The Sunday Mail
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 30-year-old single guy who is gainfully employed. I have a lot of pressure coming from family and friends who want me to get married.
I have been in a handful of relationships; the longest of all these was just three months. I think I am in a league of my own in terms of standards.
When I am in love, I am particular about a number of things such as smartness, general etiquette and levels of education.
So far, I have not met a girl who meets my expectations. I really need to settle down, but it seems I cannot find one. Do you know of any good dating sites or any dating tips I can use? I am a happy-go-lucky kind of guy and I love life.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. In truth, no one can tell you when to get married and it is not wrong having a general baseline that you use to assess whom you would like to date. Standards are great but you need to understand that no one is perfect.
You must leave some wiggle room for compromise. You may not be someone’s exact match either, but they will take a chance on you because it feels right. My best bit of advice is that you continue to put yourself out there. Do not only focus on which standards your future partners do not meet.
Rather focus on the pleasant things they bring to the table you did not even know you wanted. Start looking at the glass as half full and not half empty and you will find a suitable partner. I wish you well.
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Struggling to get over
my mother’s passing
I lost my beloved 71-year-old mother in early November this year. She succumbed to heart failure and that broke my heart; my whole world was shattered. I feel like I cannot face life without her.
I just cannot handle it and it is getting worse by the day. I am 31 years old and going through this ordeal has turned me into a crybaby. Please help Amai, I cannot continue like this. I need help and I do not know where to go.
Response
It is difficult to get over someone’s passing because death is such a definitive part of life. Inasmuch as it is painful, it is still a part of life. You can rest assured now that she is at peace. You need to go for grief counselling and speak to a professional.
They will guide you on your path to recovery. There is nothing wrong with crying; it is a form of expression.
I think if you also have people who were close to her such as your siblings, relatives and friends, you should get in touch with them more often and you can share your experiences with them.
You are probably not going through it alone. Keep your mother’s memory alive as best you can but try to continue with your own life. I am sure that is what she would like.
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My brother is out of control
I follow your column in The Sunday Mail religiously and I am greatly benefiting from it. I am a married man and I am blessed with a son.
My spouse and I are both civil servants and we operate on a shoestring budget. I am 25 and my wife is 23. We love each other passionately.
Our families respect us and love the way we operate as a couple.
My younger brother visited us a fortnight ago and he is so extravagant. The way he eats and drinks juice is not acceptable.
My wife said she could not speak to him because she did not want her actions to be misinterpreted. The truth is we have to stop him because we will not last a month at this rate.
Some of the things were bought in bulk because of the festive season. How do I do it Amai? He is here until Christmas.
Response
Thank you for being a big fan and supporting my efforts to change lives.
First thing is first, you have a good family and a great marriage. Things are going well and you must maintain that. As for your brother, this should be a walk in the park. You are his big brother and you are the one who is looking after him at your home.
It is simply a matter of taking him to the side and addressing the elephant in the room. It is good to live within your means. Try to put it across gently.
As for the things that were bought in bulk, is it possible to store them away from the kitchen and release them gradually?
At times all it takes is a simple fix and everything will be ok. If he is reasonable and understanding, this will end immediately.
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