The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Ex-lover is depressed
Dear amai, I hope my letter finds you well. I am a young woman and I dated my ex for about a year. We had been friends before and the relationship was okay. This guy looks down upon himself and does not have a lot of money, so he did not have much to offer.
Ever since I broke up with him, he is just complaining that he has no idea what he is doing or supposed to do with his life. How best do you think I can assist him? I am aware that dating him is out of the question but I would be happy to assist him out of this helpless state.
Response
Hello writer. I am very well, thank you. I read your letter and I think your ex-boyfriend has a problem. I wish you had furnished me with more details, but I am assuming they are mostly of an economic nature. Taking into light the Covid-19 pandemic, a lot of individuals have been feeling the pinch as income streams have shrunk.
He may need to receive counselling or financial advice from friends and other people in a similar predicament. Mental health needs to be prioritised and I will try to get you in touch with the right people.
I am curious about the nature of your break-up and the reason you broke up. You stated that he did not have much to offer.
Going forward, I hope you will find most of the qualities you want in a partner in one go. You dumping him no doubt added to his current mental state. Be that as it may, it was a better decision than stringing him along.
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Fighting for custody
Hello amai, how are you? The year has started on a bad note for me. I am fighting for the sole custody of my four-year-old son.
I divorced the child’s mother and she has since remarried. She now intends to send my child to stay with her grandmother. I feel like this is very negligent. On December 24, I went to forcibly take my child to spend the day with me. I had an altercation with her husband, who did not want me to take the child.
He only eased up when I told him I would call the police. My understanding is that I am eligible to seek custody of my child. I do not want him to go stay with ambuya: She already has her plate full with another muzukuru.
Response
Greetings writer. I am fine and thanks for asking. Your story is disturbing. I do not condone confrontations of any nature, especially with children in full view. On the 24th things could have gone sideways. You are in a position to fight for sole custody of your son. You have to get a lawyer and go through the courts.
If you are upset about the way he is being brought up by his mother and the idea of him going to stay with her ambuya, then fight for custody the right way. State your case and present your argument.
It is commendable that you are a stand-up guy and you want to do right by your child. Do not let anything dissuade you.
You must be prepared for a fight. She may be building a case against you. Have you been paying child support? In the event that court grants joint custody of the child to the both of you, will you be in a position to support your son financially?
Stay strong and push to give this child the life he deserves. To my fellow readers, I urge you to try and take care of your children as best you can; once they are born they become your responsibility.
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Wife cheating on me with pastor
Amai makadii? I am 37 and I reside in the rural areas. I am married and my oldest child is now 18 years old. I did not finish paying bride price for my wife — ndakangobvisa tsvakirai kuno.
The reason I think my wife and the pastor had an affair is because last year I came across a text she received from the pastor asking to meet her.
She responded by saying she would send our daughter instead and that he should give her some maize-meal. I confronted her and she said they were not having an affair. I have since lost affection for her and we have not been intimate for over a year. How can I take her back to her people? I am so disgruntled.
Response
Ndinofara kana muchifarawo. The first problem you have here is you never finished paying your bride price. It is coming back to haunt you now because culturally it means you are not married.
Her people may not even want to entertain you. Over the years, have they been receptive to you? They may make you go through it before agreeing to help you solve this. The second issue is you do not have a smoking gun here.
All you have is an interaction that does not really amount to anything. The pastor wanted to see her but he did not say why. She in turn asked for assistance and sent your daughter.
I do not get where the cheating allegations stem from. You have been making a storm in a teacup for over a year. If it bothers you so much, speak to the pastor and hear exactly why he wanted to see your wife.
As of now, you are just working on assumptions. If you manage to solve both the issues I have highlighted, you will have peace and know what decisions to make going forward. I wish you well.
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