The Sunday Mail
Mom draining joy from the house
Dear amai, I hope you are well. I am a 17-year-old girl and I am the second born in our family.
We are six in total. I have written to you because my mother is mean to everyone at home. She is always threatening to beat us up even for silly mistakes. Whenever my other siblings mess up, I am blamed. I try hard to impress her but I rarely succeed. I learn at a local boarding school and I always dread going home.
Whenever my mother walks into the house, everyone retreats to their room. Even my cousins, who will have visited, often leave. How best do you think we can tackle this issue? It is so unpleasant for us.
Response
Hello writer, your letter is very sad. I assume your mother is taking out her other frustrations on you and the rest of the family.
I noted with concern that you never mentioned your father. Is he around and why does he not weigh in on this? Is there anything that made your mother behave like this or she has been like this for as long as you can remember?
Your mother needs to be approached by someone she respects. Perhaps a pastor or a relative so they can get to the bottom of the issue.
You are missing out on precious family time because she is always in a bad mood. She also risks losing your siblings who are also minors because of the way she is treating them.
Confide in someone close to the family so this can be resolved as soon as possible. To my readers, I urge you to not take out life’s frustrations on your family. Home is supposed to be a safe space. Please get back to me, I would be happy to assist along the way.
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21 and confused
Hi amai Chisamba. I hope my letter finds you well. I am a 21-year-old lady and I have been dating my boyfriend for the past seven months. We enjoy each other’s company. Recently we hit a major stumbling block when I found out that he is married with two kids.
He then separated from his wife and said he now wants to marry me. His family, notably his father and mother, actually spurred him on. He knows all my sisters and sekurus and his relatives have been told about me.
My question now is: must I marry him? Is this the right way to enter marriage and what fate will befall me if I refuse? I am very confused. Please help.
Response
Greetings dear writer. Thank you for writing in and let me jump right into the matter at hand. This guy does not seem like marriage material. He should not have lied to you to begin with.
Why on earth does he claim he is divorcing his wife for you? Are there more underlying issues? You should be mad that he kept you out the loop for seven months and could have continued to do so if you had not found him out. If you accept his proposal, you effectively become a homewrecker.
You are young; do not be forced into such arrangements. Forget about this guy and move on. The way his family is on board with this makes me raise a lot of questions. He should resolve issues with his wife first. There are children involved, so it must be handled diligently. Only then is he free to do as he pleases. As to what fate may befall you, well, I try to use logic but in this case the phrase “how you get them is how you lose them” applies. What guarantees you that he will not do the same to you in the coming years? Protect your heart and protect your future. Move on and find someone who will truly value you.
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Obsessed with success
I am a young man and I attend a local university. I am currently studying Psychology. Since I was young I have always dreamt of being successful and running my own organisation.
As it stands, I am just getting by and I do not see any opportunities arising for me at the moment. Must I wait until I finish school or must I start working towards accomplishing my dream now? I am sure you will give me sound advice to assist me.
Response
I am very impressed by your ambition and I am glad that you are in university pursuing a programme you are passionate about. Success is something that does not happen overnight and it needs detailed planning. You need to focus on specifics now. You need to start researching on what gaps are in the market that you can fill and if you are going to solely focus on your field of study or explore multiple avenues.
Attachment year will also help you gain a bit of professionalism and corporate culture, including learning the ins and outs of the business world. I also urge you to approach people you admire to groom and mentor you. Most successful businesspersons do not mind being coaches and often offer guidance free of charge to the next generation of young leaders. All I can say to you is work hard and work smart.
Most leaders start from very humble beginnings. Continue to give it your best and I have no doubt you will climb up the ladder. Be patient and hardworking. It will be well.
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