The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
AMAI, I hope I find you well. I am a married man aged 24 and my wife is 21. We are blessed with a one-year-old son. I am gainfully employed and so is my wife. I work 20km out of town and it is directly opposite from where my wife works. We have one car, so my wife is forced to use public transport.
I am deeply worried about what I have observed between my wife and my neighbour. When my wife goes out to the bus stop, my neighbour goes out at the same time too. At the end of the day, when they finish work, they come in the same kombi or mushikashika.
They do not work at the same company. So, how can it always be this coincidental? Should I ask my neighbour or my wife about this? It is eating me up Amai and I now hate the guy next door. Please help.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for inquiring. You do not have any solid evidence of anything here. It could be entirely coincidental. That being said from a probability perspective, lightning rarely strikes the same spot twice.
Your neighbour could be coordinating his movements to match your wife’s or they could be in it together. Where there is smoke, there is fire. Explain to your wife how this is a cause of concern for you but do not be accusatory. Hear her side of the story. The next step will require you to make some adjustments. Whether it means waking up earlier to drop her off at work and pick her up at the end of the day, or you giving her the car so she avoids public transport. You would have to commute with a colleague or find other means of getting to and from work. Make the necessary adjustments. Try and really find out what is going on. I hope it is nothing worrisome. I would be happy to hear back from you.
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Daughter wants to wed broke boyfriend
Dear Amai, I am a big fan of your Sunday Mail column. We have a daughter who has been very unfortunate in love. She turns 29 in two months’ time. She is well established. She has a two-bedroomed apartment and a car. She is comfortable, very responsible and has worked hard for what she has. She has been dating a guy for the past year who we think is after her money.
She loves and supports this guy and this does not go down well with me and baba. Our girl is degreed but this guy does not even have an Ordinary Level certificate.
Last weekend, tete, my husband’s eldest sister, came to tell us that this guy has now proposed to marry our daughter next month and she is willing. Where is he getting the money? How will he support his new family? Is our daughter funding her own marriage? Is this a sign of desperation? We are upset and have no answers for this. Amai, is this normal?
Response
Hello big fan and thanks for writing in. They say the heart wants what the heart wants. Money is not everything. Many people marry when they are not yet very financially established. For some couples, it works well and for some, it is a pain point that ends in disaster. While it is difficult to tell a person’s true intentions, in this case, you may not need to worry only about the gulf in finances. You may also need to dwell on compatibility.
They seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum and yet the opposites have attracted. Have you sat down with your daughter and asked her about this? She may indeed be feeling desperate but there is no need to rush. If she truly loves this man, she will make her own choice with or without your blessing.
She is a major.
Apart from his lack of academic qualifications, it would be good to establish his source of income. If your daughter is supporting him as you say, then I sense real danger, as he may be a scammer.
You need to have a serious family meeting with your daughter, baba and tete to get to the bottom of all this before moving forward. I think due diligence is the only way to prevent a mistake from happening.
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Colleague is obsessed with me
I am a 23-year-old woman working for an NGO. I have a copycat at work and it is bothering me a lot. If I buy anything, be it a dress, shoes or hair she will go and hunt for the same thing. One day we ended up wearing the same style and colour. I had to go home and change because I was not amused. This girl tries to be me in all aspects. I have had a small silver car for the past year.
To my surprise, at the beginning of this year, she bought a silver car of the same make. I cannot make head from tail. What would be the meaning of this? It is unfortunate jobs are hard to come by I would have left. How do I go about this Amai without creating some drama?
Response
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. While it is disturbing that she wants to be in competition with you, just ignore her. If you show that it disturbs you, it will feed into her agenda.
Continue to flourish and showcase your style. If you really want to spite her, compliment her and tell her where you purchase your possessions.
Chances are once you show you are not disturbed or in competition with her, she will dial it back. Give it time and she will wear herself out. Do not obsess over the small issues. Enjoy yourself, there is only but one life to live.
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