The Sunday Mail
Life Issues with FGK
WHEN a man loves a woman, he is willing to trade anything in his possession for her.
Even if a demand that is beyond his reach is made, he will pay up in order to get his woman.
While many people will disagree, love has a price tag. ln most instances, the fee is actually exorbitant. However, in some cases it is quite affordable.
Of course, affordability depends on the means of the “purchaser”.
ln the Bible, David was asked to bring enemies’ foreskins as dowry.
Jacob had to provide manual labour for fourteen years.
Bride price, which we call lobola or roora, is not just a Zimbabwean practice, it is a biblical practice which cuts across culture and religion.
Lobola is very significant in every marriage, especially in Africa. During the bride price ceremony, a man has to part with a fortune (in some cases) in order to satisfy his in-laws’ demands.
In Zimbabwe, there is a common shortcut called kutizira (eloping). When one elopes, the union is not called marriage, but kuchaya mapoto, which refers to an indecent intimate affair.
The esteemed way of getting into marriage is by following through the laid out stages of lobola payment. When the two love birds decide to settle down, they notify their relatives of their intentions.
They first approach the tetes (aunties), first on the man’s side then on the woman’s side. The man then informs his family about his intentions to marry. He tells his uncle first, who will then advise his father.
The man’s father and uncle are responsible for identifying an intermediator (munyai).
With the help of the munyai, the man will approach the woman’s aunties and tell them of their intention to marry. They will propose a date for the event and ask for a grocery list from the girl’s family.
When the woman’s family agrees to the mukuwasha’s proposal (groom-to-be), they will send a message of approval indicating that they will avail themselves on the proposed day.
During lobola payment, there are key people who are required for the negotiations to take place. Talk of the “greedy’ uncles, the “gossiping” aunties and the “gold digging” varamu.
In some families where jealous and wickedness reigns, the event becomes a nightmare. Some relatives or guardians can make everything difficult, for instance, by postponing the ceremony indefinitely. When one succeeds to convince them to agree to the proposed date, they might prove difficult during the ceremony by charging exorbitantly. This usually happens when the woman’s parents are late and relatives are in charge. Some parents are also abusing the process as they see an opportunity to make lots of money out of it.
But, when all the hurdles have been overcome, the process continues with the introductory part, which is taken care of by a munyai as he introduces himself and his team.
After introductions, the groom’s team must begin by producing the first demands on the grocery list, which they would have received prior to the day. They must take precaution not to present less or more of what would have been asked for. Sticking to the quantities is a sign of respect. Bringing out more might be taken as an indication of bragging. Bringing less is obviously a statement which might mean that the “mukuwasha is incapable of taking care of our daughter”.
The next stage is ndiro or vhuramuromo. By ndiro they mean the charge for the platform availed by the in-laws to accept gifts. Vhuramuromo is the token charged to commence the conversation and programme. This is also the charge for the greetings.
At this moment, they might also highlight possible fines for breach of certain terms, say you had promised to come at an earlier date and then failed to turn up, this calls for a penalty.
The next stage will be the father’s gift in the form of cash. This is called matekenya ndebvu.
Then, the mother’s gift, mafukidzadumbu, is next. This one is non-negotiable as it is meant to appreciate the womb that carried the wife-to-be.
Then, there is dare or the council. This involves food which must be eaten whilst people congregate for the procedure. Some bring a live goat or chicken, depending with what is agreeable to the in-laws.
On the next stage, the woman picks some money from the plate. lt is for herself and her future home utensils. She also has to give part of it to her younger and elder sisters as well as her aunties. Nowadays, this money is usually borrowed by her man to help him cushion their wedding expenses.
The most important stage is the rusambo. lt is the main part of the event. At least a quarter or half of the amount charged here must be paid, the rest will come as time goes on. Failure to pay something towards rusambo nullifies the whole ceremony. lf that happens and vakwasha choose to leave, they will have to start from the beginning when they return.
When rusambo is done, danga is charged. The groom must bring cows. However, the most important cow is mombe yehumai, which is a must.
The negotiations are concluded with the presentation of the parents’ clothes. These are known as majasi.
When all is done, even when vakwasha do not present majasi, they are welcomed into the family, as long as they would have paid something towards rusambo.
They are introduced to the relatives and become part of the clan.
Vakwasha should then do a loud clapping, known as gusvi, as a greeting to the in-laws and an appreciation for being accepted into the family.
Quote of the week: A man in love is prepared to go through hell for the love of their life.
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