The Sunday Mail
A NYANGA man whose grandchildren and livestock are allegedly being terrorised by his sex-starved goblins is appealing for help to locate the traditional healer who sold him the unnatural beings.
The Nyamukafata family tiff has spilled into the courts, with the grandchildren accusing their grandfather, John Nyamukafata, of possessing sex-thirsty goblins that are terrorising them.
When the family appeared before acting Chief Saunyama’s court recently, Nyamukafata pleaded for help to locate a traditional healer identified as Saize Mutamba, whom he said sold him goblins on the pretext that they were lucky charms.
He stated that he is at loggerheads with his family because of a mistake he made during his youthful days and now wants to correct it.
“I did not know that I had acquired goblins from Mutamba. I only wanted lucky charms as I was looking for a job in Harare. He gave me a small bottle with some ointment, which he said I would need to apply each time I was attending a job interview.
“After securing employment, I started using the lucky ointment for other purposes and eventually discarded it. I, however, did not know that I was supposed to return the bottle to Mutamba.
“My children and grandchildren are now complaining that I possess goblins that are tormenting them. When I acquired the small bottle, little did I know that it would eventually turn into goblins,” he said.
He said he discarded the bottle, together with a sword and some ancestral cloths after he became a born-again Christian years later.
Nyamukafata said, as a result, the goblins have been sexually terrorising his grandson Biggie and granddaughters Nyasha and Princess.
The elderly man also claims he has been trying to locate Mutamba for some time to no avail, as he is said to have migrated to neighbouring Mozambique.
“I have been looking for Mutamba everywhere, but have failed to locate him. I appeal to anyone who might know his whereabouts to help me because my family is suffering. I was still young when I obtained the lucky charms, towards independence in 1980. Please, help me because my children and grandchildren all despise me,” the elderly man pleaded.
Nyamufakata’s sons Praise and Nhamo — together with grandchildren Biggie, Nyasha and Princess — all pointed accusing fingers at him.
Praise said the goblins have also been pestering their wives for sex.
He stated that the goblins also suck milk from their cows, leaving the calves starving.
“The goblins are abusing our wives, daughters and sons. They are even sucking our cows’ milk. We have lost all respect for him as our father because all along, he was refusing to shoulder the blame for the family’s suffering.
“We would consult traditional healers and he would block everything so that he would not be exposed. However, when he was finally exposed, he apologised and told us that he was failing to locate the traditional healer who gave him the goblins,” he said.
One goblin, which called itself Paradzai, manifested on Nyasha during the court session and demanded to be moved to a younger grandchild as Nyasha is now in her twenties. The spirit claimed it was placed on the girl by John Nyamukafata.
“I am tired of possessing Nyasha; I want a new wife. Give me another woman (name withheld); she is still fresh and young. When you transfer me to the new wife, you have to give Nyasha four beasts because she was my wife for a long time. The four beasts signify her four marriages that I ruined as she was my wife,” claimed Paradzai. — Manica Post
Man using leaves instead
of toilet paper
A man who swapped toilet paper for a special type of plant leaf says it has saved him a fortune, is kinder to the planet and — crucially — works brilliantly.
Robin Greenfield (36) uses the leaf of a blue spur flower, which he says is the perfect size and has the right texture to use, instead of toilet paper. He stopped using shop-bought toilet paper in 2013 and initially replaced it with leftover napkins and tissue.
But five years ago, he realised the leaves of the flower were a much greener substitute. He made the switch and has not looked back.
The environmentalist from Asheville, North Carolina, reckons he has saved thousands of dollars. He is now hoping others will take a leaf out of his book and try it themselves.
He said: “Consumption of toilet paper fuels deforestation and massive usage of fossil fuels in transportation. Currently, we are totally dependent on corporations that are making millions by destroying the planet.
“Fossil fuels and big factories are causing a lot of destruction, and growing your own toilet paper is fun and eco-friendly. The average American spends US$11 198 on toilet paper over the course of their life, so there is a huge financial benefit, too.
“The leaves are super soft, can withstand pressure and will not break through — plus they have a natural, minty scent. The plant is easy to grow, and fundamentally will not do any damage to the environment!”
Robin’s non-profit campaign firm is providing cuttings of the plant for those who want to try it.
“He has just concluded an 11-day tour of Florida, where he visited different cities, promoting his campaign.
The public were invited to take a “toilet paper plant” home with them to start growing their own. They also had the opportunity to sit on Robin’s display compost toilet and take a photo, or record a video, sharing the #GrowYourOwnTP movement. — Wires
