The Sunday Mail
I AM writing to you on behalf of my sister. She is struggling to conceive. She got married in 2012 and she had a lavish wedding. Of late, there is a lot of pressure on her to conceive, it is coming from her mother-in-law and her hubby’s siblings. Medically they say there is nothing wrong with her. The family she got married into vanoita zvemishonga. One time she went to sleep over kwaamwene akamuka akanyorwa nyorwa muruoko. They are also encouraging her hubby to try for a child elsewhere. The language they use around her is very abusive. The husband used to cherish her and tell her about everything, including finances. Now he is always hostile and frustrated. They wanted her to go ku n’anga but she refused because she is a Christian. Do you think there is anything left in this union? It pains me to see her being treated like this.
Response
Let me commend you for writing on behalf of your sister. I always encourage people to marry for love. This is the cornerstone of any meaningful marriage. I do not understand why people move thre goalposts when they are married. When you marry there is no guarantee whatsoever that you will have kids. Such gifts come from God. Your sister has undergone several tests and the result is that there is nothing wrong with her. Why is her husband not keen to do likewise? Why are his family members teaming up to abuse her? She should use the law to protect herself. I urge her to go for a peace order. From your communication I can see that your sister stands by what she believes in. She does not believe in rituals. Her husband has since ceased to plan with his wife, so in my view this marriage has lost its salt. Nobody has any right to violate this woman’s rights. In my view your sister should never be intimidated by anything, she needs to remain calm and pray sincerely, God will answer her prayers. Last but not least, she should dare her husband to go for tests and prove to everyone that he can sire children. It would lift so much weight off their shoulders and be a message to his family that they are truly waiting on God’s time. I would be happy to hear from you again, I wish you all the best.
to get a provisional before failing his road test three times. He does not even contribute to the children’s welfare by paying fees. He does not like maids and deems them to be troublesome. He insists on doing all the household chores himself. How strange is that? I am so fed up. We are staying in my house and I am wondering if I should kick him out so he gets a taste of how it feels to be all alone. I may even claim for maintenance while at it. Am I taking it too far?
Response
Marriage is a tag team and couples should adhere to that. You are blessed with three beautiful kids. The law and the good book demands that each parent should play their part in their upbringing. Your husband is just lazy, there is no easy way to life. You have spoilt him to the extent that he feels like he is one of your kids. For a parent not to do anything for their children’s welfare is grossly irresponsible. He is physically fit so there is no excuse at all. Yes, it is good to give to the church but you do not steal the money from your family to do so. You work and earn the money. Marriage comes with responsibilities, this is what your husband should know. It is not just about calling the shots. It is very unfortunate that he does not realise that age is no longer on his side. At 52 he still behaves like a toddler. In as much as I know that you are angry and frustrated, I still urge you to engage the services of a professional counsellor. You say you never enjoyed your marriage but you kept on having children and stayed with your husband. The counsellor will look at these issues closely and help you. If he had some form of income you would claim for the two minors’ child support. Thank you so much for your patience and efforts. Well done for making sure your family has a roof over their heads. Remember when you are a parent the decisions you make affect your children too. So calm down, go through counselling, then make an informed decision. Last but not least, there is power in prayer. Pray about this, God will give you your heart’s desires. I wish you all the best.
Is age really just a number?
I am a 19-year-old girl and I am eagerly anticipating going to college. I am dating a 37-year-old man. The age difference is pretty great and is a source of concern. He promises to marry me and take care of my education but I wonder if people, my parents in particular, will accept our relationship. He separated from his wife because she refused to have more children after they had a daughter, or so he says. Please help.
Response
Marriage is about true love, commitment and respect. It has nothing to do with age, although, our culture prefers the husband to be the older one. I see there is quite a big gap between the two of you but the choice remains yours. I agree this has its pros and cons, which makes it very debatable. This guy has told you that he separated with his wife because she did not want to have a second child. Does this reason carry water? Why have you just accepted it as gospel truth? Your gut tells you that this woman may come back. Your guess is just as good as mine on that one. Why guess when you can research further? Ask for tangible proof that he is divorced. From your communication, I can tell that you do not know this guy very much, please take time to know him. If you do not do your homework, you may be taken advantage of. Marriage is about you, it does not matter whether people judge you or not because they have no say on how you must live your life. Why is this guy trying to tie the knot so fast? He wants to pay your fees and so on. I smell a rat. You know your parents better and you say they will not accept this relationship. You have your doubts. My million-dollar question is why are you swimming against the tide? Do a bit of digging and come back to me.
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