlfriend, please keep it that way.
I suggest you engage a professional counsellor who will work with both of you before you tie the knot. The main thing will be to deal with your self esteem, emotions, sadness, discouragement, stress and many other things. There is need to rebuild your love and walk away from the pain. Follow your heart, do not listen to too many people.
Hold her hand and put your heads up and pull through this rough patch together. Remember we serve a mighty God who will restore your confidence and whatever you feel has been taken away from you. To others out there rape victims must report rape to the police and seek urgent medical treatment within 72 hours of the incident.
I hope she was given medical treatment within this time frame. If she was not, get your girlfriend tested because we cannot trust the rapist. Pray sincerely for divine intervention. Go ahead and marry your sweetheart, she needs you more than ever before.
True love will remain standing after the storm is over. Do not lose focus, continue to protect and love her. I wish you all the best.
