The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba
Ex refusing to return our son
Dear amai, I hope you are well. I am a young lady and I fell pregnant at a young age. The father of my child did not marry me nor did he pay damages. We are not in good books. As such, my parents want nothing to do with him. Some time back he asked to spend time with our son. This was in July.
I agreed even though I knew my parents would be against it if they found out, but I wanted my son to bond with his father. Long story short: The child is still there and his father wants him to transfer schools and stay with him. I really wanted to make this work but he is pushing me to the edge. Please help!
Response
Hello writer. I am very well and thanks for asking. The truth is this has gotten way out of hand. Your parents know that this guy is trouble and you chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. As the child’s mother and guardian, you are well within your rights to approach the courts and seek redress. Use the full extent of the law to get your son back.
Do not let his school schedule get disrupted by his father.
If he wants a custody arrangement, take him to court. He must also start paying maintenance. He has no right to do as he pleases. It is a shame that this has to happen.
I urge my readers to start families with partners who are in it for the long haul to avoid such messy situations. I will get you in touch with an organisation that deals with similar cases. It shall be well.
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Neighbour is
inconveniencing me
Dear amai, I hope I find you well. I am confused because my neighbour cannot read in between the lines. We are both mothers and in our early forties.
She does not have gardening equipment although she plays big in the neighbourhood. It is such an inconvenience to have to share things like hoes and rakes. At times we don’t even do things according to plan because some of our stuff will be at her house.
I told my husband to ask her spouse why this is so and his response made it worse.
He said he did not want to be dragged into silly issues. Zvanzi pedzai sekutanga kwamakaita.
Please help. I don’t know what to do. I tried to give her the address of where I bought the equipment and she just snubbed me and said she didn’t have a budget for that.
Response
Hello writer. I am very well and thank you for asking. In Shona we say ‘musadye mushonga nekunyara’. It simply means you must call a spade a spade or you will suffer in silence. It is good to loan out stuff to neighbours once in a while. In your case, it seems like it is every day and a real inconvenience.
We are currently in the rainy season and you want to work on your garden regularly. Tell your neighbour your tools are in use. If you do not put an end to it, you will suffer in silence. The truth is, in life we must stand by what we mean.
Even if that means she may take it the wrong way or ignore you, you have got to stand your ground. If she is serious about gardening, she will purchase her own tools. Her husband was unnecessarily rude and left you to deal with it on your own. Now is the time to put this issue to rest. Be bold, do not be afraid of blow back.
At times hard decisions need to be made to end perennial problems. Every principled person will lose friends here and there and that is truly part of life. Enjoy the rains and what they will bring to your table this season.
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Wedding bells are not ringing
I am 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been dating since high school but he does not propose. I am tired of waiting. We visit most of our married friends but that does not ring a bell in his mind. He is a very jealous lover.
I have lost a handful of friends because of his attitude. He does not want me to leave him but my question is for how long am I going to wait? I love him with all my heart but I don’t think this is working. Please help!
Response
Greetings writer. The truth of the matter is you cannot hold a gun to his head and force him to marry you. Visiting your married friends and the likes will not necessarily activate certain signals.
The way he is jealous and pushes your friends away is dangerous, especially if left unchecked.
It is nothing a bit of counselling cannot solve. I will not say give him an ultimatum, but tell him how you feel. I get the sense that he may not want to buy the cow if he is getting the milk for free.
If you are to give him an ultimatum, be prepared for the consequences because in all fairness this may be the end of your relationship.
If you want something more and he is not willing to give it to you, your decision will be easy to make going forward. It is always hard to move on after investing so much time into a relationship.
I hope he steps up or at the very least explains his reasons for what you deem to be stringing you along. I wish you all the best.
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