The Sunday Mail
THE prayers of people who argue, fuse and fight and don’t settle their differences will be hindered. Their prayers will be stopped due to the strife in their homes. You cannot overcome what you have destroyed with your confession. People will confess prosperity and blessings, but if their actions are full of strife and bitterness, their actions will destroy their confession. It’s like people who confess prosperity but they aren’t givers. It won’t work. You must plant the seed, do the action and then your confession over it will cause it to come to pass.
It is like that in the family. Don’t allow strife and anger to stop the power of God. To have a healing effect, the attitude of the heart must be that of humility.
Proverbs 13 v 10 says, “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice”.
In other words, pride causes strife. Pride is what caused Satan to start the first war in Heaven, he wanted his way because he was selfish. This is a continuation of my previous article on conflicts, focusing on the causes of marital conflicts. The first three causes I gave were personality differences, in-laws, and the use of money. This week we look at educational differences, spiritual differences, professional or vocational tensions and family crisis. You must learn to turn your conflicts into opportunities.
Educational differences
Most individuals marry without knowing their partners’ educational qualifications. But on realising that their partner is not very educated like them, they start to look down on them instead of encouraging them to study. Christian couples committed to preserving their marriage covenants will seek creative ways to reconcile differences. They will recognise that God did not make a mistake by creating them differently. Seek ways to appreciate your spouse’s strengths. In a marriage we must seek to complement each other, not compete.
One needs to recognise the differences between being knowledgeable and being wise. The fact that your spouse or partner has not earned a graduate degree does not make them less intelligent or wise. That’s why you see that an educated person is sometimes unable to deal with simple practical problems easily solved by a ‘less educated’ person. Moreover, you need the help of your partner in developing intellectual and cultural aspects of your personality.
Spiritual differences
Another delicate area of potential marital conflict is that of spiritual and religious differences between spouses. A husband must always lead and direct the spiritual life of the family, the Bible calls the man the “Priest” of the family. As such, the man must perform for his family the duties that are performed by the priest in the temple of the people of God. A deeply spiritual wife who enjoys family worship and church services will find it unpleasant that her husband fails to lead out in the family worship and in religious teaching and instruction to the children.
The wife must not make her husband feel like a loser in the area of spiritual leadership otherwise it will make it harder for him to take an aggressive spiritual role because by so doing he might prove his wife right. This may give the husband reason to become antagonistic towards her and God. Instead of criticising the husband, the wife may for example ask the husband, “What can we do to enhance our family devotion and leadership?”
When both husband and wife enjoy a healthy fellowship with God, marital conflicts can be easily resolved. The possibility of resolving conflicts is greatly reduced when one or both partners lose this fellowship because the two are no longer able to bring their problems together to the Lord in prayer and seek divine guidance and solution.
Professional/vocational
tension
Joy and happiness in a marriage relationship are closely tied to professional success and productivity. A man who is successful in his work will enjoy the respect of his wife. On the other hand, one who performs poorly in his work can lose the respect of his wife, children and family members. With economic hardships gripping the global world, these tensions in marriages are bound to happen, they are inevitable. When a man fails to fulfil his role as bread winner, he is apt to become discouraged, irritable and sometimes take frustration out on his wife and children.
A low paying job which does not satisfy the wife or the husband’s financial expectations may cause him to become embarrassed. This may cause him to feel unhappy at work and defeated at home. Again when the husband fails to lighten the overwhelming burden his wife carries as a wife at home and wage earner at the office, he feels unhappy. But a man who is critical to his wife’s contribution will weaken her image. Couples need to support each other in their different vocations, recognizing the unique gifts they were given by the Lord.
Be committed to supporting each other in times of distress. If you do not support your spouse, who do you expect to support them? Do not let your spouse get sympathy from an outsider. They will think they are better off with the sympathiser than with you. Your faith in God’s promise that He will supply all your needs will give you reason to do your best in planning wisely for the future while leaving the rest in His care.
Family crisis
Unexpected crisis in the family can be another source of marital conflicts. Sudden changes can seriously test the inner strength of the couple. Your ability to cope with changes is largely determined by the depth of your faith in God and commitment to one another.
When a spouse is gradually or suddenly incapacitated by a crippling disease or accident, the other spouse may have difficulty in coping with the new situation. Couples tend to easily forget their marital vows, an indication that some people do not really mean it when they say, “ . . . in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
Apostle Langton C Kanyati, Founder and President Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Interdenominational Ministries, Email:[email protected], WhatsApp : 0772 987 844
The death of a child or a loved one sometimes arouses conflicts. Death is never easy to accept and can be especially devastating when a loved one is suddenly taken away by an untimely death as a result of an accident or illness. The inability to accept the death of a loved one and to adjust to the new reality may result in repressed anger and pain that can make one nervous, irritable and hostile towards the other. Often times, it is hard for us to understand why a faithful Christian or an innocent child should suffer or suddenly die. As a Christian you must learn to accept sudden illness or loss of a loved one as permitted by a loving God who has our best interest at heart. All these and other conflicts are sometimes inevitable and we must turn them into opportunities to be closer to each other.
Apostle Langton C Kanyati, Founder and President Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Interdenominational Ministries, Email:[email protected], WhatsApp : 0772 987 844
