The Sunday Mail
Maggie Mzumara
To be competent or to be liked? That is a question many leading women face and are unable to answer satisfactorily; and so battle with in their leadership journeys.
The struggle for progressive upwardly mobile women is not just getting to and smashing the glass ceiling.
For those that actually do make it beyond the glass ceiling, challenges continue to abound.
Unlike their male counterparts, women in leadership often find that competence and likeability, or respect and likeability do not necessarily co-exist.
The more a woman is competent in her leadership in a direct, tough, strong and no-nonsense manner — the same traits that make her male counterparts thrive in leadership roles — the less she is liked.
People generally take a liking to women who are soft, fuzzy and warm — care taking and nurturing roles which are stereotypically seen as feminine.
However, the dilemma here is that while this stereotypical feminine behaviour may make women liked, the same do not make them respected as competent leaders.
Those very qualities are discounted and ‘disqualified’ as leadership material.
On the other hand, if women adopt the strong, direct and authoritative stance in their leadership, which is stereotypically seen as more male in its delivery, while they will get disliked for it, those traits do earn them the respect of being more leader-like in their approach.
This is what is known as the double-bind and many women in leadership encounter this and struggle with it.
Cultural and social subtext
What this says is that the cultural and social subtext that assumes and ascribes that women ought to be soft and more care taking and nurturing is not consistent with what is expected or pre-supposed for effective leadership.
Cultural and organisational assumptions on what it takes to be a successful leader run counter to the stereotypes that are held about women.
When most people think leadership, they think male. They think men. Yes, still, even in this 21st century.
Many people still do associate leadership with those traits that are predominantly thought of as masculine — direct, strong, authoritative and firm, among others.
And the more a woman will exhibit these leadership qualities — which, by the way, are often needed get the job done — the more she is considered out of sync with her gender; out of sync with ‘culture’; out of sync with convention and tradition; and the more she is disliked for it.
Unfortunately most people do act on and rely on stereotypes — consciously and subconsciously.
Most people are quite offended and unimpressed when individuals go against what they consider as the grain for everybody.
Worse if these individuals are women, whom most people “believe” belong forever at the very bottom of the totem pole.
Vilification for women, admiration for men
But the bind does not end there. That is not even the half of it.
The same traits a woman leader may be vilified for in corridor talk and at the water coolers by subordinates and even some peers, those same characteristics their male counterparts are admired for and cheered on as a result of. They are even liked for them.
And it gets worse. Many female leaders worry about whether or not they are being tough enough and or if in fact they are being too soft alongside male peers.
But if a woman tries to enact those traits male counterparts are admired for, this may result in her not being authentic in her style of leadership. This lack of authenticity also affects the effectiveness of her leadership. And people pick up on it.
Research has found that most people do not like leaders who are not authentic.
Instead they like and trust those that are authentic and natural in their style and delivery.
Approval withheld and denied
Yet for those women who are naturally strong and tough and do not have to “fake” or enact it, you hear people saying with much disapproval, “Uyo murume pachake.”
She is such a man, they say, and what is left unsaid but can be read between the lines is that, “and we do not like it. We certainly do not approve”.
But they will acknowledge, respect and revere such leadership traits as leaderly.
What results because of the double-bind is a tightrope that women in leadership have to walk in order to balance competence and respect for it, on the one hand, and being liked and trusted on the other.
Getting and maintaining the balance is quite elusive for quite many leading women. And while women leaders juggle this trade-off between competence and likeability, male counterparts do not have to deal with such an inconvenience and distraction. Talk about a ground not level!
What organisations can do to assist
According to one Gwen Moran, a corporate writer, organisations can do the following in supporting women in leadership navigate the double-bind and other challenges:
- Prioritise women’s rise (along priorities the organisation has)
- Develop organisational culture where women leaders are valued
- Conduct unconscious bias training
- Encourage women to speak truth to power
- Involve men in the agenda of advancing women. Their buy-in is key.
What women leaders themselves can do
Women can overcome challenges of being considered too strong and direct by being authentic and building connections with the people around them.
Even if it means winning over few individuals at a time.
Professor Robin Ely from Harvard Business School says while the double-bind is real and structural, and attitudinal barriers do exist that make it difficult for women, they (women leaders) should however try and be concerned less with such image management but be more concerned with delivering on their collective goals as leaders.
“At the end of the day women’s competence (should be) measured by how much they get done,” she says.
Maggie Mzumara is a media, communication and leadership consultant. She is a strong advocate for women’s leadership and is founder of Success in Stilettos (SiS) Seminar Series — a leadership development platform for women. She can be reached at [email protected] Twitter: @magsmzumara
