The Sunday Mail
Written by Tino Hondo
I know many empowered women who wear their power like a suit which they rock during the day then leave it hanged at the door when they get home.
I guess the single ones maybe trying not to intimidate potential lovers with fragile egos and the married ones are just trying to keep the peace and the ring.
Or, could it be that some women don’t entirely buy into the empowerment thing, and it’s really just something for “out there” that they feel has no place in their private lives?
“Look, we don’t mind your gender equality thing. So long as you know to leave it at work, and know that if you have a man you ain’t boss at home,” said a well-meaning male friend.
Sounds suspiciously similar to something some female friends say too.
At a kitchen party one woman said, “Zvekuti uri Miss Independent Woman ndezvako izvozvo. If you want to keep your man, you get home and you take that power suit off wopfeka apron womubikira. Wogeza wopfeka the crotchless panties. Usaita zveBeijing mumba if you want to stay in there.”
Her point I guess is that while equal opportunities are increasingly more available for the taking in public spheres – traditional gender roles and gender norms in the home are not to be tempered with especially for the sake of peace in marriages. Women can be “equal” with everyone else except their own husband or lover.
Many woman today live this life. They have become very educated, very socially liberated, they gender bend in many ways and often earn more than their men – but at the end of the day they get home, remove the power suit, play maid, mother, pay the bills and bend backwards to help hubby feel he is “the boss” – whatever that means – despite all her independence and achievements.
In trying to show that they are no threat to their man’s power in private life, many women play the shrinking violet, they pretend to be a damsel in distress and strive not to seem like they are any smarter or better than him.
Such women often suffer abuse from their men as a way of proving the point, I guess, that he is the “boss”. Many endure the abuse and just adapt by leaving their power suits at the entrance of their homes and picking them up on the way to work the next morning.
This is a sad state of affairs. There can’t be one without the other. We cannot keep the private old ways alive when the public spaces have opened up for women. Equality must come in full if it is to be meaningful.
Yes, we choose our battles carefully but there can be no compromise. Or do we just fight for space in public spaces and leave the fight for equality in the home to the next generation? Tozoti at least we managed to make it into parliament, the boardroom and the workplaces.
Do we mean that our men are not up to the challenge of being with a woman who has her sh*t together, excuse the French?
Are we insisting that outside of women serving and servicing men’s needs, there can be no love, no peace, no marriage between us?
Is it that important for men to have their woman be the maid, mother, cook, seductress, and what not, all wrapped in one? So important women have to work a 26-hour day to keep the illusion going?
It’s a hard life being an activist for gender justice. Can’t be easy having to lay down ones beliefs by the front door of one’s own home. Not being able to share the comfort of one’s bed with one’s values and ideals must really suck.
I guess it’s easier to just stop being a feminist after working hours. But imagine if politics was just a day job and Morgan Tsvangirai didn’t really believe in MDC or Serena Williams didn’t really like tennis or Winky D actually preferred jazz?
