The Sunday Mail
SIR has never claimed to be a soothsayer or the ultimate clairvoyant. Perhaps because in Zimbabwe’s contentious and oft-times ridiculous football landscape, many things, especially catastrophes, are very easy to predict.
The crystal ball has one word ahead if you stare into it as Philip Chiyangwa runs the ship and his mouth simultaneously. Disaster is the word.
At this rate, Captain Fiasco maybe in danger of ending up in a mental asylum – and not as a visitor to an unfortunate relative – but donning the infamous straitjacket no question!
Low blow, low blow, I can hear some of you shout. How else can one classify that childish on Star FM, the only station worth listening to in these shores.
That infamous episode gives us a chance to look into the mind of PC and see how his marbles roll in there. In terms of misfiring, Chiyangwa has evidently hit rock bottom and even started to dig! Last Thursday morning marked a new low for the Zifa president as he completely lost it in a telephone interview with Nikki.
Taken to task about the bus ferrying the Warriors running out of fuel, the opposite was true for Chiyangwa, whose motor-mouth seems always fuelled.
He was asked as well about the Zifa Village being deemed not fit for purpose by the players. Instead of explaining things, Chiyangwa, true to his nature, gave those who believe he might be one inch short of an inch some evidence.
He claimed to have 2000 (foot) balls and that Fifa gave him 100 000 balls, that he has to pay “my own duties and I pay them as and when I want”
“Those who don’t know cannot tell me what to do and how to do it,” said Chiyangwa, for a moment there sounding like Julius Malema.
Apparently to convince PC that the Zifa Village is inhabitable one has to take a video of the rats that roam the place and show it to him.
“Zvekuti vanhu vakuwona gonzo pavillage…akariwona gonzo ngauye nevideo yacho,” said Chiyangwa before going on to seemingly pull the finger on local football fans.
“I don’t answer to anybody, I answer to the congress of Zifa,” said PC in full throttle. “But you are in, so to speak, public office,” interjected Nikki with that voice that Sir loves.
“No listen to me, this is not public office, it’s a football office. Public office is Government,” shot back Chiyangwa before telling fans who question the way he runs the game to “shape up or ship out.”
For a man tasked with heading the country’s most popular code, Chiyangwa’s sheer level of arrogance is terribly nauseating.
Now we all know what Chiyangwa meant when he claimed to be the god of football in Zimbabwe.
From his imagined Mount Sinai, he bellows his wishes to us the lesser mortals who have a stake in the most beautiful game but have no right to question how it is run.
Sit down Philip!
The Warriors camp was a mess and NetOne told him as much when they expressed their concern over the bad publicity the national team was receiving.
Before I leave, may Chiyangwa be aware that no one is going to take video footage of Speedy Gonzales, Mickey or Minnie or any other rat or mouse to prove that the Zifa Village has the hallmarks of a hell hole.
Perhaps we can give him a free night at the place?
Sir exits the scene!
Sir is social media commentator and writes this satirical column in his personal capacity. Feedback [email protected]