The Sunday Mail
Hubby thinks he is in a boxing match
I am a 24-year-old woman married to a 26-year-old. My husband is very abusive and he does it in the name of punishing me. He brags about it and says as a man, that is one of his roles. I told him that it is better to give me verbal threats because my body is battered and my spirit is broken. We have two lovely kids — a boy and a girl — aged four and six respectively. Each time he beats me up, the kids hide behind the furniture and cry together with me. If I show any signs of sadness after a beating, I invite his anger again.
I am tired of this type of life. I have no support at all from both our families. They do not see anything wrong about this kind of treatment. The only person who knows that I am suffering is my mother. She is the one who asked me to write to you. Some of the reasons why I get beaten up include cooking low quality meals, answering back when he is angry with me and even receiving too many phone calls. I am actually confused because I do not know when I am right or wrong. He is a very violent and short-tempered man. Last year, I ran away and went back home, but my father sent me back.
My mother pleaded with him but he said uri munhu akaroorwa so go back to your home. I no longer have any feelings for my husband, but people do not understand me. I am only staying put for the sake of my children and I also have nowhere to go. Please help me, I am so desperate.
Thank you so much for your letter, it made my reading very sad. I am very sorry about the way you are living. Your home is not conducive for the upbringing of children. These innocent kids are being put through hell by an irresponsible father. He is abusive and there is never any justification for what he is doing. He has no right to put you through all this. Use the law to protect yourself, report him to the law enforcement agents. Your father is a hard-hearted man, instead of shielding you from this animal, he sent you back to such an abuser.
What you need at the moment is a protection order. Marriage is about true love, respect and commitment. In my view, all these attributes are not present in your marriage. I respect your mother for offering you a shoulder to cry on. You are a major, you have made up your mind. You say you no longer have feelings for your husband, then it means your marriage has lost its salt. Reach out to your father with your mother’s help and have a candid talk with him. There are legal procedures you can take concerning the termination of your marriage. Always strive to do what is best for the welfare of the children. Pray for your family. There is immense power in prayer. I wish you all the best and would be happy to hear from you again.
Sugar daddy is being clingy
I have just finished my Upper Six. I am glad I am through with school. I was a boarder for the past six years. At my former school, the competition among female students was just unbelievable. It was like an unwritten rule that besides your boyfriend of the same age, you needed to have a sugar daddy.
The older guys would be the one who would buy school tuck and other goodies. Most of us did not mind whether this guy was married or not. In my case, I even knew the wife, but it really did not bother me. This guy is almost as old as my dad and I now want to dump him. He says if I want to drop him I must pay back the money he spent on me over the last six years.
I was shocked that he kept receipts and records of whatever he gave or bought me. I used to tell him that I loved him, but I did not mean that at all, I just wanted him to give me more. He is now talking about paying lobola for me before I go to university. I made a terrible mistake, my parents will kill me. Ko ini ndinonyarirepi nezidhara rakadaro nhai?
I am scared that once the wife gets wind of this, I may be in for bigger problems. Please help, how do I come out of this? I am so unhappy. I want to enjoy my Christmas, but with such issues on my mind it’s difficult.
When you said you made a mistake, I thought you had done something unintentionally. You told someone that you loved him for six years and yet you did not mean it at all. That was always going to come back to haunt you. You helped this guy to cheat on his wife.
When you do such things, always be mindful of karma. What goes around comes around. I am even more confused that a grown married man would date a high school girl for six years. You were taken advantage of. You were a minor. Please report him to the police. I always warn people against love triangles because they are so risky in this era of STIs. I can not keep on flogging a dead horse.
I know things are hard economically, but the mindset of letting older men take advantage of you in exchange for gifts and favours will get you nowhere in life. Your parents, whom you are scared of, will get to hear about your story one way or the other. Even this man’s spouse will also get to know about it.
I suggest you talk to tete so that she helps you speak to your parents. It is not going to be easy, but it has to be done. I do not understand why he is demanding the gifts he gave you for six years. This is a desperate attempt to keep you. Your family should take it upon themselves to speak to the police for the sake of your security. You can not marry him against your will, after all he is already married. Facing him in the presence of your family will be very humiliating, but it will help you learn your lesson.
High school is proving to be a nightmare
I am a 17-year-old boarder doing Form 5. My letter is going to be short and to the point. I am very worried about the treatment we are given by guys from certain private schools. They treat us like trash and like backward people. I go to a mission school, but that is not my choice. My parents enrolled me at a school where they can afford the fees.
It is disheartening to move about in town or to certain entertainment places. Tinongotsvinyirwa tsvinyirwa. These guys always steal our dates. I really do not know what we are supposed to do since we do not play any part as far as choosing schools is concerned. In our neighbourhood, the private school guys chill together and I hate them for doing that.
When you impose yourself they start discussing things that you do not do at your schools so that you feel out of place. Please help, this is very annoying.
I do not know why you are worrying yourself about things that do not matter at all. First and foremost, be grateful that you are even going to school. In some impoverished set-ups, children barely get to finish school. Facilities and standards differ from school to school, that is a bitter truth. Success is achieved by working hard and passing your exams.
Do not focus too much on young girls who leave you for others because you go to a mission school. I wish you guys would see that there is no need to segregate each other. You are young and all going through the same journey of discovering who you are. The current generation of parents should shoulder some of the blame. More needs to be done to teach children not to discriminate against people of different backgrounds and social standing. There is always more to a person than what meets the eye. Last but not least, do not be full of self-pity, there are always going to be people who are mean to you or judge you based on things that are out of your control. The good thing is that life is not a popularity contest. Go to where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated. I am sure you will see your circle expand with the right people in it. I would be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.
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