The Sunday Mail
I wish I could go back in time
Dear amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 30-year-old woman and I am married to a 33-year-old man. We are parents to a toddler.
We had a whirlwind romance and got married after two months of dating. We were so in love that I did not realise just how different our priorities were.
Now, I am realising that my husband is the showy type and likes to flaunt his success in everyone’s face. I think this flamboyant lifestyle is a waste of money and we must instead focus on our family. How do I go back to that time where we got along great?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. I am sorry that the undesirable traits are now manifesting at this stage of the marriage. I am sure the signs were there, but you were avoiding them because you were in love. Focussing on the positives, I am glad you started a family of your own and this one issue is the only bad thing.
For starters, have a candid talk with him in the same way you explained to me how you want to prioritise things that matter, like raising your child and investing in your future. The people that praise him or cling to him when he is showing off are simply doing that because it benefits them.
I suggest you go for marital counselling: It will help you communicate better. You jumped the premarital counselling stage because you got married within a short space of time. You need to learn how to operate as one unit and be sensitive to each other’s needs. All that is required is an effort from both of you and it shall be well, I assure you.
***
Our business is run like a tuckshop
I am a troubled man. My wife and I run a joint business. It is based in the Central Business District (CBD) and I work elsewhere.
I pop in on my tea break and lunch to assist. The business is doing reasonably well, but I do not like the lack of professionalism. It has become a place for her family and friends to hang out. At times, there are no vacant chairs for clients because her people are there.
Her parents are also in the habit of just “stopping by”. I want to run the business as best as I can and this really annoys me. I told her off and it turned into a big fight.
I am so upset about it; I am thinking of sending her packing. Please assist Mai Chisamba.
Response
Congratulations on running a successful business. It is unfortunate that you do not see eye to eye with your wife over certain aspects. Explain to her why you do not like the idea of people hanging out there casually.
They disturb the flow of business. Clients are not even able to sit down and yet we all know the customer is king. The so-called “visitors” may affect your profits or even compromise security. There are so many reasons why you must not mix business and pleasure. Try and explain all these issues to her.
I do not think it is something the two of you can break up over. I do think it is something that needs to be relayed to her family and friends gently.
You can even centre it around Covid-19 regulations. Once your wife calms down I think she will see the sense in your move.
Try and rope in a friend or someone influential in her life to back you up. She needs to be able to start considering she may be wrong and stop resisting and arguing just for the sake of it.
***
Scared of rejection
Dear amai, how are you? I am a 22-year-old and currently doing my attachment at a particular organisation. I am so focused on school. I never thought I would find time to be in love.
There is a female colleague of mine from work and we get along great. We do many tasks together at work and we chat over the phone until the wee hours. We have built a strong bond, but I am afraid to tell her how I feel.
I am scared of rejection. I do not have much. I do not have a car and I do not buy food during lunch like some of my colleagues. I bring a packed lunch.
So I am now self-conscious that material-wise I may not have much to offer. Please advise as best as you can amai.
Response
Hello dear writer. I am fine and thanks for asking. You are focusing only on things you do not have and neglecting the one thing you do have — her attention.
Rejection is part of life. It is better to try and fail than to fail to try. You have built a solid base and now is the time to see if that companionship can blossom into something.
You are a young man of great focus. I like that you are still focused on your books, as should be the case. A well-balanced life includes both social and professional/academic life.
Take it slow and do not get in way over your head. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Tell her how you feel and hope for the best. Do not really look down upon yourself because you do not have a lot of material possessions now.
Tough times do not last; tough people do. Work hard in both school and the organisation. It will most likely define your future. I wish you all the best.
◆ Write to: [email protected], WhatsApp 0771415747.
