The Sunday Mail
ONE major requirement for making your marriage work is love.
Love here is not optional, but mandatory. This love does not have its origin in the world, but in God, (Ephesians 5:25)
That men should love their wives is not an admonition or suggestion, but an instruction to be obeyed.
God makes it mandatory for husbands to love their wives sacrificially and unconditionally. You may argue that I am saying this because I don’t know your wife’s character. But let me remind you that your wife’s nature notwithstanding, God expects you to love her.
After all, when taking your marriage vows you willingly said before God and man that you would love her.
Until you love your wife as Christ loves His Church, you are not walking in agreement with the Word of God.
Christ’s love for His Church is not only when she obeys Him, but even when she offends also.
God’s Word instructs you to love your wife in spite of her shortcomings. Until you comply with this commandment, you may never taste fulfilment in the Family. You must ask God to rekindle the love for your wife in your heart.
Particularly according to God’s Word, the love for one’s wife must come after the love of God.
Love in the family must be expressed. How can love between husband and wife in particular, and Family members generally be expressed? This can be done in thoughts, words and actions.
Loving In Thoughts
Love is essentially a matter of the heart that eventually finds expression through the mouth and by actions. Husbands must learn, beginning from the thoughts of their hearts to love their wives. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
When your heart is full of loving thoughts, it readily finds expression in the words you speak. If a man for instance, uses abusive words on his wife, he is speaking out of the abundance of his heart. Until he sees the content of his thoughts, he cannot speak otherwise.
Men initiate things and women respond to them. Husband, initiate the love relationship between you and your wife and she will respond to you. No woman hates to be loved. When you love your wife, you easily win her submission.
Loving In Words
“I love you.’’ Three little words. Yet by them men and women come together to establish God’s counsel on the earth.
Often, however, these words are forgotten after the euphoria of the wedding ceremony is over. Words are powerful, and saying, “I love you” over and over again spices up the marriage. Just like it is necessary for rain to fall again and again for farmers to reap a bountiful harvest, so also is it necessary to say “I love you” over and over again.
The relationship started off by the use of these three words and should grow also by its continuous use. The presumptuous claim that it’s not necessary to say it over and over again because, “She should know I love her,” is wrong. What you believe in your heart, you need to say with your mouth. No one can read minds, and until thoughts are voiced they remain private.
Husband and wife must learn to speak kind words to each other. Words create the right atmosphere in your home. Express to your mate the nice qualities you like in him or her. Husband, handle your wife with care by speaking kind words of appreciation to her often. She needs to hear you express daily how much you love and appreciate her.
Wife, don’t nag your husband to death by repeatedly pointing out his shortcomings or problems in your home. Where there’s a need for correction, use the sandwich method compliment, correct and then compliment.
Compliments
Praise your spouse for doing something well or for something you like about him or her. Everyone loves to be praised, everyone loves nice things to be said about them. It is giving flesh to “I love you”.
Men and women who are not complimented do not feel appreciated. They feel taken for granted and ordinary. So, when someone outside showers them with the much sought for compliments, they are easily taken captive.
Let’s do our homework. Appreciating little things creates greater things. Nothing should escape our praise; it motivates the beneficiary to go a step further. When a wife hears “I love you” from the husband, her countenance changes. She cannot hear too much of it. It works!
Loving By Action
Someone rightly said, “Actions speak louder than words.’’ There is a place for words, but there’s also a place for action. Lending a helping hand, being available, all make a lot of difference in relationships. They are ways of saying “I care”.
Sometimes I feel there should be by-laws for in-laws. One of them should be “Never let your in-laws (or anyone else) criticise, ridicule, or belittle your mate, because if you do it will be poison inside of your relationship that will bring forth a harvest of evil in days to come”.
How many relationships have been poisoned because seeds of destruction were born inside of that marriage when someone pointed out the faults and failures and was critical of the mate? One of the greatest things about love is that it’s always ready to believe the best of every person.
In marriage, we need to believe the best of our spouses. Do not be suspicious of your mate about what they said or the way they said it, what they did or did not do, but be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Apostle Kanyati is the founder and president of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Inter-denominational Ministries. Feedback: [email protected] and WhatsApp 0772 987 844.
