The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Work is stressing me out
MAKADINI amai? I am a woman aged 24 and I work as a receptionist and personal assistant at a small company that does bathroom renovations. I started working there in 2017. I got to know of the vacancy from my sister and I applied and fortunately I got the job. The boss later on explained to me that they recruit young people that cannot afford tertiary education and in the process one can better themselves and save to go further with their education. I thought zvangu zvaita not knowing it was the beginning of a painful journey for me. I am so unhappy amai, almost every day I am insulted and constantly humiliated.
My boss calls me an ignorant low life who grew up in the rural areas. In the two years that I have worked there, I do what I am expected to do. I clean and I handle clients well, they even compliment my good customer service but my very own boss despises me.
He seems to enjoy picking issues with me for no apparent reason and while others get their pay on time, I get mine in bits and pieces over different sections of the month. I have come to the conclusion that I should resign. I have some money that I was saving for school and I had recently started buying things from South Africa for reselling. I think I can grow my business while going to school. It is a better alternative than being emotionally abused every day. I am even scared to come to work, please help amai.
Response
First and foremost, let me say I am happy that you at least have a job in this harsh economic climate. I know things may not be going the way you expect. I am really sorry about the kind of treatment your boss is giving you. My million-dollar question is why is this all directed at you? My sixth sense tells me he could have had some ulterior motive or something that you did not open up about in your letter. Why is he just mistreating you? What is his reason for insulting you?
Is it work related? He cannot dislike you and attack you just because you were born and bred in rural areas. That is grossly unfair, not everyone is a townie. What counts is the way you carry yourself and the way you perform your duties. Paying you in dribs and drabs while everyone else gets their full salaries is actually breaking the law. He should be reported to the responsible ministry.
People spend more time at work than they do at home, so if you are not happy I agree with your decision to quit. Do not look down upon yourself, you have what it takes, the projects you mentioned can really help you generate an income. However, I urge you not to do things out of anger. Put all your ducks in a row before you quit your job. It is not necessary to go through torture day in and day out. It is not good for your well-being. I would be happy to hear about your next move. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.
Being played for a fool
I am a man aged 25 and I met a girl when I was in college. Everything was great until I finished my programme and had to move back to Harare from Mutare. At some point I received a text from her that said, “I am coming hun”.
She later told me that she did not send such a message, her phone had done so by mistake. I gave her the benefit of doubt until she sent me two voice notes singing love songs and quickly deleted them not knowing the damage had already been done. I asked her what the messages were about and she said she sent them by mistake and were supposed to go to a friend asking him if he was going to church that coming Sunday. I tried to reason with her but then she did not show up for my graduation and claimed this was because I had not given her a present for her birthday. I am confused, what must I do? I had plans to marry this girl.
Response
I usually assume that when people have been to institutes of higher learning their reasoning level is top-notch. It is a fact that education improves a person in so many ways. I mean well.
I also respect people who may not be formally educated but have a lot wisdom and natural intelligence that supports their decision making. You do not need to be a rocket scientist to see that this girl is an avid liar. From my point of view, I think you are two different people operating on a different wavelength. Can you imagine a fiancé boycotting your graduation because you did not buy her a birthday present? Surely how low can one sink? Birthdays will come and go as long as one lives. Graduations are once-off events.
Getting a present for one’s birthday is a privilege, not a right, but some individuals think differently. As I always say, love is a complex subject, nobody can tell you to carry on or stop. It is a game of emotions and it comes from the heart. All I can do is to help you read in-between the lines to help you make an informed decision. Hero jira kufuka kana kuwarira.
Always remember that some bad habits die hard. The voice notes and the texts are not a mistake. I think you are being manipulated and the fact that you do nothing about it shows that she has you wrapped around her finger. You should tell her to stop playing games or move on. You deserve someone who will value your peace of mind. I would be happy to know the decision you make after reading my response. I wish you all the best.
Romance amongst in-laws
My little sister is madly in love with bamunini, my husband’s little brother. The two started dating in 2012 when she was in Form Two whilst he was in his first year at varsity. Due to a communication breakdown, the two vakamboita kunge varambana.
Then he met a certain girl at varsity and he impregnated the girl and this forced him to take her home as his wife. My sister was heartbroken about this and decided to end the relationship completely. Then some time last year, the two met each other and he said he was still interested in her and she took him back.
He says he cannot break up with his wife because it will not be fair. Since September last year, the two are madly in love and they are promising to get married. She is now 23 and he is 32 and a father of two with his wife from varsity. She is saying she is not bothered by the idea of becoming a second wife. My question is will this not ruin our family set-up? My husband paid for all of my little sister’s education. I am really scared of the potential backlash. There are kids involved.
Response
Thank you for writing to me on behalf of your sister. This is what life is about. In this case, mainini is now madly in love with her old flame and nothing else matters anymore. I am really concerned about when this started. She was in Form Two and he was in varsity. I do not condone people who date minors. It is against the law. I hope they were not intimate and it was an innocent fling at best, please look into this matter. It has been almost a decade since these two broke up and so many things have happened. Your brother-in-law married another woman and they have been blessed with two kids. He married his wife because he loved her but because you are trying to justify what is going on between him and your sister, you are avoiding the truth. He did not say he married her because of the pregnancy. They met last year and decided to rekindle their love affair. This is very unfortunate because babamudiki is married and is a father of two. This makes their relationship an illicit affair. The guy is cheating on his wife, which is terrible, love triangles are risky.
When the guy got married, your sister was heartbroken and decided to stop the relationship. What has happened now that has made her change her mind? Is she desperate? Why does she want to play second fiddle? The guy is saying he cannot let his wife go because it is not fair. Can your sister not understand the meaning of that? Your husband did a very noble thing in paying her school fees. She should not wreck such kinds of relationships. She is only 23 – she can start on a clean slate. She has to be human and respect babamudiki, his wife and children.
I know she has a conscience and this should guide her. She should not spoil relationships, especially for you who already got married into this family. Can you imagine the type of relationship you will have with your sister-in-law if this persists? This will destroy you all like a veld fire, it should be stopped now. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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