The Sunday Mail
Boyfriend can’t afford to marry me
Dear amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 20-year-old woman and I am dating a 22-year-old man. He is my childhood sweetheart and I have really grown to love him.
I am pregnant with his child, but he is still in school. He is studying Law and is not yet financially sound. My parents are saying they want lobola, while his mother wants him to marry her sahwira’s daughter. I am so confused. How do I go about this? We want to please everyone, but it is really difficult at the moment. I do not want this stress to affect the baby.
Response
Hello writer. I am sorry about the predicament you find yourself in. Truth be told, I wish the two of you had waited to have kids. You are both young and struggling financially. Your boyfriend is still essentially a student.
Also, he must tell his mother not to pressure him so he makes the right choice. As for your parents demanding lobola, does he want to marry you?
You are pregnant by him but is he ready to commit or has the thought ever crossed his mind? This all sounds really rushed. Ask your parents instead to shift focus and try and help you raise this child because you are not employed. Try and confide in supportive friends and family, and do not let the stress overwhelm you. You are right, you need to protect your baby at all cost. Take it easy; it shall be well.
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How can I pick the right church?
I am a 24-year-old guy and my question is: How can I pick the right church for myself? As a child, I went to Catholic mass because that was our family church. However, I did not enjoy it much. When I got older, I stopped attending.
My friend suggested that I try a pentecostal church. I tried it, but realised it was too fast-paced and fake, so now I have stopped attending. Can you suggest any churches for me to try out? I really want to go to a fun church. I am tired of trying them all. Please help me amai.
Response
I think you are missing the point of church. We go to church to fellowship with others and to hear the Word of God. If all of these churches are good Bible-based churches that are meant to feed your spirituality, then open your heart and mind to it.
You talk of “fun” and “enjoying’’ church, but in order to do that you need to understand why you are there in the first place. Church is more than catchy tunes, formal dressing and the likes. Do you have the desire to connect with God?
Treat it as serious business and not pageantry. Apply yourself and you will find what you are really searching for. I hope this time if you pick a church you will stick to it. Constantly switching and not giving the church a chance will not make your search any easier. Keep me updated and tell me how it goes.
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House tenant is unruly
I am a 30-year-old woman married to a 35-year-old man. We have two children — a boy and a girl who are aged 12 and 10, respectively. We have a four-bedroomed house. We previously used the fourth bedroom as a spare bedroom. We do not receive a lot of guests and the pandemic has made it worse.
Now, my husband then put a tenant in that room against my will. She is dirty, noisy and walks around half-naked. I do not like the idea of her sharing the bathroom with my children. I do not think the idea of earning a little bit on the side is worth all this. Please help me advise my husband against it.
Response
I think what your husband did was wrong. Communication is one of the key ingredients in marriage. You need to make decisions that impact the entire family together. If you let this trend go on unchecked, it will lead to even more problems.
Point out all these factors and how they are affecting you and your family. It is a shame that she is not a good tenant and as a result, you are failing to make it work. I do not think the stress is worth losing your peace of mind over.
This is something that can be resolved at a family level.
If he remains adamant, then maybe try and rope in his siblings and close friends to help make him see where you are coming from. When you do evict this woman, give her notice on time and inform her that it is just not working out. This is something that can be resolved amicably. Go about it calmly; it shall be well.
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