The Sunday Mail
WHILE kids have been known to say the darndest things, it seems the prophets of today are giving them a good run.
While the word “darndest” has various meanings which include funny, surprising, unexpected and clever, the latter meaning can be considered the least to be found amongst what some prophets have been uttering.
The weird claims range from those who say God gave them dates when He will visit Earth, going on visits to Hell, to receiving phone calls from God.
While competition is stiff, Pastor Paul Sanyangore’s consistency probably puts him ahead of the pack.
Recently Pr Sanyangore said he has God’s direct line and he phones Him to get instructions on how to help his followers.
Quoted in H-Metro, Pr Sanyangore said, “I actually have a direct line which I can call Him and get instructions on how to proceed. I got this when I was praying and I heard a voice telling me to call direct. I got instructions on the phone on what to do or say and that is what happened on Sunday. . .”
If this was all, we would maybe take him down a notch in the darndest rankings.
But last year he said he died and resurrected at birth after it was pronounced to his mother that he had not much time to live.
“Yes, and my mother can testify . . . She said on her way home I passed out and it took one lady to notice that something was wrong with me and she rushed with to a doctor (Dr Chikwava) at Park Town Shopping Centre and I was pronounced dead. While she was crying outside and pondering for the next move she returned to the room where I was and she found me back to life,” Pr Sanyangore said in H-Metro.
Early last year, the Victory World International Ministries leader claimed to have walked on water. He seems to love water; in December 2016 he said he had turned sewage into potable water.
Pr Sanyangore is in fine company.
Prophet Talent Madungwe says has made a journey to Hell and back. His claims stretch to the extent that he says he has met God three times.
We are not talking of a spiritual, vision-like meeting. No. He has physically met God three times and has visited Heaven.
It gets better. He had his birthday party in Heaven and had supper with God.
“It is only by the grace of God that I am the one chosen to receive the honour of meeting God and like what happened when Mary was going to give birth to Jesus no one would but she had been chosen,” Prophet Madungwe said.
He is the same prophet who claimed that God was going to visit Zimbabwe last September.
Zimbabwe’s prophets will, however, have to up their game if they want to win the continental darndest sweeptsakes.
Across the Limpopo, the fellows there will not be easily outdone.
Pr Zendile Andries November in Bloemfontein claimed “to have healed a woman with his holy shoe on her private part, while Prophet Theo Bongani Maseko of the Breath of Christ Ministries in Daveyton, allegedly made his congregants drink engine cleaning fluid in order to cure HIV, and cast out devils.
“The woman came to me about pimples on her vagina. This made it impossible for her to sleep with her husband. Because the problem was on her private part I decided to use the shoe rather. I believe in miracles and God uses anything to heal. Most of them come back negative and those that are positive I encourage them to have faith and continue to pray for them,” South African media report.
Said Prophet Maseko, “Remember when I first bought the Havoline, I drank it alone. And everyone in this place thought I was going to die. But I didn’t, I did this to prove to many of you that I know who I am. And I am no longer a human being. I am the form of God. I am the exact Image of my Father. I am the Christ. Look today you are all going to be delivered and healed in a strange way. That way is to demonstrate Mark 16:17-18. This is Havoline but now I say this is the unseen, and unheard power of God. This is the fullness of Christ in this bottle. No poison will prosper against you. . .”
Twenty-four-year-old Prophet Lethebo Rabalago of Mount Zion General Assembly grabbed the headlines after he sprayed insect-killer Doom on his congregants so they could be healed of diseases.
Prophet Rabalago said he was chosen before birth to do this.
In December 2016, it was reported that Prophet Rufus Phala heals his church members with Dettol, a disinfectant.
The prophet is said to have told his congregation during service that God had told him to use the antiseptic liquid to heal people.
“I know Dettol is harmful, but God instructed me to use it. I was the first one to drink it,” reported the Daily Sun.
But perhaps the greatest miracle of all is that people actually believe these guys and give them all their life savings.
