The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear amai, how are you? I am a 24-year-old university student. I have known a woman who has become my lover for about three years now. We met through a mutual friend and our friendship blossomed to become even stronger than the one she has with my friend.
I never wanted to fall for a married woman, but that is now the case. She is trusted so much by her husband that he gives her a lot of freedom. When he travels internationally, she even lets me use one of the cars. She showers me with money and gifts. I come from a poor background and my parents struggle to pay fees. I would not be able to take care of her if she ended things with her husband. I do not know where this will end. Please help.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. You seem like a young man without a plan. I do not condone what both of you are doing, especially her because she took vows. You should also know better. You are at the cusp of concluding your programme and your parents have struggled to see you through. This is no way to repay them. In the wake of STIs, multi-partner relationships are risky. Besides that, you do not know what this man will do to you once he finds out.
I advise you to end things immediately and focus on your personal growth. The money and gifts are temporary pleasures. They are not worth selling your soul. Furthermore, if she is capable of doing this while she is still married, imagine once she is single or your girlfriend. She lacks character. You have gotten yourself in quite a mess. Now is a good time to start trying to make things right.
Landlady kicked
me out
I am a young man and I am writing to you because I am trying to come to terms with what happened. I moved out of my parents’ lovely home because I wanted to be independent and close to work. I stayed in a cottage for about four months.
During this time, I bought groceries in bulk because it was cheaper and allowed me to spend less time at the shops. My landlady would ask for provisions like cooking oil and dishwashing liquid. At some point, she returned these items after I had long forgotten about them and I expressed my shock. I tried to tell her she could keep them and could deduct the amount from my rent. Mai Chisamba, she was enraged and sent me packing; I am back home. Did I do anything wrong? What must I do going forward?
Response
I want to commend you for moving out to be closer to work. It was a good move. It is unfortunate that you now find yourself back home. If you follow this column closely, you will realise your story is not unique. I often advise my readers to sign a lease agreement and stay at a place where there is minimal interactions with the landlord.
She took advantage of you by asking for provisions. That weakened your relationship. To top it off, you were equally ignorant and tried to negotiate a rent deduction in a very uncommon fashion. She should not have sent you packing, but if you do not have a lease, it is your word against hers. I think it is a good learning curve. Look for another place, sign a lease and enjoy your peace. Have you considered an apartment? Keep looking and give me feedback on what you find.
Where can I find help?
Hello amai, how are you? I am a man who is deeply scared by what is going on in the world. In light of Covid-19 and crime, I am not sure how to go about choosing domestic workers for the house. Most agencies that supply domestic workers are in it for money and rarely supply good helpers.
Back in the day people would look to find workers from the rural areas, as they would be honest. Such is not the case anymore. I am very bothered by this and do not know how to go about it. Times have changed. Can you kindly assist, Amai Chisamba?
Response
I am well and thanks for writing in. Indeed these are scary times we live in but you cannot paint everyone with the same brush. You need to try to look for people who meet your criteria.
Conducting background checks with the police and hiring people with credible references is a good start. It is good that you have your guard up, but if you want to get assistance, you need to be open to the idea of recruitment in light of the associated risks. You can keep certain sections of your house where you store valuables locked and make sure you have a security system and cameras in place to safeguard against all threats that may come from inside or outside your yard. I agree with you, most agencies are now shams. You need to take your time when picking the right ones. Keep an open mind and trust your instincts.
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