My in-laws think I run on batteries

Dating a divorced father of three

I hope I find you well. I am a young lady aged 22 and currently on attachment at a renowned organisation in the country. I am dating a divorced man who is 10 years older than me. He has three daughters and our relationship is going great. I hope it will get serious down the line.

I am even paying the rent at the place my sister and I stay. She abuses me verbally and often reprimands me for dating an older man who is a father of three. She is not too pleased about the arrangement. Any idea how I can make her see it the way I do?

Response

I am glad that you are young and things seem to be going well for you from a career standpoint. Your relationship has a lot of complexities besides the age gap.

I also detected a lot of undertones in your communication. Is your boyfriend helping you pay rent and did he have any hand in getting you into the organisation you work for? Where there is smoke there is fire and your sister is certainly worked up. Inasmuch as you are enjoying your relationship, if this man is divorced, he may not be in a rush to commit to you permanently.

Are you also ready to be a stepmother to three children? You also need to factor in how his ex-wife will take to this.

Please make an informed decision that is not blinded by material possessions. Love is the glue that makes any marriage stick together. Do not overly commit for the wrong reasons. A lot of young women have been taken advantage of because of this. I wish you well.

 

Relationship drama spreading me thin

Amai makadii? I am a 20-year-old lady and I am struggling to choose between two guys. The first one was my boyfriend for two years. We broke up because I felt like he never stood up for me when it came to his friends. They called me names and insinuated I was gold digger. He would let all this happen until I could not take it any longer. I broke up with him and moved on.

The second guy was more caring and seemed serious about me. My ex showed up when I had moved on and persuaded me to get back with him, and for four months everything was great. He has since reverted to his old ways. My second boyfriend is so serious about me but in all honesty I care deeply for both of them. I do not know what to do. Please help!

 

Response

Ndinofara hangu. Let me start off by saying you are in this mess because of your own doing. I do not condone multi-partner relationships for health reasons and you are playing with the emotions of these two young men.

The first one is clearly a bad option for you because he does not respect you and treat you right. If you could set your emotions aside, it would be a clear-cut option. Go where you are celebrated.

Please do so while you still can because if the second guy catches wind that you have been entertaining your ex for all these months, you may lose something genuine that you had going for yourself.

Take it easy, you are a young woman, you have to lead with your heart, but you must also be calculating and see what is on the ground. Do not spread yourself thin over a manipulative ex. I hope you make an informed decision.

 

My in-laws think I run on batteries

I hope I find you well. My husband comes from a family of six brothers and two sisters. It is a very big family. But the family is very pleasant and level-headed. My varoora counterparts on the other hand are very hot-headed. My child is called Tatenda and everyone calls me Mai T. I am a hard worker, it is just the way I was raised. The problem now is that people are taking advantage of me. Whenever there is a gathering — brought about by fortunate or unfortunate circumstances — I am always the one working the hardest.

If I am to arrive late, the other varoora are usually seated, doing nothing. This attitude perplexes me and I often wonder kana pane zvinoita kuti vamwe vakwindimare. I do not mind working, but I am only one person, I get overwhelmed. The tetes of the family just sit and wait to be served. They often give salty remarks about how long cooking the food took or how bad it tasted. I am tired of everyone waiting for Mai T to save the day.

Out of the six varoora, it is just me and one other lady who are willing to roll up our sleeves and do what needs to be done. My question is: how can I make this right? Is there a way to create a team of happy workers out of this sorry bunch? My mother-in-law is very appreciative though and often gives us huku yevaroora. Not that I want a reward, but it would be nice to get help. I hope you respond and give me what your take on this one.

Response

I am very well, thank you. It is always a good thing when I read that people are in happy unions. Well done. You seem like a very pleasant character that everyone can rely upon. As for your good upbringing and parents, I am very pleased with them. In Shona we say ganda rakanaka rinobva kumasvuriro. These days, young varooras are causing headaches in their families. You may be the very last of a dying breed.

What you said about your mother-in-law is a good thing because it helps to dispel the myth that all mothers-in-law are cruel and mean. As for how you should act going forward, I say hupenyu idungamunhu. You cannot decide to be lazy because others are lazy.

You are hardworking and respectful. Continue to build on that. Lazy people will continue to cause problems and blame others for their shortcomings. Another thing you can do is to create a WhatsApp group whenever there is a gathering. In it outline who does what.

At times you need to coerce people into action. Continue to stretch yourself and God will do the rest. Being moody and lazy like the others will get nothing accomplished. Do not bother about your tetes and their remarks. If they could do a better job, they would.

They are also varooras kwavakaroorwawo, so what goes around comes around. Natural justice will catch up with them. Lead by example and continue to pray for a tight and cooperative family. It shall be well.

 

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