The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba
Father of my kids won’t pay maintenance
Hello amai. I am a young mother of three kids. The eldest is six while the youngest is one. The father of these kids refuses to pay child support, let alone accept them as his own. The children do not even have birth certificates.
I am scared to report him to the police because he is a former policeman. He claims to be immune from prosecution because he has connections.
I am depressed. I really need him to start pitching in if we are going to raise the kids right.
He does not want the children to use his last name. Please help amai. I do not know what to do.
Response
Hello dear writer. Your letter made my reading very sad. It sounds to me like you are being intimidated by this man. If you knew he was of poor moral standing and would not help you raise your kids, why did you have three kids with him?
You are partly to blame for getting fooled more than once. As far as birth certificates are concerned, go and get them. It is no longer mandatory to have the father’s name on the document.
You will need them to enrol the kids at school. No one is above the law. Approach the courts and he will be reprimanded and made to pay child support. If you continue on the path you are on, you risk losing the children because you are not taking proper care of them.
No child must reach the age of six without a birth certificate. Wise up and take charge. In future, be wary of the company you keep. You need to be exemplary to your kids.
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Husband won’t stop womanising
I am a 50-year-old woman and my husband is 55 years old. We live in an unhappy home because my husband is promiscuous and refuses to change his ways. To make matters worse, he is HIV positive.
He had two children out of wedlock in addition to the three we have together. I was heartbroken, but I was willing to look after them. One stays with me while the other stay with their mother.
They are all minors. I told them how I found out via text message that their father was having an affair with the neighbour’s wife.
They have since moved. I feel sorry for them because they may not know he is positive. I am trying to get hold of her husband, but to no avail. What must I do? I am so fed up amai.
Response
I am shocked that your husband had the audacity to cheat on you with your neighbour. If you do have evidence, I hope it is really a smoking gun because if not, you could cause a lot of unnecessary pain. For starters, it is illegal to knowingly infect someone with HIV.
If that is the case, your husband needs to be reported and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. As for your neighbours, they deserve to know. Early detection saves lives.
You say you are tired and the kids are all grown up, perhaps it is time to separate from this leopard that is refusing to change its spots. I usually advise against it but at times divorce is the only way forward. Protect your peace. I once again preach against multi-partner relationships and extramarital affairs. Like in this case, innocent parties stand to get hurt. I urge my readers to exercise discipline.
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Siblings ganging up on me
Hello amai. I am a 56-year-old man and all my siblings are abroad, except for my 50-year-old sister and 46-year-old brother. Things are not going well among us. When my parents died, I assumed stewardship of the family home as I am the oldest.
My sister started a saloon at the house and a lot of unsavoury characters visit. We do not see eye-to-eye over this. She is always saying negative things about me and will not pick up my phone, but often asks me to pay school fees for her kids.
My younger brother is a drunk and always chimes in.
Together, they gang up on me and even connive to try and kick my other sister’s kids out of the house. I am afraid they will soil my reputation. Please help.
Response
Hi and thanks for writing in. Your story is common nowadays. With family property, everyone wants to be a beneficiary. You appointed yourself steward, was this in the will? Was there even a will?
The truth is that you have no right to be calling the shots. Your siblings also have no right to be this unruly.
Have you been paying the bills and rates for the property? I also hope your late parent’s estate was done right.
By this I mean the State was notified and procedures for change of ownership took place. If not, you may be in a world of trouble.
Make sure all these affairs are in order and afterwards sell the property and give everyone a share. If you do it quickly, it will save you from bickering and character assassination. Do not give them anything to talk about.
It is a shame how divisive property can be in the modern day. Keep your head held high.
You did your best to deal with the family inheritance but it came to nothing. Try and rope in your older relatives as well as your local and internationally-based siblings and let them know this is what you think will bring peace to the family.
Perhaps when everything is on the line you will finally get a bit of cooperation. I wish you all the best.
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