The Sunday Mail
Winning a girl or a woman’s heart is one area in which most men are found wanting.
Some are even prepared to part with cash and other valuables to someone inclined to do their bidding.
One might have an admirable face, physique, cash, car and everything else women admire in men, but lack the courage to say the three little words “I-love-you” to a member of the opposite sex.
Others let their belongings do the talking.
This will be through random acts of kindness, but in nine times out of 10, they fail to realise the intended goal because the targeted woman will be confused as to whether or not the guy will be reducing them to a charity case or it would be out of love.
Called “proposing”, “soliciting”, “wooing”, “waxing lyrical”, “kunyenga”, “kutsvetsva”, “kupfimba” or “kumanga”, getting a woman to love them is an uphill challenge for most men.
It is akin to walking through a forest filled with lions.
Walking into a woman’s heart requires tact, and most guys lack this.
Havana masasi acho.
In boarding school, I recall an incident where a senior guy gave me a mighty kick after he saw me helping myself to a tin of beef he had just given to my classmate as part of a package to solicit the girl’s love.
“Mupfana watobaya mombe yandatumira kuchimoko kuti zvangu zviite. (Young man you are helping yourself to the cow I have paid to my sweetheart,” he said angrily before planting his left foot on my backside at lightning speed.
But he is not the only one.
We used to laugh at senior boys seeking love from our classmates. Each time they wrote love letters, they would enclose $5 for their case to be treated with “urgency”.
Some men are losing an arm and a leg to please women who do not even take them near where their consideration for suitors begin. Others will smack you for hugging a lass they adore, but fail to say the three little words to.
People with beautiful and naughty female relatives do not have challenges finding jobs.
These women can call top managers at big companies on a first-name basis and order them to employ their relatives.
That job can be the condition for love.
“If you truly love me, then make sure my brother’s son is employed before end of day today. How can I love you when you cannot employ even a sweeper?” you hear directors being humbled over the phone by someone their daughter’s age.
It can be worse if the woman knows you are smitten but lack the courage to approach her.
Unotambwa yonke-yonke.
You feel sorry for what some guys are put through in the name of love.
Pakaipa!
There are guys who can go to the extent of hiring a car to please a woman and still fail to win her heart.
A certain gentleman lost his job after he let a woman he was wooing drive his company vehicle, which she crashed.
“I never thought she would crash the vehicle. I was hoodwinked by her sweet looks and thought she could drive.
‘‘To make matters worse, she drove right into my boss’ car and I could not cover-up,” he said while cursing himself for making such a bad decision in the name of love.
Most ghetto youths enjoy fun-filled weekends with plenty to drink and eat courtesy of men who will be eyeing a lass in their hood.
All they do is promise you that they will put in a word on your behalf.
However, most times they never do.
Whenever they are short of beer money, the boys will tell you the girl has a birthday and make you pay for a cake and other non-existent gifts.
This predicament cuts across all ages and social classes.
Whole ministers are made to wait for hours on end by jobless and even ailing women they will be after.
They might even be made to pay for rentals in order for their proposals to be considered.
Some men have bought women cars, swanky apparel and built houses for them just to win their love, but these investments have yielded nothing.
“Who would not take such an offer? He said he loved me and before I could say anything he started building me a house, buying me a car and nice clothes. Who told him I need his wealth? The fact that he is giving me these things without holding a gun to my head means he can afford it. Kana asvotwa ngaarutse,” you hear women saying.
A good number of men are made to meet funeral expenses and buy coffins for people they do not even know, thinking this may help them crawl into a woman’s heart, but in most cases they have been left counting their losses.
Whenever I get broke, I sometimes wish I was a woman and someone will rob a bank just to please me.
Failure to persuade a woman to love you is as good as death.
People will do what they want with you and you cannot complain because you will be in need.
Inotambika mughetto.
