The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Church pledges putting us in debt
I am a married man aged 38 and my wife is 34 and we are blessed with sons. We are a Christian couple and go to one of these Pentecostal churches.
My wife has a position and she really works her heart out and I support her. The problem now is she plays big in church. Hatina zvakawanda but we are comfortable. There is a lot of unnecessary competition there in the name of pledging.
I spoke to my wife that God knows where we stand financially and it is not good for us to fight because of pledges that go towards the church.
The problem is that now we are in debt and servicing these debts is eating into our family budget. We had saved some money to get our sons decent school uniforms but that money was taken and given to church.
We are both civil servants you can get a rough idea of how much the two of us bring to the table.
Day in day out people phone or come to ask for their money. Kwedu kunodaidzirwa vanopa zvakanyanya — mufunge she is one of the best.
Just last week someone forcibly took her laptop because she did not fulfil her promise of giving back the money she had borrowed from this lady.
Now we have stopped joint budgeting because vana vangatambure. What hurts me most is to see my wife lead such a life, this is affecting me and the children terribly.
Even the kids vanoti phone yamai ikarira they ask what shall I tell the caller. She now lies in front of them handisati ndasvika kumba or ndichatuma mwana. This is making me angry.
Should I stop her from going to church or should I talk to this pastor who is always preaching about money?
Our happiness has been compromised. Please assist, vanokwereta kana zvechimbadzo so that she remains one of the best.
Maybe it is better for me and the boys to quit church.
When marriages are shaken because of church activities then there is no point of going there. The purpose of any faith worth its salt is to uphold whatever is good.
The problem is many people have forgotten the true reason why people should go to church. It is not about prestige, neither is it about other worldly reasons.
It is about serving the Almighty and only doing so from the heart will attract God’s attention. One may pledge above the rest and still remain an empty soul.
My advice for your wife is for her to concentrate on paying back her debts. I doubt if she will ever get her blessings when other people are complaining about her.
Parents are their children’s role models and for them to turn them into liars and dishonest individuals is not good.
They learn a lot from just observing the goings on at home, they are very impressionable. Engage a professional counsellor who is a Christian to assist you.
You need to go through this with her. Maybe she is confused and does not know how to stop. God is not interested in large or small amounts but in how sincere one is when they give these pledges.
The good book instructs people to pay their debts and to live a straight forward life.
Yes, bull offerings are commendable but kuzoenda kuchimbadzo zvine ngozi dzakawanda and it is very far-fetched.
Go through this in the confines of your home. I do not think it is a good idea to quit the church. Instead work on this problem privately. It is premature to involve the pastor.
Pray for your family sincerely.
God knows when we have and when we do not because all things come from him. I hope this will work out well.
I would be happy to hear that you two reconcile and get back to budgeting together.
Dead sister asks me
to marry her hubby
I am a 27-year-old lady doing a degree programme at a local university. My sister was happily married to her husband and they had one child.
My sister was in perfect health but every now and then she would say she would die first and would want me to marry her husband and look after her child.
Not long ago my sister died in a car crash. What shocked me the most is her husband took out a letter that was read by the grave. The letter was written by my sister and it said I should marry her husband. Babamukuru said he would be happy to do so but only if I said yes.
I do not know what to do but what I do not want is to let down my sister. I also do not want to say yes then regret. Please help me I cannot make a choice on my own, he wants to pay bride price for me then tobva tachata muchurch.
I am sorry about the tragic loss of your sister may her dear soul rest in peace. I hear you and I hope I will be of assistance.
With all due respect, marriage is not about pleasing other people, it is a choice you make as an individual — idungamunhu. In as much as I would want to respect your sister’s wish I would want you to be true to yourself before potentially making a lifetime decision.
I am sorry she left a very young child.
My view is you are not duty-bound to marry babamukuru in order to look after this child you can do it samainini vake haisi nhaka. I do not know babamukuru and I have no reason to doubt him but it is my hope that other people including yourself saw that the letter was penned in your sister’s handwriting.
Yes, babamukuru wants to marry you mobva machata. There may be nothing wrong with this but manga machema rinhi? Grieving is part of the healing process. Mind you this was a car crash munhu kungo ita seabvutwa its very painful. Why do you not give the two families time to get to terms with what happened?
Death and a wedding are two extremes, why not take it one step at a time? Your parents and close family members must still be devastated.
At 27 I do not know if you were in love with someone else because you do not say, but if you are you cannot just turn your back on this guy. You need time to resolve this.
My advice is why do you not befriend babamukuru and then date him first if you truly want to try. Let things work themselves out. Remember there is a child who has already lost her beloved mum and it would be tragic for the same child to see you walk away again if things do not work out.
Handigone kukuudzai zvekuita but I can only give you pointers so that you can work out the equation. In Shona we say “mandikurumidze akazvara mandinonoke” so take heed.
Please continue with your degree programme. Education is a plus in one’s life.
I hope babamukuru appreciates you and what you are doing. Lastly, some things are easier said than done. You may have been tight as in-laws but changing your roles to spouses may need a bit of polishing up. I wish you all the best. Keep me posted.
Living in fear
Mai Chisamba, I am so confused my life has actually lost all meaning. I come from a family where people are not close to each other.
I read from one of your communications pane vaingofungiranana fungirana.
My mother tells us that we are poor because there is a relative causing that, an uncle from my father’s side. When this uncle comes from kumusha they accommodate him and pretend all is well. For everything that is done kumba — be it a wedding, a new job, someone getting married — the language is always ngatifambe, vanhu vakashata.
There is a lot of mistrust among our people. I am the eldest in a family of five and I can tell you I am not my mother’s favourite because I question most of these things. My father is a man of very few words and shows no interest in these things so vanonzi irema.
We all go to church but I do not think it is helping at all. My other siblings are just as confused. Both my parents go to work but ndiwo mabasa ekiyakiya.
Do you think it is true that my uncle is the one causing the hardships my family is experiencing? At times tinoshaya kana hupfu chaihwo hwesadza.
I am doing a course at one of the technical colleges. Am I not sweating for nothing?
You sound so dejected young man, there is no need for that.
In Shona we says “muzivi wenzira yeparuware ndiye mufambi wayo”. In life most of these people who run around like your mother saying so and so does this and that there are the ones creating a smoke screen to cover their tracks.
Do not take them seriously. They are always looking at the dark side of life. Your mother says your family is poor, poor by whose standards?
For your information, I do not think anyone has cast a spell over you guys it is not a secret that the economy in the country is not performing well.
I do not want to dwell on the issue of kumbofamba like your mother says because there is no scientific proof that murikuroiwa. But if kufamba kwaibatsira things should have improved — food for thought.
I think it’s mean to describe your father as rema – it’s just unfair. A man who looks after his family and sends his children to school must be saluted instead.
My advice is work hard at college. You will reap the rewards at some point.
Live a normal life where you see everyone as a friend. Look at the bright side of life. Encourage each other in your family to do something that can bring an extra honest dollar or an extra meal on your table.
Embrace your uncle and other relatives and enjoy a stress-free life.
Pray for your family sincerely and for divine protection and remember that God is mighty. You are young and full of potential, the change in your family begins with you.
Writing in shows you are up for it and that hapana akambokuroya. Make use of the church to uplift your spirit. I would want to hear from you again. Be of good cheer.
Write to [email protected] or WhatsApp +263771415747