The Sunday Mail
Boyfriend let me down
I am a 35-year-old woman and I am seeing a 39-year-old man. We are not married but we had plans to wed and I help look after his child. He works in Botswana as a teacher and has been there since December 27, 2018. I have not seen him since.
I found out through social media that he married a woman from that side. I confronted him and he denied, even after I showed him evidence of photos. His relatives said they know nothing about it after I asked them. He does not assist me financially and says he is struggling. I am very disappointed and I feel let down. Please help me get to terms with this.
Response
It seems like the writing is on the wall but you are in denial because you care for this man. Frankly, he was just your boyfriend and he never proposed to you before he left for Botswana. It is admirable that you help out with his child but you are not legally obliged to. I am sure you have spent a lot of money and he has not assisted you, why?
Botswana is close by. Why go for long spells without seeing each other? This man and his relatives are using you. You saw the pictures for yourself; what more do you want? It is time to write this off as a loss and move on. In future, do not be used by partners that do not have good intentions for you. I am really sorry about how this has turned out but the sooner you stop allowing him to waste your time the better for you.
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Hubby kicked me out
Greetings amai. I am writing to you with a heavy heart because I feel betrayed by my husband. I was married for 15 years and we have two daughters. Our marriage has been rocky. At one point he brought a six-month-old child home and asked me to look after it because the mother had died.
That is the only information I was given. I assumed the child was a result of an extra-marital affair. Then earlier this year he just kicked me out saying he had found another wife to stay with. I am still in shock. I do not know what to do.
Response
Hello dear writer. Let me start by saying that your husband is confused. Where does all this power stem from? Are you legally married? If so, he must be held accountable for adultery.
Kicking out the mother of his children is cruel. Who is looking after the kids and where are they? As for the child born out of wedlock, do you know any of the child’s relatives from the mother’s side and are they aware that the child was in your custody? These issues need to be resolved.
For starters, I think we are past resolving this through family channels. I am equally shocked and I wonder where both sides of the family were when this was happening.
I would advise you to engage a lawyer and contest the way he kicked you out. If he wants a divorce, he must follow the proper procedures that will not leave you and your children exposed. I also feel for this child. Does the child have proper documentation like a birth certificate?
This guy may also need to be reported to social services. This man is abusive and inconsiderate. I plan to get you in touch with an organisation that can give you counselling as well as legal options. It is a difficult situation but you have sought help, which is the right thing to do. With the right support you will get your life back bit by bit.
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Desperate for freedom
I am a 16-year-old girl doing Form Four at a boarding school. We are three in our family but I am the only girl and the eldest. My brother, who comes after me, is doing Form Two and the youngest is in Grade Six. I am in love with a 25-year-old guy who has promised to marry me.
My problem is my parents are hard-hearted and they do not want to move with the times, vakasara. Their only conversations with me are about books. Last holiday I went out with my boyfriend and came back around 10pm.
My mother beat me up and my father was in support of this. What surprises me is when we left the party around that time, there were so many girls of my age, some even younger that were still there. I am tired of the treatment I get from my parents. If I do not sneak out, they will never allow me to go out. I need freedom to see my boyfriend and I do not know how to go about that. He has advised me to elope to his place then he will continue paying fees for me.
My main fear is what happens if he gets someone who has more freedom and is available all the time? I hate my parents for being strict.
Response
The excitement that is gripping you at this very moment shows how immature you are. I do not even understand why you describe your parents as backward. These are the very people who are putting you through school; that is a sign of enlightenment. Let us not beat about the bush.
I think you are already in the wrong lane. You are only 16. Why not put your efforts on something that will benefit you now and way into the future? You are a minor; that is why your parents want to know what you are up to whether you are home or away. I hope you have not been intimate with this man. Please report him to your parents and the police if he is taking advantage of you. As individuals we all come from different backgrounds. It does not mean that when other minors dance the night away then it is okay. Night parties are dangerous because so many accidents can happen. Please do not bite more than what you can chew.
Your boyfriend risks going to jail if he takes you in for a wife now. Take it one step at a time; you are still very young. The worst thing you can do to destroy your future and your life is to elope as he advises. Please relax and calm down. Zvanyanyoita sei nhai iwe? Please love and respect your parents. We have many kids who failed to go to school because their parents passed on or they could not afford it. Your parents should learn to communicate effectively with you instead of using corporal punishment.
Some have severely injured their kids unintentionally after harsh punishments. For now, do not lose sleep over getting married; imboita zvechikoro. Education is a very powerful tool in life, nobody can take it away from you. Falling in love does not mean getting married tomorrow. Marriages are made in heaven; if he is meant for you, God will fulfil that. Sneaking out is not a wise habit. Pray for a good relationship with your parents, it is very important. Last but not least, pfavirai ngoma vasikana husiku hurefu.
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