The Sunday Mail
Tendai Mbirimi
Bridal Writer
Without doubt, it takes two to tango, be it in good or bad faith. Before blaming the Devil when things fail to work in your marriage, self-introspection is vital.
The media have been awash with the news of a jilted reverend, Robson Munamba, who doused his spouse with acid after the woman told him she was no longer interested in him.
If there is a term that has been abused up to its limit, it is the word “love”.
The misuse and abuse of this word has resulted in many young marriages falling by the wayside very early. For many who have failed to make it in their marriages, the blame game is the order of the day. When the going gets tough, that is when one’s disposition manifests.
Real love manifests where transgression is at its peak, not when everything is smooth.
The rate at which newlyweds are divorcing or opting to move out of their matrimonial homes in Zimbabwe is frightening.
The number of people approaching civil courts either seeking redress or claiming maintenance is growing each passing day. In several circumstances, particularly for churchgoers, the Devil is blamed for everything.
If you want to give yourself and your future spouse any chance of happiness in your marriage there has to be a bit of retrospection and introspection.
This enables you to focus more on compatibility factors rather than infatuation and excitement issues masquerading as love.
Real love belongs to God, which only through his grace permeates to us. Our part, therefore, should be to be on the lookout for issues to do with compatibility.
If you are not willing to enter into a relationship without taking into account issues to do with compatibility, then be prepared to engage in a fire fighting union.
Incompatible issues like religion and cultural beliefs may render a marriage dysfunctional.
You, therefore, need to go through these issues and the like before tying the knot. The more you understand each other, the more you are likely to get along. It is, indeed, an ambitious undertaking. But, whilst you may not be hundred percent compatible, it is a major step that you have to undertake
Take the example of gadgets, a car is not a plane, therefore, it cannot fly. A decoder’s remote control is not a cell phone; therefore, it cannot make calls. Or to give a different example, oranges are not lemons.
Therefore, understanding each other in the same vein implies that you will not expect your spouse to think or do things the way you do it. Men are not women. Our “wiring”, needs and expectations tend to differ. Understanding men will help women get the best out of them.
Naturally, when the understanding is reciprocated, we all benefit.
As long as we base the institution of marriage on the values that cement our union as families and communities, we stand a chance of bracing the storms that assail the institution of marriage.
Marriages that are mostly based on a jealousy foundation of love, have a fairly reduced chance of survival than one that is based on shared values, traditions and the same understanding of what a marriage really entails and the roles that both must play within the union.
Please send your feedback to [email protected]
