The Sunday Mail
ALLAH Almighty says in the Holy Qur’aan, “If you fear a breach between (a husband and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers. If they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is All-Knowing, Well-Acquainted with all things”. (Chapter 4 : verse 35).
Umari Stambuli
In this verse, Allah promises that He will bless with success those who truly and sincerely wish for reconciliation. This is not just the case for the husband and wife, but also for parents and children, brothers and sisters, business partners, colleagues at work, and neighbours living next door to each other.
In all these cases, the greatest obstacle to reconciliation is the firm belief of each aggrieved party that they are in the right way and that their conduct in the affair is and has always been perfect. Each party sees itself as the victim and the target of the other’s deliberate mistreatment. This obstacle to reconciliation can be summed up in one word ‘egotism’ (selfishness and an element of pride).
When a husband or a wife speaks about the reasons for their estrangement, it is as if they place their thumb on the scales of truth and make it weigh in their favour. Occasionally, they may even concede only a small fault on their part. “It is true that I may have . . . but be that as it may . . .” In the end, however, each spouse will conclude their account with: “I’ve been so good, but my husband/wife just does not appreciate me at all.” It is always the other party who does not know how to behave and who takes advantage of their spouse’s good nature.
This shows how deeply implanted self-centredness can become, and how difficult it is for a person to recognise it. It is like a virus too small to detect and too hard to get hold to combat, but it infects a person’s being until it overwhelms him. It influences their decisions, actions, and perception of events, without ever being identified as the culprit.
This wayward self-centredness is the justification that Satan gave for his rebellion against Allah Almighty. When Allah commanded him to bow down before Adam, he said: “I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from mud/clay.” (Chapter 38 : verse 76).
It is also Pharaoh’s excuse for rejecting Moses (peace be upon him), “Am I not better than this one who is insignificant and hardly makes himself clear?” (Chapter 43 : verse 52).
The same can be said for the wealthy person by the name Korah (Qaarun) in his justifying his disobedience. Allah Almighty tells us: “He said, ‘I was only given (what I possess) because of knowledge that I have. Did he not know that Allah had destroyed before him generations who were greater than him in power and wealth? And (does he think) that the criminals, about their sins, will not be asked.” (Chapter 28 : verse 78).
Self-importance or egotism is indeed an evil affliction that can take a person unaware. It requires attention to escape its dangers.
This is why Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) made the following supplication when commencing to give a speech, “And we seek Allah’s refuge from the evil of ourselves and the evil of our deeds.” He would also ask his Lord with the following supplication, “O Allah! Inspire me to right guidance and safeguard me from the evil of my own self”.
Allah, the Almighty says: “And whoever is saved from the greediness of his own soul, it is those who are successful”. (Chapter 59 : verse 9).
If you were to step back and observe how most of the people around you behave, carefully considering their attitudes and opinions, you would find that often their egos dictate to them what they do. This is the case even for those who fancy themselves to be impartial and understanding. This is true even for the pious and self-sacrificing. No one is protected. The ways of the soul are subtle, varied and elusive. We will never be able to escape from every effect of our selfish tendencies, but we need to be watchful to protect ourselves from the dangers that those tendencies pose.
Natural instinct
In truth, for someone to be completely bereft of all selfishness would be unnatural, and our egos do have a positive role to play. Our egos are like all of the other natural temperaments. They are a necessary part of being human, but they need to be kept in check. Some people are better than others at controlling their egos. It is no different than sexual desire. It is indispensible for the perpetuation of the species, but if it is not controlled, it will lead to great misery and injustice.
If we get to know ourselves better, we will be able to identify when we are becoming slaves to our egos. We will be all the happier for doing so, and more just to ourselves and the people we relate to. We will be able to see things from the point of view of others rather than live in the world of imagination.
One way to measure the level of your egotism is to pay attention to what you say. How often, on a given day, do you use the word “I”? This is often the most oft-repeated word on a person’s tongue. When you see this to be the case, you can start to make a change.
For further information on Islam or a free copy of the Holy Qur’aan, please contact:
Majlisul Ulama Zimbabwe, Council of Islamic Scholars
Publications Department
P.O. Box W93, Waterfalls, Harare
Tel: 04-614078 / 614004, Fax : 04-614003
e-mail: [email protected].
