When is the right time to get married?

I am dating a cheapskate

I am a 19-year-old female and I am dating a 21-year-old guy. I just finished my Advanced Level and I am waiting to go to university. My boyfriend is already in university. We get along great and I love him.

He is different from all the other guys I have dated. I am concerned, however, by his lack of spending on me. He has never even bought me airtime. He did not get me anything for my birthday or anything for us to celebrate our first anniversary of dating.

This has me wondering if he takes our relationship seriously or not. The fact that he is in Harare and I am in Mutare does not make it any easier. I have never cheated on him but I fear he may be cheating. Any ideas on how I can tackle this?

Response

It is always interesting to deal with relationship issues of young adults. Emotions are always flying high. The truth is your boyfriend is just a student. Taking into context the harsh economic environment and the travel ban, it is very hard for him to come and see you. You are living in a world where grown men take advantage of young women by offering them material possessions.

Do not be lured into this world or culture of expectancy. You love each other and that is a great start. Tell him how you feel and how you want him to show more effort.

As for the cheating assumptions, air these out too and have a heart-to-heart. Long-distance relationships are hard and you need to fully trust your partner if things are going to work out. For now, talk to your boyfriend and try not to equate love with material possessions. In time, he will spoil you when he can. For now, it just does not seem practical. I wish you well.

I am treated like a second-class citizen

Greetings Amai. I am a married woman with two kids. I feel like I am being treated unfairly in my marriage. My husband is employed and I am a housewife. I look after the kids. We do income-generating projects like poultry on the side.

He does as he pleases when it comes to finances. We are building a house and I am never in the loop. I get to hear about what he is doing business-wise from other people. Is this fair? How can I tackle this issue before it becomes a crisis? I have spoken to his relatives about this but nothing has changed.

Response

Hello and thanks for writing in. I hope aside from this everything else in your marriage is functional. What you have here is a communication problem. You are not communicating openly in your relationship.

You must speak to your husband and point out these concerns. I think it is great that you tried to get the family to resolve this even though it did not bear any fruit. I recommend counselling. The fact that you are a housewife does not give your husband the right to leave you out in the cold on decision-making.

Marriage is a partnership and your husband is acting like he is married to himself. If, for instance, these projects go wrong, he will have no one to blame but himself. I hope this has not been going on for too long. It should be resolved immediately so you can focus on your marriage. I wish you all the best.

When is the right time to get married?

I am a 20-year-old and I come from a poor background. I stay at the Tongogara Refugee Camp and I am pursuing my education with a passion. I want to apply for a scholarship to study abroad.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is pressuring me to get married to him by 2022.

I do not understand what the rush is. He even says he will allow me to go study even when we are married. I do not want to spoil my plans for the future. How do you think I should handle this situation without hurting his feelings?

Response

There is no right time to get married. Each situation is unique. I think it is good you are not letting your circumstances stop you.

Your boyfriend needs to settle down. There is no timeline on commitment. He also must not use terms like “allow”. No one owns anyone in a marriage; everything is decided by compromise.

Pursue your education; if his love is true, he will wait for you. You are only 20 for crying out loud. I wonder how old he himself is and if he is facing any other external pressures. Be stern but loving when you tell him this. I think he will understand. There is no need to blow things out of proportion. Take care.

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