The Sunday Mail
Many individuals wonder if it is possible to have a loving and lasting marriage.
Having seen many marriages crumbling, people wonder if there is anything called a happy marriage. To many, it is the same, a trial and error. It is a basic fact that for anyone to enjoy a happy marriage, it takes work on their part. Happy marriages do not just happen, it takes effort.
For any relationship or marriage to succeed, teamwork is required. Self-sacrifice must replace selfishness! Sometimes one person in a marriage can do this well, but eventually patience runs out. As such, it requires the commitment of both parties.
Self-sacrifice is not natural, selfishness is. Why is this so?
If we lived in a world where people were perfect, then their marriages would hum along in total harmony in the way that God wanted marriage to work in the first place. But we don’t live in a perfect world. Honestly, all of us are affected by our tendency towards selfishness and “sin.” What is sin?
We often choose to do the wrong things, not the right things. We can be selfish, mean, hurtful, bitter, arrogant, unwilling to forgive, and so on. It’s no wonder husbands and wives struggle to get along.
The I-want-my-needs-met attitude breaks down the necessary spirit of cooperation in relationships. The negative cycle begins and continues until intimacy is lost and the marriage starts to crumble.
Let’s face it, we all need help – some inner strength that enables us to love one another if the marriage is to survive. The selfish, sinful behaviour not only separates husband and wife, it also separates them from God — the greatest source of help.
As the Originator and Designer of marriage, He knows how relationships work. He wants us to first have a relationship with Him, and then look up to Him for direction. Not only does God help us with the challenges that we face daily, He also offers healing for wounds of the past.
For instance, He provides complete forgiveness and cleansing from wrong choices we may have made as teenagers. God loves and wants us to enjoy the benefits of being His children, which include His help in our marriages.
God’s involvement in any marriage will make a difference. The Christian faith is not simply a collection of principles and rules – it’s a living, moment-to-moment interaction with God through which we receive guidance and power to live life the way it was designed to be lived.
There is no need for
your marriage to fail
God is clear in the Bible about divorce and the need to humbly consider the other person’s needs above our own, about being truthful with each other, about avoiding sexual immorality, and much more. His guidance is different from what we would feel like doing (for example, telling your spouse the truth at a time when lying would appear very useful).
For example, God still says that marriage needs to come before sexual intimacy. Yet in many cultures people think that living together as a couple before getting married is a good idea. Many of these have watched their parents’ marriages and those they look up to falling apart and think that “trying out” the relationship before getting married seems like a good idea.
So why does God put marriage before sexual involvement? Because He wants us to experience fulfilling intimacy! How can two people feel secure to be totally vulnerable — a requirement for deep intimacy — in an environment where either person can bail out at any time?
Research shows that the divorce rate is actually higher among those who live together before marriage. God’s wisdom is unerring, it’s always right. God’s directions come from His caring, protective love for us.
God can guide you
to a better marriage
God does not merely want to be a marriage counsellor, dispensing advice into our lives. He wants us to know Him, to be in relationship with Him, and to trust Him. In order to faithfully love someone, He says we first need to experience His unconditional and faithful love for us.
Prompted by His unending love, God did something remarkable. We’ve talked about how our selfishness separates us from one another, and it especially separates us from God who is holy and perfect.
The Bible says “your sin has made a separation between you and your God.” No amount of good deeds or effort on our part can erase our sin before God’s eyes. Worse, there is a penalty for our sin . . . death.
It means eternal separation from God, even after our earthly life. And there is nothing we can do to fix it. His standards require perfection, and we don’t measure up. However, God’s justice is accompanied by His tremendous love for us – demonstrated by the solution He provided.
Jesus Christ, who is God in human form, came to pay the penalty of death for our sins. Jesus also came to teach us God’s ways and to give us a meaningful life. But primarily, He said His purpose for coming as a man was to die in our place. He fully paid for all of our sins – my sins, yours, the whole world’s – when hanging on the cross, so we may be forgiven.
After being buried for three days, Jesus physically came back to life. Many eyewitnesses went on to tell the world about Him and the life God offers us. It is His desire also that you experience a better marriage.
Enjoy your marriage.
Apostle Langton Charles Kanyati is the President and Founder of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited interdenominational. Feedback to [email protected] or Whatsapp : 0772 987 844
