The Sunday Mail
LOVE & BEAUTY with Mainini Beatrice
Sex is a hot subject anywhere in the world, including even the most conservative societies.
Yet many communities and individuals have suffered irreparable damage to their reputations because of sex. I was amazed this other day when one of my workmates remarked that there are only two major reasons he comes to work – to have enough provisions for his family and himself and then, you guessed it right, to afford sex.
My workmate was simply saying apart from food, shelter and clothing, sex is also a basic need for human survival. Which leads us to our discussion for today – if sex is that much a necessity, why do we find married couples denying each other the “precious gift”?
Many couples are fighting each other in courts and even physically over conjugal rights. It appears it is now common for a husband or wife to just decide to refuse their partners the right to sex.
The most common conclusion from both partners is that the other partner will be involved in extra-marital affairs for sexual gratification. It appears in this game, it is the women who are mostly affected as several of them have been approaching the courts in a bid to bring back the husband to the matrimonial bed.
Examples in this regard abound and just a flip of newspaper pages will tell the extent to which denial of conjugal rights is slowly becoming a major problem, not only in Zimbabwe but throughout the world.
Recently, a Harare man, Godfrey Ruwande, approached the courts alleging that his wife, Abigail Chingwa, had been denying him sex since 2003. He was suspecting that Chingwa was engaging in extra-marital activities. The situation for Ruwande was worse and yet he was love stricken.
“She assaulted me when I asked for intimacy because I was suffering sexually. She once locked me out of the house after assaulting me when I caressed her hoping she would give in to my advances,” he bared it all before a Harare magistrate.
Another example is that of a 34-year-old Chiredzi woman who forced her 16-year-old stepson into a sexual relationship while her husband was away on business, resulting in the juvenile contracting a sexually transmitted infection.
It is evident that denial of conjugal rights is a big issue and the situation is prevalent in all age groups and this includes both younger couples and older men and women.
While there are many reasons why couples deny each other conjugal rights, the first to be always proffered is infidelity. Having a extra-marital affair can make one lose interest in their partners since that takes away the affection.
There are also couples who fight then go for months without having sex. Many other reasons why couples deny each other their conjugal rights have been proffered.
After all is said and done, what is important is for couples to freely discuss their sexual relationship and seek ways to help each other.
Failure to be open about sex has seen many husbands and wives seeking sexual gratification elsewhere. It is really bad to deny your partner their conjugal rights, especially without explaining the reasons. This is why even God put it on record that denying each other conjugal rights is a bad habit.
“The husband should give his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband” – 1 Corinthians 7 verse 3 (English Standard Version).
A Bikita woman took it a step further. As her husband and his second wife were sleeping she set their hut alight as sexual starvation got the better of her.
And then the famous cries from couples at Chingwizi holding camp in Mwenezi where they share a tent with their children.
“We are on punishment in the tents,” Irene Bvuwa summed it all up. “I have a husband and six children and do you think I can get sex in such a situation? We ask them to give us tents for children and tents for parents, but they can’t.”
