My husband has no spine

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. All things being equal, I wish to tie the knot in February 2024. Lobola was paid and now we are having wedding meetings.

These gatherings, where both our families are equally represented, can be very stressful. My mother-in-law and my husband’s brother are so pushy that at times I wonder if it is still our wedding that is being planned or theirs.

Most people now seem fed up. The two even override the chairman of this committee.

The reason I am writing to you is that we have come to a standstill.

These two imposed the groom’s team on my husband and he accepted under immense pressure.

My mother-in-law suggested they give me a bridal team full of her relatives, but my parents and I said no to that.

This level of interference has left a sour taste in my mouth and I now dread the future. My husband has no spine. How do we face the world?

Response

Dear writer, thank you very much for writing in. I am fine and thank you for asking. Congratulations on finding your Mr Right.

Do not let any amount of pressure dampen your spirits. The committee should understand that the wedding is for the two of you. Family and friends are there to give the support you need so that your plans are successfully implemented. It is your wedding day.

Your brother-in-law and mother-in-law are off track. They must not impose the bridal team on you unless asked to do so by the bride and groom.

The happiest day of your life should not be spoilt. Our culture respects that the groom and bride choose their own team, albeit with suggestions from family and friends, but no impositions. I hope the go-between (munyai) is in the committee to neutralise the tensions that are building up.

Please, make sure you do not say or do anything regrettable. You have your whole life in front of you as a couple. Remember, the wedding is a one-time event. I wish you all the best.

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To do or not to do?

I am a married mother of two. I am educated and gainfully employed and so is my husband. I dated a guy for six years before I left that relationship and later on married my husband.

We broke up due to a very trivial issue, which we both regretted later, but it was already too late. He went out of the country and got married to a Zimbabwean woman, and they also have two kids.

He came back to settle at home last month. He now wants us to meet over lunch to just catch up. He stated that he still has one of our portraits and would want to give it to me. He has kept it over the years in his private documents cabinet. I need genuine help. Amai, is it okay to go and meet him since it is all innocent? Is it something that we can tell our spouses about?

Response

Greetings dear writer. I want to remind you that the past is dead and buried.

It does not matter anymore what caused the breakup. Marriages are made in heaven, so was yours. You no longer belong to each other. You both have moved on, so I do not understand what you want to catch up on.

The picture you are talking about has no place in any of your current homes, so why bother? The fact that you have had to ask for advice means your sixth sense is telling you to leave it alone.

Frankly, it is taboo and very disrespectful to tell your spouse about your intention to go on a lunch date with your ex-flame.

You are either not thinking straight or thinking aloud. Please, keep your marriage intact. Think of your husband and kids and put yourself in their shoes. I strongly advise you to stop dead in your tracks before you set in motion a series of events that will be beyond your control.

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How do I save my marriage?

I am a young married man. I have one child. I want to be very brief and direct.

My wife took up several roles in different guilds at church. She is also a working woman and now she hardly has time for me. She is always busy, almost abandoning me and the baby. During the week, she brings work home and does it until very late. At weekends, all roads lead to church. I am not amused; my affection is waning. How do I save my marriage?

Response

I applaud you for speaking your mind. I sense your frustration. Communication opens many doors in marriage. You are still in the romantic phase of your relationship. The company of your spouse is of paramount importance.

I suggest you sit down as a couple and ask her to drop some of her numerous activities for the sake of your marriage. She should balance both work and home life.

I also urge you to go for professional counselling so that you are reminded about the importance of spending quality time in a marriage. Love is effort-inspired. Both parties have to work hard to make it blossom. I would be happy to hear from you again and I wish you all the best.

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