The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 32-year-old man. I am married and I have one child. As a couple, we are both gainfully employed. My eldest brother took me in when our father died; I was still in high school then.
Together with his wife, they gave me a new lease of life.
I was never short of anything at school. After graduating from university, I bought a suit for my brother and a special blanket for his wife as a gesture of my gratitude to them. I have done a lot for his family because he is my hero.
Our mother stays at our rural home. I decided to visit our family recently, so I asked my sister-in-law if they had any parcels they wanted to send to mom.
I have no idea about what infuriated my sister-in-law. She told me off. She went on to say I owe them a lot of money.
To begin with, I did not understand until she said they wanted the money they had paid for my fees. I was shocked because it is something I never expected. My brother was not there.
It is now three weeks since the incident took place and he has not mentioned this to me. Should I tell him or report this to my mother? Please, advise.
Response
Dear writer, thank you for writing in. I am very well and thanks for asking. Well done for showing appreciation for what your brother did for you many years ago. It is hard to understand why your sister-in-law responded in such a manner. I think it is something she has been carrying in her heart for some time. It was very noble of them to put you through school but that was their decision.
As an elder brother, maybe he felt duty-bound to do that. It is very unfair for your brother’s wife to hold you against that. If there are any unresolved issues, they must be treated separately. Your question about her sending something to mom if she so wished was very valid. I do not think there is any need to tell your mother about this. I suggest you talk to your brother and his spouse candidly and respectfully to clear the air. I wish you all the best.
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Boyfriend confusing me
Thank you so much for your Sunday Mail column. I am a single woman aged 23 and in love with a 30-year-old man. We have been going out together for a year and most of his people really love and adore me. I went to his house and he imposed himself on me against my wish. I threatened to spill the beans but he said I should not since his intention is to marry me. The following day, he brought me some tablets and said they would protect me from falling pregnant. I asked him about our plans for the future and he said he had none. Amai, my heart is broken. He now plays hard to get but his people are saying I should hang on, they will rein him in. Is it possible for him to let me down when most of his relatives are in favour of me being his wife? Do you think he will change his mind and marry me?
Response
Dear writer, thank you for reaching out to me and for supporting the column. Please, wake up and smell the coffee. There is nothing in this relationship. The writing on the wall is very clear. The guy has told you directly that he has no plans for you. How frank do you want him to be? If he imposed himself on you and there is tangible evidence, then it must be treated as a rape case. It is a serious criminal offence.
Go and report him to the law-enforcement agents. I am shocked that, at your age, you take tablets from a person who is not a doctor and believe what you are told.
This is very dangerous. You did not even think of the side effects and long-term dangers. Your health is your life; you have to take care of yourself. The union you are craving will not be born out of genuine love.
Do not rush into marriage; take it one step at a time and work on your relationship first, then everything will fall into place. Do not be hoodwinked by the way his people relate to you. It is nothing to write home about. You are fortunate that he has told you the truth, so please move on and do not continue to waste time.
Mother-in-law out to spite me
I am a 41-year-old married woman. I work for a private company whilst my husband is in the public sector. We never had children of our own but many passed through our hands and we assisted in the best way we could. I do not know if I am being too sensitive but a fortnight ago, there was a family function that we all had to contribute towards. A sister-in-law of mine, who is married to my husband’s brother, said something that broke my heart.
The reason it was hard for me to swallow is that she said it came from my mother-in-law. I do not know how true it is. I was told that she said it was unfair for me and my husband to contribute the same amount as the other siblings who had children. She even went on to say we have no need for all the money we have. Amai, I am hurt. Should I confront my mother-in-law about this?
Response
Well done for helping out both your families and for looking after children within those circles. When you do well, you do it for God and for your own fulfilment.
You may not be the biological parents of these children but you have played an integral part in their lives. I empathise with you but do not eat your heart out over cheap gossip.
What did your sister-in-law want to achieve by telling you this piece of news? What makes your mother-in-law trust her with such information? Remember, it takes two to tango, so be careful. They could be trying to stir you up. If someone has anything to say, let it be said in the open and directed towards you. Know your worth and purpose.
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