The Sunday Mail
Umari Stambuli Holy Qur’aan Speaks
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Patience at the time of bereavement
THE loss of a loved one is a time when a person may be overwhelmed with grief, and many customs surrounding bereavement reflect the depth of the feeling of loss.
Wailing and eulogising – that is praising the deceased excessively and tearing one’s garments are all customs which were well known during the era prior to the time of Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) – the period of widespread ignorance (Jâhiliyyah), and are still common among some communities.
Such conduct is not permitted in Islam, as the Believer is required to face bereavement, like all the other trials of life, with patience.
It is permitted to cry or weep, softly without wailing, before death, at the time of death, and after the person has died.
When Ruqayyah, the daughter of the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) passed away, the women started to cry, and Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said to them, “You may cry, but avoid the crying of Satan. Whatever comes from the eye and heart is from Allah and is a sign of mercy, and whatever comes from your hand and your tongue is from Satan.”
This literally teaches us that as humans we do have an element of compassion within us and this should come to the fore at the time of a death, however, uncivil behaviour is, in a way, because of the influence of Satan who arouses the emotions wrongly, making the person utter blasphemous words, wailing and so forth.
Eulogising and wailing
Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said, “He is not one of us who strikes himself on the cheeks, tears his garment and behaves like the people of ignorance (when he hears of a death or some loss).”
Eulogising the dead and wailing in grief are forbidden practices in Islam. How could it be otherwise, when they indicate discontent with the decree of one’s Lord and contradict patience? Behaving this way harms oneself too, when one slaps one’s face, pulls out one’s hair, prays for life to come to an end, wastes possessions by tearing one’s clothes, complains of injustice from God and praises the deceased with qualities that he or she did not possess. Any of these would be sufficient grounds for the total prohibition of wailing and eulogising.
Words of acknowledgement
It is permissible to say a few words when crying over a deceased person, so long as these words are true, and are not accompanied by wailing or expression of discontent with the decree of The Almighty.
Such brief words do not contradict patience, and are not forbidden.
It has been reported by Anas, one of the companions of Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) that when the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) became very ill, he started to lose consciousness.
Faatimah, his daughter, said in great anxiety, “How great is the distress of my father!” In calming her emotion and sentiment, Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said, “There will be no more distress for your father after today.”
When his son Ibraheem died, the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said, “We are very sad for your death, O Ibraheem.” This does not indicate discontent with the decree of Allah or complaining against Allah. Such statements are no more than crying or weeping.
Etiquette of condolence
Condolence has been prescribed and encouraged in order to console the dead person’s family, relieve their sorrows and alleviate their distress. The Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) explained that the believer who condoles with his brother on a bereavement will be honoured by Allah Almighty on the Day of Resurrection.
While there is no specific formula for condolence, it must be remembered that one must use the best possible consoling words so as to cushion the situation for the family and friends of the deceased.
Also, considering the fact that the family will be pre-occupied in their grief at the time of a death, it is desirable for neighbours and or fellow community members to prepare food for the family of the deceased.
Once, on the occasion of a death in the community, the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said, “Help to make some food for Ja’afar’s family as they are distracted by the event (the loss of their family member).”
(To be continued….)
For further information on Islam or a free copy of the Holy Qur’aan, please contact:
Majlisul Ulama Zimbabwe, Council of Islamic Scholars
Publications Department,
P.O. Box W93, Waterfalls, Harare
Tel: 04-614078 / 614004, Fax : 04-614003
e-mail: [email protected]
