The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Boss keeping my wife away from me
I am a young man previously married for two years and blessed with a baby boy who is turning four this August. It is unfortunate that my wife packed her belongings and went to stay alone after she got a job from her previous employer. Sometime this year in January, I thought of reconciling with her and I went kwana tete to discuss this matter and my wife agreed to reconcile with me. Then two months down the line, she told me that she was no longer working as a shop assistant.
She was now working as a maid kumba kwaboss vake. I asked her the reason behind this and she told me that her boss’ wife had passed away some time ago. She was the one now raising the kids. As for my son, she secured a room for him and a maid to look after him. They are staying in Chitungwiza at an apartment she is renting for them. She goes to see my son once every fortnight. This move did not go down well with me. I told her I was not happy with the way she was looking after my son. We fought for several weeks over this issue till I thought of approaching her boss. I wanted to find out the real terms and conditions of their contract of employment.
Before I got any answers, my wife said she was no longer interested in reconciling with me. She ordered me to stop seeing my son and to also stop calling him or the maid. This is all because I asked her boss about her contract of employment. I did not involve the boss in this matter to simply ruin her job.
After all I do not get anything out of it. I only wanted to come up with solutions on how we can raise our kid. Our son cannot grow up without his parents’ love. My wife has gone for holidays as far as Dubai with the boss and his kids.
He recently bought a vehicle that is being driven by my wife. She takes his kids to and from school. However, whenever my son is sick, my wife calls me for help. l still foot his medical bills and pay his school fees. I tried to talk to her relatives to solve this problem but they haven’t assisted in any way.
ls it because I asked her boss about this matter? They are saying I want her to lose her job. What can I do to solve this issue? I love my wife and I really want her back tichengete mwana tose. Is there any future with this woman?
Response
I surely cannot make head or tail of your issue, it is so confusing. Your marriage is like a yoyo. It is very sad, especially since an innocent child is involved. When you become parents, the best thing is to prioritise the interests of your child. You should be in this kid’s life because you are both duty bound. The truth is that it is very difficult to monitor a spouse from outside the marriage set-up. Your wife is not interested in getting back together with you. She has told you point blank. It seems your wife is more interested in looking after the boss’ children than her own son. In my view, if the boss was a good employer, he would have shown compassion for the child too. If he can afford to buy the maid (your wife) a car for his kids’ school run, why can he not accommodate his maid and her son in the servant’s quarters so that she can at least see him everyday? This could be an option since she has her own maid. Going abroad for holidays with the boss and his family seems rather unusual and it is not very palatable. Trying to force a comeback when the other party is not interested could spell doom, you will end up having more children and separating again.
I urge you to go to court, they will look into your issue and decide legally how the child will be looked after. Paying medical bills for your child should not upset you, it is actually part of every parent’s responsibility. However, I am also not happy about this arrangement whereby a mother rents out a room for a maid to look after her child.
This does not work out well in most cases. The child is still too young and cannot be placed in the hands of an unmonitored maid. This is a very crucial time in the child’s life, that is when character is shaped. Go legal. I do not think your wife will listen to anyone, she is riding on a very high horse and enjoying her new lifestyle. If you do decide to divorce this woman, make sure you complete all the necessary paperwork. I am very concerned about the child, please keep me posted.
I’m in love with my best friend
I am a 28-year-old lady. I have a male friend who is 36. I befriended him seven years ago and he stays in South Africa. He is studying and at the same time also working. Of those seven years we have known each other, we were best friends for five years until I lost the guy who was meant to marry me two years ago.
This guy was there for me through this difficult time. He was my source of strength and in return I felt at home whenever he was around to comfort me. It was around that time when he confessed his feelings for me.
However, in 2016 when I had limited communication naye ndichidanana nemukomana akazondirasisa, he married some lady who had once attacked me achifunga kuti taidanana at that time. He says the marriage only lasted for about four months, they had a baby together. Due to this, I felt it would be wrong for us to date since our friendship would be in jeopardy should any problems arise. But as time progressed, I fell for him. Things have been progressing well. Now he wants to help me pursue my education.
On the other hand I do not know his position with his old flame. The idea of him having a son is not a problem but he must end his marriage first if he wants to be with me. I do not think they have gone through all the legal separation channels. I try pushing him away because of this but I always fall back into his arms.
Response
I am sorry about what your ex did to you. Marriages are made in heaven, that is what my religion teaches. Do not read too much into what this guy (the one akakurasisa) did if it was never meant to be. After this experience, you have to be sure you are doing the right thing. You cannot spend all your life filled with regrets. For many years, your current boyfriend was only a friend you used to share a lot with.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, make sure if he becomes your hubby there is nothing that will cause you any discomfort. I know friends talk and at times they talk about issues they do not want the next person to hear about. My sixth sense tells me that your boyfriend is still married. One cannot sit on the fence when it comes to marriage.
He is either in or out so be warned. I am guessing you do not want to go through heartbreak again. I hear you when you say he must sort out his mess first and then get his act right to be with you. Are you going to put your love life on hold until he is done?
Mind you this is his wife and child, things can go either way. You do not see eye to eye with his wife because of the previous fight you had. I am just trying to imagine a future where you will be the step mum of her child.
If this guy is serious, he must make up his mind and do what he has to do so that you make an informed decision. Lastly, make sure he is not taking advantage of what you are going through. Keep your ears on the ground and always pray for your heart’s desires. There is power in prayer.
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